A wonderful woman, Sandy Weiner, who has a very decorated educational and professional resume in the area of leadership, sent the following visioning exercise to me that I adjusted for you. The first step in creating your vision for a happy life is to find a trusted companion and a quiet room where you can be relaxed. Have the person read to you the following visioning exercise.
To the reader: read the following passage closely and with positive intention, allowing the visualizer the time to relax and visualize.
Visioning Exercise
Speak slowly, in a warm voice….
(For about one minute)
Sit comfortably with your feet resting on the ground, your hands resting comfortably on your lap.
Take a deep breath and relax.
Now take another deep breath and relax even further.
You may notice that there are places in your body that are stressed or tight. Just notice them…. and then let them go.
Continue to breathe comfortably….
As thoughts occur,…. just notice them… and let them go
Say in a slowly paced, clear, and relaxed voice….
Imagine that you are walking along a seashore… The sun is shining and you can feel the sun’s warmth on your body. Continue to walk along the seashore. .. and relax….
Notice a door ahead of you. Open the door. There are stairs going down… Slowly descend the stairs …counting as you go…
1…. 2….…3…….4……5…….6……7……8………9……10
When you reach the landing notice that there is another door in front of you. On the door it says …. My Future Happy Life. It is a very beautiful door and you reach out with warmth and excitement to open the door and walk inside.
It is a movie theater and you notice that the movie playing is an exciting one -- 'My Happy Life looking back from the future to now'…. You take your seat in the theater and watch the movie. It is a very interesting movie, showing scenes of how you have progressed and grown happier and happier over the past years… You have taken a proactive stance in your happiness …. What institutions are you happily a part of? What type of people are around you? What types of conversations are they having?…. What does your home environment look like? Notice the people around you…. The types of things you are doing…. What gets you excited…… How you spend your day…..Note what role you play….. What types of sentences, phrases, and words come up in your speech? What are you proud of? What are your habits? What does being you feel like?… What else stands out for you? … What do others say about you? About your happiness?….How does it feel to hear these things? ....What are you doing for fun? ....What gives you flow in your life? …. What in your happy life stands out so much?
NOTE to the reader: leave time for each image to appear…. You may want to suggest that visualizers jot down what they are seeing on the paper in front of them and then go back to the movie until they are finished. Allow 5 - 10 minutes… repeating focal points as listed above or others every 15 - 20 seconds. When you feel ready to move on… say:
Now, it is time to end the movie and return to the present…. please close your eyes, notice your breathing again… and find yourself leaving the movie theater… exiting out the door and returning up the steps, counting 10…. 9….. 8…7…… 6…. Take a deep breath and begin to feel your body waken….. 5….4…..3…. notice the sounds in the room around you….. 2…. 1 ….
Open your eyes and slowly look around…. When you feel comfortable, please either write or draw as much of your vision of your future as you can. …. describing what your happy life will be like in the future. You may need to close your eyes briefly to remember parts….. Try to make your description as whole as possible.
Amazing! I hope what you saw in your visualization was amazing and eye opening to possibilities you never thought possible.
Someone once said that when we achieve our goals we will be happy. When we have met the perfect person we will be happy or when we do the right things or have the right material items in our life we will be happy.
This Is Wrong!
All of these come to us easier when we are happy. Please stop looking on the outside for other people, places and things to make you happy, just look inside of yourself. That is where true lasting happiness lays waiting for you to access it.
The vision that just appeared for you is available to you, you just have to decide to make it happen! If you write out your vision you'll find it that much easier to realize it. Start off with the questions below!
Who was with you?
What actions were you participating in?
What were your surroundings like?
What were the sentences coming from your mouth?
Describe how you were feeling.
Need more help with creating your happy life? Visit my self help store for some great tools!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Showing posts with label happy happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy happy. Show all posts
Friday, May 11, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
How To Increase Your Enjoyment of Every Moment :-)!
Mmmmmmm…….
I want you to recall your last romantic moment.
Now, recall the last really good meal you had.
Recall the last time you were so happy you wanted to jump up and down.
Now, recall the last hot sex you had.
Mmmmmmm…….
Have you smiled yet? Can you feel the sensations in your body when you recall these delightful experiences?
When you are in a moment of feeling not so hot, start recalling those past experiences. Take yourself on a little vacation and bring those lovely memories to the front of your mind… Enjoy!
In their book 'Savoring', Fred Bryant and Joseff Veroff (2006) suggest ways to learn to savor or to mindfully engage in thoughts or behaviors that heighten the effect of positive events on positive feelings. Bryant’s work also supports three temporal forms of Savoring:
(1) Anticipatory
(2) In the Moment
(3) Reminiscent.
This means you can savor a positive event before it happens by getting excited in preparation for it, you can savor the positive event as it occurs, and you can savor a positive event by remembering it :-).
Nobel prize winner for his work on happiness, Daniel Kahneman, points out: “Humans plan for their future and use their past as a guide to their future (making) remembered or anticipated and integrated hedonic value a convenient shorthand for decision making...”
This means that we are indeed guided by our happiness in decision making and we look to our past happiness experience to guide us into future happiness experiences. In other words, remembering happy moments of our past helps guide future decisions.
When Miriam Ufberg, one of the first people to receive a Masters Degree in Positive Psychology, wrote an article in January of 2007 for the Positive Psychology News Daily on the topic of Savoring, she connected the concept to one of the corner stones of the science of happiness: Barbara Frederickson’s Broaden and Build Theory of Positive Emotions (1998).
Miriam says, “…positive emotions create an upward spiral in our experiences, emotions, relationships, mental capacities, etc. So by reconnecting with those positive emotions that we felt in the past, we can enhance our current mood and perceptions of current situations thereby creating even more positive emotions and experiences.”
Our happiness researcher Sonja Lyubormirski helps prove the value of savoring by encouraging us to systematically analyze and structure the thoughts and feelings associated with the happiest moments in our lives. Re-experiencing or savoring such moments (without attempting to find meaning or organization in them) is one way to preserve positive emotions and generally increase happiness. Savoring definitely plays a role in our sustainable happiness.
As the founder of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, says, "Savoring refers to our awareness of pleasure and our deliberate attempt to make it last and to make it more intense.”
I find myself savoring the most after romantic moments. I tend to put myself back in the situation and feel those butterflies over and over. I also savor experiences that are mile marker achievements to my long-term goals. I savor family vacations. I savor my friend’s celebrations. I savor nice walks. The bottom line is that I am encouraging you to spend some time savoring your positive experiences in life. This will aid you in your developing the sustainable happiness you want in your life.
So go on, write down the top ten best moments in your life to savor. Pay close attention, taking enjoyment going over life’s pleasures and wonders. Share your moments with someone.
Or Savor A Beautiful Day: Set aside a block of time—an hour, a half-day or a full day—to indulge in your favorite activities. Block that time on your calendar and do not let anything interfere. Next, carry out the activities just as you have planned them. Savor each activity by being completely aware of the pleasure it brings you. Log your experience.
Can you imagine the pleasure and happiness you will feel when you do the exercises I've mentioned above? Get excited about doing them now and savor this moment too :-)!
If you need more help to savor your way to happiness, visit my self-help store :-).
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
I want you to recall your last romantic moment.
Now, recall the last really good meal you had.
Recall the last time you were so happy you wanted to jump up and down.
Now, recall the last hot sex you had.
Mmmmmmm…….
Have you smiled yet? Can you feel the sensations in your body when you recall these delightful experiences?
When you are in a moment of feeling not so hot, start recalling those past experiences. Take yourself on a little vacation and bring those lovely memories to the front of your mind… Enjoy!
In their book 'Savoring', Fred Bryant and Joseff Veroff (2006) suggest ways to learn to savor or to mindfully engage in thoughts or behaviors that heighten the effect of positive events on positive feelings. Bryant’s work also supports three temporal forms of Savoring:
(1) Anticipatory
(2) In the Moment
(3) Reminiscent.
This means you can savor a positive event before it happens by getting excited in preparation for it, you can savor the positive event as it occurs, and you can savor a positive event by remembering it :-).
Nobel prize winner for his work on happiness, Daniel Kahneman, points out: “Humans plan for their future and use their past as a guide to their future (making) remembered or anticipated and integrated hedonic value a convenient shorthand for decision making...”
This means that we are indeed guided by our happiness in decision making and we look to our past happiness experience to guide us into future happiness experiences. In other words, remembering happy moments of our past helps guide future decisions.
When Miriam Ufberg, one of the first people to receive a Masters Degree in Positive Psychology, wrote an article in January of 2007 for the Positive Psychology News Daily on the topic of Savoring, she connected the concept to one of the corner stones of the science of happiness: Barbara Frederickson’s Broaden and Build Theory of Positive Emotions (1998).
Miriam says, “…positive emotions create an upward spiral in our experiences, emotions, relationships, mental capacities, etc. So by reconnecting with those positive emotions that we felt in the past, we can enhance our current mood and perceptions of current situations thereby creating even more positive emotions and experiences.”
Our happiness researcher Sonja Lyubormirski helps prove the value of savoring by encouraging us to systematically analyze and structure the thoughts and feelings associated with the happiest moments in our lives. Re-experiencing or savoring such moments (without attempting to find meaning or organization in them) is one way to preserve positive emotions and generally increase happiness. Savoring definitely plays a role in our sustainable happiness.
As the founder of positive psychology, Martin Seligman, says, "Savoring refers to our awareness of pleasure and our deliberate attempt to make it last and to make it more intense.”
I find myself savoring the most after romantic moments. I tend to put myself back in the situation and feel those butterflies over and over. I also savor experiences that are mile marker achievements to my long-term goals. I savor family vacations. I savor my friend’s celebrations. I savor nice walks. The bottom line is that I am encouraging you to spend some time savoring your positive experiences in life. This will aid you in your developing the sustainable happiness you want in your life.
So go on, write down the top ten best moments in your life to savor. Pay close attention, taking enjoyment going over life’s pleasures and wonders. Share your moments with someone.
Or Savor A Beautiful Day: Set aside a block of time—an hour, a half-day or a full day—to indulge in your favorite activities. Block that time on your calendar and do not let anything interfere. Next, carry out the activities just as you have planned them. Savor each activity by being completely aware of the pleasure it brings you. Log your experience.
Can you imagine the pleasure and happiness you will feel when you do the exercises I've mentioned above? Get excited about doing them now and savor this moment too :-)!
If you need more help to savor your way to happiness, visit my self-help store :-).
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
How To Train Your Brain To Happiness :-)
What you are about to read is a real-life story - it REALLY happened! Our hero is a Dr. Robert Muller...
Dr. Muller found himself being pursued by Nazi Germans one day while at work. He hid in the attic of the hotel where the office was located when he was joined by a colleague. The colleague gave him the following report.
“You have little chance of escape, if any. There are five or six Gestapos in the building. They are systematically searching offices and appear quite relaxed, for they know that you are here. The entrance to the hotel is blocked and a prison van is stationed at the curb. To hide here in the attics or climb on the roof will not help. You know perfectly well that they will shoot you down like a pigeon.”
WOW! How about getting that news?!
It was at that point that Dr. Muller thought to himself that, “This is the moment of all moments, keep cool and in full command of my mental and physical capabilities.” Dr. Muller had read books from Dr. Emile Coue, one of them being "Self- Mastery Through Conscious Auto- Suggestion". In that book he had learned that he could influence his state of mind through training his brain! (Just like The Secret says!)
He suddenly remembered Dr. Coue and told himself, “I must feel relaxed and even elated about this situation.”
He followed the advice of Dr. Coue and he repeated to himself “…it was indeed an extraordinary and thrilling adventure for a twenty-year old youth to be trapped in a hotel, pursued by the Nazis. Would it not be exciting if I could play a trick on them and slip through their fingers?”
Can you believe that?! This is an extreme decision to change his mindset no matter what someone he trusted said. He knew he could access his best self if he felt cool calm and collected! Amazing!
Dr. Muller says, “Having switched my perspective to a positive, confident frame of mind, I felt relaxed, even happy and cheerful, without any fear or thought of failure whatsoever.”
It was when he set this intention that he was able to concoct an escape plan where he ended up walking right past the Gestapo agents in a disguise. He told them that he saw the man they were looking for on the 4th floor! Dr Muller walked right out the front door with ease!
WOW!!
Do you want to be able to train your brain like Dr. Muller and have the power to get yourself out of even life's most difficult and extreme situations with happiness?
Are you ready right now?
Then empower yourself to take charge of your brain and take responsibility for your thoughts!
Let’s do it!
Two ways we can take charge of our thoughts are through setting intentions and repeating affirmations.
I talked about how important and necessary the practice of setting intentions is in my blog post "The First Step To Happiness -- Decide To Be Happy :-)!"
So today, I will only remind you that we can go nowhere without the intention being placed! That is the first step. If you haven't taken it already, do it now -- decide to be happy!
Our intention set lets focus now on how you can use Affirmations to take charge of your thoughts.
An affirmation is a statement or proposition that is declared to be true. Once you enact the intention you can ensure its success with an affirmation. An example of an affirmation would be “Today is the happiest day of my life!”
I have all my happiness coaching clients make this affirmation daily as part of their morning routine :).
In search for more amazing happiness affirmations, I came across Dr. Loretta J. Standley’s website (www.drstandley.com ) which had an amazing amount of information for how we can achieve optimal health and happiness through our mind, body and spirit. She illustrates the following as examples of affirmations we can use to bring forth more happiness in our lives.
My happiness is reflected in my smile and cheerful personality.
My pleasing and joyful personality is contagious.
I AM always kind and helpful to strangers.
I spring out of bed with joy and excitement.
I AM excited about the new day and look forward to it with anticipation and interest.
I choose to be happy at the start of each day.
I laugh at myself with childish joy.
My sense of humor touches everyone around me.
My happiness continually brings me more happiness.
My happiness draws an overwhelming amount of blessings into my Life.
Dr. Loretta Standley gives explicit instructions below as to what to do with these affirmations exactly…
Remember to write or say any of the below listed affirmations at least 40X daily for 40 days. It takes 40 days to impress upon the unconscious "reacting" mind all that you desire and dream. Then it becomes automatic behavior in the conscious "acting" mind. Affirmations are the same as doing any type of repetitive exercise to change or learn a new behavior.
Put 40 beads, coins or beans in a cup and when you say each affirmation, take out 1 bead, coin or bead. In this way, you will not have to focus on counting your affirmations and you will be able to meditate on the affirmation while at the same time "feeling" it as well.
It is VERY important to say the affirmation slowly with feeling. Give yourself time to let your body "feel" the affirmation. If your affirmation refers to "wealth," then "feel" the wealth. If your affirmation refers to "Love," then allow yourself to "feel" Love all around you.
If you get side-tracked and miss a day then go back to Day 1 and start over. First, call to mind what caused you to divert your attention from your affirmations and second, be truly grateful for the awareness. Now you'll know how important it is to change your subconscious mind. "Enjoy" saying your affirmations and the Power of your spoken word.
I also found Remez Sasson, author of "The Power of Affirmations", to be quite practical in the description of affirmations and why and how we use them. He says, “Affirmations are statements that describe a desired condition or situation, and which are often repeated. They consist of words, but they automatically and involuntarily conjure mental images in the mind. These mental images, if repeated often, are brought into reality by the power of the mind.” He goes on to explain they are effective because: They motivate. They keep the mind focused on the goal. They enter into the subconscious mind, and use its power to push toward the goal from within. People sometimes intuitively perceive what you repeat in your mind, and for some reason or another help you make it come true. They are positive statements. If repeated often, their accumulated power influences your inner and outer worlds. They resemble a radio transmission that goes out to the Universal Mind, calling on it to help you achieve your goals.
Remez Sasson further recommends you devote special times during the day to repeat your affirmations. Or you can repeat them wherever you are and whenever you want and have the time to repeat them. Sounds easy to me!
Just remember, the more excitement and celebration you put into the statement of your affirmations, the more powerfully it will work for you!
Need more help or inspiration in learning tools and techniques for training your brain to happiness? Then Visit my Self-Help Store!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Dr. Muller found himself being pursued by Nazi Germans one day while at work. He hid in the attic of the hotel where the office was located when he was joined by a colleague. The colleague gave him the following report.
“You have little chance of escape, if any. There are five or six Gestapos in the building. They are systematically searching offices and appear quite relaxed, for they know that you are here. The entrance to the hotel is blocked and a prison van is stationed at the curb. To hide here in the attics or climb on the roof will not help. You know perfectly well that they will shoot you down like a pigeon.”
WOW! How about getting that news?!
It was at that point that Dr. Muller thought to himself that, “This is the moment of all moments, keep cool and in full command of my mental and physical capabilities.” Dr. Muller had read books from Dr. Emile Coue, one of them being "Self- Mastery Through Conscious Auto- Suggestion". In that book he had learned that he could influence his state of mind through training his brain! (Just like The Secret says!)
He suddenly remembered Dr. Coue and told himself, “I must feel relaxed and even elated about this situation.”
He followed the advice of Dr. Coue and he repeated to himself “…it was indeed an extraordinary and thrilling adventure for a twenty-year old youth to be trapped in a hotel, pursued by the Nazis. Would it not be exciting if I could play a trick on them and slip through their fingers?”
Can you believe that?! This is an extreme decision to change his mindset no matter what someone he trusted said. He knew he could access his best self if he felt cool calm and collected! Amazing!
Dr. Muller says, “Having switched my perspective to a positive, confident frame of mind, I felt relaxed, even happy and cheerful, without any fear or thought of failure whatsoever.”
It was when he set this intention that he was able to concoct an escape plan where he ended up walking right past the Gestapo agents in a disguise. He told them that he saw the man they were looking for on the 4th floor! Dr Muller walked right out the front door with ease!
WOW!!
Do you want to be able to train your brain like Dr. Muller and have the power to get yourself out of even life's most difficult and extreme situations with happiness?
Are you ready right now?
Then empower yourself to take charge of your brain and take responsibility for your thoughts!
Let’s do it!
Two ways we can take charge of our thoughts are through setting intentions and repeating affirmations.
I talked about how important and necessary the practice of setting intentions is in my blog post "The First Step To Happiness -- Decide To Be Happy :-)!"
So today, I will only remind you that we can go nowhere without the intention being placed! That is the first step. If you haven't taken it already, do it now -- decide to be happy!
Our intention set lets focus now on how you can use Affirmations to take charge of your thoughts.
An affirmation is a statement or proposition that is declared to be true. Once you enact the intention you can ensure its success with an affirmation. An example of an affirmation would be “Today is the happiest day of my life!”
I have all my happiness coaching clients make this affirmation daily as part of their morning routine :).
In search for more amazing happiness affirmations, I came across Dr. Loretta J. Standley’s website (www.drstandley.com ) which had an amazing amount of information for how we can achieve optimal health and happiness through our mind, body and spirit. She illustrates the following as examples of affirmations we can use to bring forth more happiness in our lives.
My happiness is reflected in my smile and cheerful personality.
My pleasing and joyful personality is contagious.
I AM always kind and helpful to strangers.
I spring out of bed with joy and excitement.
I AM excited about the new day and look forward to it with anticipation and interest.
I choose to be happy at the start of each day.
I laugh at myself with childish joy.
My sense of humor touches everyone around me.
My happiness continually brings me more happiness.
My happiness draws an overwhelming amount of blessings into my Life.
Dr. Loretta Standley gives explicit instructions below as to what to do with these affirmations exactly…
Remember to write or say any of the below listed affirmations at least 40X daily for 40 days. It takes 40 days to impress upon the unconscious "reacting" mind all that you desire and dream. Then it becomes automatic behavior in the conscious "acting" mind. Affirmations are the same as doing any type of repetitive exercise to change or learn a new behavior.
Put 40 beads, coins or beans in a cup and when you say each affirmation, take out 1 bead, coin or bead. In this way, you will not have to focus on counting your affirmations and you will be able to meditate on the affirmation while at the same time "feeling" it as well.
It is VERY important to say the affirmation slowly with feeling. Give yourself time to let your body "feel" the affirmation. If your affirmation refers to "wealth," then "feel" the wealth. If your affirmation refers to "Love," then allow yourself to "feel" Love all around you.
If you get side-tracked and miss a day then go back to Day 1 and start over. First, call to mind what caused you to divert your attention from your affirmations and second, be truly grateful for the awareness. Now you'll know how important it is to change your subconscious mind. "Enjoy" saying your affirmations and the Power of your spoken word.
I also found Remez Sasson, author of "The Power of Affirmations", to be quite practical in the description of affirmations and why and how we use them. He says, “Affirmations are statements that describe a desired condition or situation, and which are often repeated. They consist of words, but they automatically and involuntarily conjure mental images in the mind. These mental images, if repeated often, are brought into reality by the power of the mind.” He goes on to explain they are effective because: They motivate. They keep the mind focused on the goal. They enter into the subconscious mind, and use its power to push toward the goal from within. People sometimes intuitively perceive what you repeat in your mind, and for some reason or another help you make it come true. They are positive statements. If repeated often, their accumulated power influences your inner and outer worlds. They resemble a radio transmission that goes out to the Universal Mind, calling on it to help you achieve your goals.
Remez Sasson further recommends you devote special times during the day to repeat your affirmations. Or you can repeat them wherever you are and whenever you want and have the time to repeat them. Sounds easy to me!
Just remember, the more excitement and celebration you put into the statement of your affirmations, the more powerfully it will work for you!
Need more help or inspiration in learning tools and techniques for training your brain to happiness? Then Visit my Self-Help Store!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
How To Use Goal Setting To Achieve Happiness!
Goal-setting helps us achieve happiness!
When we have something in our lives we are working toward, our happiness is greatly enhanced. If you think about it, the happy people that you know probably have goals. I am not asking you to decide to be president or anything. Just choose a goal or two that you care to achieve, and figure out why you care so much about them. This consequently will play a role in you feeling better :).
At Stanford, Dr. Laura Cartensen’s (1995) research talks about how socio-emotional selectivity theory suggests that older people learn to structure their lives and pursue particular goals that maximize positive emotions. (Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D., 2005) This is consistent with what I teach, which is that people can actually learn to increase their happiness to a sustainable level. Further support for this notion comes from results of a study by happiness researchers Dr. Sheldon and Dr. Kasser (2001), which showed that age-related increases in well-being are in part mediated by willful changes, including older people’s ability to select more enjoyable and self-appropriate goals. (Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D., 2005) In other words, our elders have found a way to choose goals they enjoy and that fit appropriately with the things they care about in life. We need to learn to do this, too, and as soon as possible, because the sooner we figure it out, the closer we will be to feeling better!
Goal-setting has been a part of my life since childhood. I started playing soccer at the age of six and we were always taught to be the best players and the best team we could be. By the time I was fourteen, I made the Olympic development team, which further fueled my desire to be the best soccer player I could be. We were always having tryouts and games, and completing individual performance goals. I played soccer competitively until I was nineteen. So for those thirteen years the concept of goal-setting and goal-achieving was really imbedded in my daily life through school and athletics.
Now, I have a goal to help millions of people live happier lives. This goal helps fuel my energy, effort, passion, and devotion to my cause every day, so that I can do whatever I need to do to achieve this goal.
Of course this is a long-term goal, and this long-term goal has many short-term goals associated with it. The short-term goals include writing this blog, creating and starring in my vision of a prime-time network award winning show that teaches the audience how to be happy, teaching and performing happiness exercises in world organizations, i.e. the United Nations, World Bank, European Union, etc., I also plan to set up Happiness Centers in each country that are responsible for working to increase the country’s Gross National Happiness (GNH) Index...
As you can see, I have my work cut out for me and I am working to achieve those happiness goals every day and every minute of my life! Not only does this help me feel intrinsic motivation, I feel a sense of duty, fulfillment, and a deep sense of meaning and purpose.
And for those skeptics… of course, I experience setbacks and obstacles in my pursuit of those goals. As you know, the world is not a happy and glorious place all of the time. And even I experience ups and downs, two steps forward one step back in the daily work of achieving my goals. The important thing is how we choose to deal with those goal setbacks. If you really remain steadfast with your happiness decision, then you will respond to those setbacks with HAPPINESS! I know it sounds crazy, but just try it. Believe me it works.
If you think about it from the “setback’s” perspective -- let’s say the setback is in the form of another person, and well, let’s just imagine you always being jovial and courteous toward that other person -- what kind of response do you think you will get? Yet, what if you give someone anger, attitude and resentment? That’s right! It is a no brainer! Have you ever heard that saying, “What you put out you get back.”? That is the case here. Who wants to receive someone else’s anger, attitude, or resentment? Probably not you, definitely not me. Think about this from the receiver’s perspective. People do not need nor deserve the negative energy that comes with your ‘negative’, ‘low vibration’ emotions. Please think in terms of creating an ‘Upward Spiral’ every day, that is what will help you in sustaining your happiness. Let’s try to stay on the bright side of life, shall we?
So, are you ready to commit to some goals?!
Some of you still require more time, patience and persistence before you really commit to setting goals for your happiness. Some of you may need help to feel comfortable in alleviating the obstacle or setback you are experiencing right now.
If so, visit my self help store for some great tools to help you!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
When we have something in our lives we are working toward, our happiness is greatly enhanced. If you think about it, the happy people that you know probably have goals. I am not asking you to decide to be president or anything. Just choose a goal or two that you care to achieve, and figure out why you care so much about them. This consequently will play a role in you feeling better :).
At Stanford, Dr. Laura Cartensen’s (1995) research talks about how socio-emotional selectivity theory suggests that older people learn to structure their lives and pursue particular goals that maximize positive emotions. (Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D., 2005) This is consistent with what I teach, which is that people can actually learn to increase their happiness to a sustainable level. Further support for this notion comes from results of a study by happiness researchers Dr. Sheldon and Dr. Kasser (2001), which showed that age-related increases in well-being are in part mediated by willful changes, including older people’s ability to select more enjoyable and self-appropriate goals. (Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D., 2005) In other words, our elders have found a way to choose goals they enjoy and that fit appropriately with the things they care about in life. We need to learn to do this, too, and as soon as possible, because the sooner we figure it out, the closer we will be to feeling better!
Goal-setting has been a part of my life since childhood. I started playing soccer at the age of six and we were always taught to be the best players and the best team we could be. By the time I was fourteen, I made the Olympic development team, which further fueled my desire to be the best soccer player I could be. We were always having tryouts and games, and completing individual performance goals. I played soccer competitively until I was nineteen. So for those thirteen years the concept of goal-setting and goal-achieving was really imbedded in my daily life through school and athletics.
Now, I have a goal to help millions of people live happier lives. This goal helps fuel my energy, effort, passion, and devotion to my cause every day, so that I can do whatever I need to do to achieve this goal.
Of course this is a long-term goal, and this long-term goal has many short-term goals associated with it. The short-term goals include writing this blog, creating and starring in my vision of a prime-time network award winning show that teaches the audience how to be happy, teaching and performing happiness exercises in world organizations, i.e. the United Nations, World Bank, European Union, etc., I also plan to set up Happiness Centers in each country that are responsible for working to increase the country’s Gross National Happiness (GNH) Index...
As you can see, I have my work cut out for me and I am working to achieve those happiness goals every day and every minute of my life! Not only does this help me feel intrinsic motivation, I feel a sense of duty, fulfillment, and a deep sense of meaning and purpose.
And for those skeptics… of course, I experience setbacks and obstacles in my pursuit of those goals. As you know, the world is not a happy and glorious place all of the time. And even I experience ups and downs, two steps forward one step back in the daily work of achieving my goals. The important thing is how we choose to deal with those goal setbacks. If you really remain steadfast with your happiness decision, then you will respond to those setbacks with HAPPINESS! I know it sounds crazy, but just try it. Believe me it works.
If you think about it from the “setback’s” perspective -- let’s say the setback is in the form of another person, and well, let’s just imagine you always being jovial and courteous toward that other person -- what kind of response do you think you will get? Yet, what if you give someone anger, attitude and resentment? That’s right! It is a no brainer! Have you ever heard that saying, “What you put out you get back.”? That is the case here. Who wants to receive someone else’s anger, attitude, or resentment? Probably not you, definitely not me. Think about this from the receiver’s perspective. People do not need nor deserve the negative energy that comes with your ‘negative’, ‘low vibration’ emotions. Please think in terms of creating an ‘Upward Spiral’ every day, that is what will help you in sustaining your happiness. Let’s try to stay on the bright side of life, shall we?
So, are you ready to commit to some goals?!
Some of you still require more time, patience and persistence before you really commit to setting goals for your happiness. Some of you may need help to feel comfortable in alleviating the obstacle or setback you are experiencing right now.
If so, visit my self help store for some great tools to help you!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Saturday, April 7, 2012
The First Step To Happiness -- Decide To Be Happy :-)!
I know. When you read the title you were like, yeah right! If it were only that easy! Well if you listen to all of the experts who feel great all of the time, they all agree it starts with a decision to be happy!
Think about it. Before you go to the bathroom, you decide to go to the bathroom. Before you do the dishes, you decide to do the dishes. Before you go on a date, you decide to go on a date. Do you understand my point? Before you do anything you have to decide to do it!
Take a minute to ponder the idea of happiness infused into every aspect of your life...
In all of your social interactions, you express gratitude, acceptance, love, kindness, zest, and optimism. You are smiling almost the whole time no matter if you are talking to someone on the phone or in person. Imagine being the recipient of that gratitude, acceptance, love, kindness, zest and optimism. It feels great right? Sharing your happiness feels like the right thing to do. In your consumptions, you are conscious of the value of minimalism, ethics, and environmental sustainability. You are the embodiment of happiness in all of your thoughts, words and actions. In the entertainment sector of your life, you attend friend gatherings and celebrations, you support local music, and dance until you cannot move anymore! Your clothing is colorful, vibrant and has smiley faces on everything, As far as the sustainable happiness worldview is concerned, you always hold a vision of a peaceful, loving, happy, healthy enlightened world remembering the importance of holding that positive vision of the future. You are happy! You are feeling like you never felt before, and you see happiness everywhere you look! You are experiencing what people call the “sunny side of life!”
It looks pretty good, huh?! You in your happy life. And it feels good too! I know because this is the kind of happy life I live everyday :-)!
This awesome, happy life is possible & within your control!
The firt step to achieving it is for you to make the decision to be happy. No one is going to make it for you! Only you can make this decision for yourself. It would be like telling someone else that it is time to go to the bathroom. No one is going to do it for you. Now is the time for you to stand up and take responsibility for your own happiness! When you make this decision you realize you can no longer depend on all of those people, places or things for your happiness. This is the time we stop making excuses for the lack of happiness in our lives and give ourselves permission to take control of our own happiness!
I want to tell you a story of one my happiness clients.
Molly escaped the war in Bosnia and was able to come to San Francisco to start a new life. For many years she thought that she should not be happy because the people in her country were suffering so much. She participated in many self-help workshops, yet she was still unhappy.
At last she came to the happiness club, over and over, and she never missed a meeting. The message we teach at the happiness club is that “Happiness Is A Decision,” which never made sense to her. In her words, “I felt like you were telling me to be an orange and I am a lemon.” She thought that we were trying to tell her to be something she was not.
One day, I told her a story about two women. She was sad for many years, was divorced and very bitter, felt that her life was a struggle, was always sick, and she always needed people to pity her. She felt like her life was miserable and it would always be that way because of the events she suffered in the past.
The other woman was happy, joyful, outgoing, colorful, fun, and excited about life. This woman also suffered a great deal of pain in the past, but chose to see and experience life’s positive side.It was through this story that Molly realized that happiness really is a CHOICE!!! This was big news in the happiness club because Molly once told the group that she would never be happy. NEVER.
One woman who attended the happiness club even cried for her in empathy!
How about that? That is a very extreme case, yet it is very real and people struggle with their happiness all the time every day! Are you ready to give up the struggle? Are you ready to make the happiness decision?
Okay, for those skeptics who are saying this author is off her rocker and it can’t be that simple if I have been trying to be happy for years and now she just wants me to decide. My response would be that in all those years, you have been in your head trying to get other people, places and things to make you happy.
Place your hand on your heart, breathe and ask yourself, “Am I ready to be happy?”
If the answer is YES! Make that happiness decision!
Happiness is always available to you when you are ready for it. Or you can realize that at some point you are going to have to do something different if you are unhappy. Take a chance! Join me on the happiness highway!
If you need help accessing this happiness deep inside of you, Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Think about it. Before you go to the bathroom, you decide to go to the bathroom. Before you do the dishes, you decide to do the dishes. Before you go on a date, you decide to go on a date. Do you understand my point? Before you do anything you have to decide to do it!
Take a minute to ponder the idea of happiness infused into every aspect of your life...
In all of your social interactions, you express gratitude, acceptance, love, kindness, zest, and optimism. You are smiling almost the whole time no matter if you are talking to someone on the phone or in person. Imagine being the recipient of that gratitude, acceptance, love, kindness, zest and optimism. It feels great right? Sharing your happiness feels like the right thing to do. In your consumptions, you are conscious of the value of minimalism, ethics, and environmental sustainability. You are the embodiment of happiness in all of your thoughts, words and actions. In the entertainment sector of your life, you attend friend gatherings and celebrations, you support local music, and dance until you cannot move anymore! Your clothing is colorful, vibrant and has smiley faces on everything,
It looks pretty good, huh?! You in your happy life. And it feels good too! I know because this is the kind of happy life I live everyday :-)!
This awesome, happy life is possible & within your control!
The firt step to achieving it is for you to make the decision to be happy. No one is going to make it for you! Only you can make this decision for yourself. It would be like telling someone else that it is time to go to the bathroom. No one is going to do it for you. Now is the time for you to stand up and take responsibility for your own happiness! When you make this decision you realize you can no longer depend on all of those people, places or things for your happiness. This is the time we stop making excuses for the lack of happiness in our lives and give ourselves permission to take control of our own happiness!
I want to tell you a story of one my happiness clients.
Molly escaped the war in Bosnia and was able to come to San Francisco to start a new life. For many years she thought that she should not be happy because the people in her country were suffering so much. She participated in many self-help workshops, yet she was still unhappy.
At last she came to the happiness club, over and over, and she never missed a meeting. The message we teach at the happiness club is that “Happiness Is A Decision,” which never made sense to her. In her words, “I felt like you were telling me to be an orange and I am a lemon.” She thought that we were trying to tell her to be something she was not.
One day, I told her a story about two women. She was sad for many years, was divorced and very bitter, felt that her life was a struggle, was always sick, and she always needed people to pity her. She felt like her life was miserable and it would always be that way because of the events she suffered in the past.
The other woman was happy, joyful, outgoing, colorful, fun, and excited about life. This woman also suffered a great deal of pain in the past, but chose to see and experience life’s positive side.It was through this story that Molly realized that happiness really is a CHOICE!!! This was big news in the happiness club because Molly once told the group that she would never be happy. NEVER.
One woman who attended the happiness club even cried for her in empathy!
How about that? That is a very extreme case, yet it is very real and people struggle with their happiness all the time every day! Are you ready to give up the struggle? Are you ready to make the happiness decision?
Okay, for those skeptics who are saying this author is off her rocker and it can’t be that simple if I have been trying to be happy for years and now she just wants me to decide. My response would be that in all those years, you have been in your head trying to get other people, places and things to make you happy.
Place your hand on your heart, breathe and ask yourself, “Am I ready to be happy?”
If the answer is YES! Make that happiness decision!
Happiness is always available to you when you are ready for it. Or you can realize that at some point you are going to have to do something different if you are unhappy. Take a chance! Join me on the happiness highway!
If you need help accessing this happiness deep inside of you, Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Achieve Radiating Beauty And Build Your Confidence!
When you feel beautiful, it gives you confidence. You know it does!
But what if you don't feel beautiful or confident?
But what if you don't feel beautiful or confident?
Let me tell you a story about how one girl developed her relationship with beauty and how it gave her unshakeable confidence in herself.
There was a girl who was twelve years old, she had zits all over her face, her hair was greasy and always in a lame hairstyle and she always wore the same three outfits over and over again. She was definitely not in the popular crowd. There was one girl in the popular crowd who would talk to her and was her friend, yet there was another girl in the popular crowd who always picked on her and put her down. This girl did not have a lot of confidence in herself.
Then the twelve year old girl turned fourteen, and her zits disappeared and she got a new hairstyle and the popular group started to talk to her. This girl then became friends with the popular group and kept her other group of friends too. She grew in her sense of confidence that had a lot to do with how others perceived her beauty. She was even sought after by modeling agencies.
When this girl turned nineteen she became overweight. She moved to Hollywood
Never being interested in acting, she pursued modeling more seriously. She hired a photographer and her goal was to model internationally. The two of them flew all over the world taking photographs to build her portfolio so she could model for top agencies.
She was invited to invitation only modeling competitions for top international agencies, From that event she ended up having representation in LA, New York , Miami , Atlanta , Chicago , and Detroit
She modeled for a few years in her early twenties and decided she needed to go back to college to finish her degree. After college, she moved to San Francisco
At this point, she was twenty five and noticed there was a shift in her self-esteem and her self-confidence. She posted up her old modeling photos so she remember her beauty. She new it was up to herself to build her self-esteem and self-confidence again. No one was going to do it for her. She trained herself to look in the mirror again and eventually she built up her self esteem and self confidence again.
This up and down back and forth experience with having beauty and not having beauty led to some deep realizations for this woman. She realized that beauty is on the inside no matter what her physical appearance may be. Zits will come and go, fat will come and go, acceptance by the popular group will come and go, professional opportunities will come and go….
What she can count on now is knowing that her beauty is not dependent on how skinny she is or how many zits she has on her face or if she has a cool haircut or if she is part of the cool crowd or if she is an international model
BECAUSE
Her beauty is on the inside. This beauty is unwavering for her and she will have it all of the time no matter what, no one can take it away from her. Knowing that this beauty is hers and no one can take it away, gives her the highest self-esteem and self-confidence that she can imagine.
This self-esteem and self-confidence created a magical switch in her daily experience. It propelled her to pursue and complete her PhD, start a business, have meetings at top television stations, pursue and achieve the relationship of her dreams and publish a book! Any guesses on who this woman is?
This self-esteem and self-confidence created a magical switch in her daily experience. It propelled her to pursue and complete her PhD, start a business, have meetings at top television stations, pursue and achieve the relationship of her dreams and publish a book! Any guesses on who this woman is?
You can develop your self-confidence and your self esteem just like this woman. It starts with the recognition of knowing only you can give yourself these powerful feelings of beauty, self-esteem, and self-confidence. As Diana LaSalle points out in her article on Feeling Beautiful, real beauty is so much more than your physical appearance!
Get in touch with the beauty of your heart, mind and soul. When you start to live this beauty, your body will reflect it out to the world and you will achieve a real radiating beauty that everyone will be able to see and feel! And yes, this will boost your confidence too :)!
Visit my Self-Help Store for tools to help you achieve real radiating beauty and build your confidence!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Get in touch with the beauty of your heart, mind and soul. When you start to live this beauty, your body will reflect it out to the world and you will achieve a real radiating beauty that everyone will be able to see and feel! And yes, this will boost your confidence too :)!
Visit my Self-Help Store for tools to help you achieve real radiating beauty and build your confidence!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Friday, March 16, 2012
4 Steps to Creating Sustainable Happiness in Your Family Relationships!
Have you ever had a fight with a family member? Were you happy when that fight occurred? Probably not. I mentioned briefly that I grew up in a loving supportive family environment. However, you know as well as I do that we all have our tiffs! So what can you do to ensure that these tiffs remain tiffs and do not escalate to become explosions?
What are the happiness tools we can apply in these situations?
• Forgiveness
• Letting Go
• Accepting Imperfection as Perfection
• Conscious Positivity
Forgiveness is a HUGE aspect of sustainable happiness. Imagine living your life full of resentments and grudges. Can you possibly be happy all of the time? No way! So we have to learn how to forgive others who have “wronged” us in one way or another.
In 2001, research by Dr. LorenToussaint and her colleagues showed that self-forgiveness and other forms of forgiveness are inversely related to psychological distress and that forgiveness of others was related to higher overall life satisfaction. Even earlier, though, in 1992, a research team including Dr. Paul Mauger, had found that forgiveness of self and others was inversely related to psychopathology. This means that if you can forgive yourself and others, you are less likely to experience a psychological disorder and consequently will be happier! Another study by, done by Tangney, Fee, & Lee in 1999, showed that when we tend to forgive others, we are less likely to experience depressive symptoms and hostility. A study by Dr. Freedman and Dr. Enright, in 1996, proved that symptoms of anxiety, depression, and anger have also been shown to decline for an individual after that individual forgives another. And yet another study, this one done by Dr. Fincham in 2000, shows a positive relationship between forgiveness and overall relationship satisfaction. So more and more we are seeing studies proving how forgiveness can enhance the quality of our relationships, not to mention our lives as a whole.
Now that you understand that forgiveness is vital to your sustainable happiness, what is forgiveness anyway? Forgiveness is the freely chosen motivational transformation in which a desire to see revenge and to avoid contact with a transgressor is lessened, a process sometimes described as an altruistic gift. (Enright, Freedman, & Rique, 1998; Worthington, 2001) Researchers have not been able to find agreement when it comes to determining whether forgiveness requires a positive action or a benevolent response (such as compassion, empathy, affection, approach behavior) in relation to the offender, or if the absence of a negative response (hostility, anger, avoidance) is sufficient. (Exline, Worthington, Hill, & McCullough, 2003; Fincham, 2000; Linley & Joseph, 2004)
The funny thing is that there actually is a scientifically proven disconnect between researchers and the rest of us in terms of how forgiveness is perceived. This was found in research done by Dr. Kantz in 2000, which showed that lay people believe reconciliation to be a necessary part of forgiveness — an element that is explicitly rejected by many definitions of forgiveness used for research purposes.
It is here that I ask you to choose the definition of forgiveness that is right for, and feels good to, you. We can only look to our heart for our personal guidance on this one.
I learned the power of forgiveness on a family vacation. This was my first family vacation as an adult for many years. During the time that I was with my family many happiness challenges arose for me. After the family vacation, I was reflecting on how I can make the most of my family relationships and the major lessons I gleaned was the value of forgiveness, letting go and conscious positivity.
Your family will be in your life forever, if you let them. Flesh and blood counts for something, and these relationships are built on a foundation of unconditional love. Given the main premise of your family relationship is unconditional love, understanding how you can manage your family in a positive way is very helpful in creating your sustainable happiness.
Letting go has only recently become a topic of research in psychology. According to Dr. Ainsworth-Smith & Dr. Speck (1982), “Letting go can imply being gently drawn into a new sort of existence; or being released or dragged into a void where nothing is safe or nothing consistent.” (p. 35) The Oxford Dictionary says that letting go is to “release, set at liberty, lose hold of, relinquish hold of, dismiss from thought, or cease to restrain.” The two main themes are a sense of liberation and a sense of loss. It appears to imply that letting go is to change something by moving it from one position to another. For the purpose of your sustainable happiness, think about letting go as liberation.
Also, the more positive actions, behaviors, and language are incorporated into the family dynamic, the more positive that dynamic will be. Imagine if everyone in your family were to consistently give you compliments and encouragement, or simply tell you “Hey, you were right”? How good would that feel? Or if you were to consistently give compliments and encouragement to them? It would feel good, right? You do not have to wait for your family to come around and employ the principles of forgiveness, letting go, and being positive. You can take action yourself, right now!
Here is an inspirational story from one of my friends about her experience of letting go with her mother.
Something must be in the air, because I had the most incredible visit with my mom last week!
It was the best time we've ever had together. The week before she arrived, I made a conscious choice to lay down my role that I've played so often with her, that of teacher/parent/coach (what is it with us gals???). What a relief...for both of us!!! Whenever I noticed the inclination to take on that role, I simply contained myself and it passed. Without that dynamic, I was so much more available to love my mom as she is. The last morning of her visit, I gave her the most extraordinary foot bath with rose scented, flower petaled water, massage, a foot mask and lots of kissing. At one point she said to me that she doesn't know if she could've done this for her mother (who died last August). I responded by saying how happy I am to be able to do this for her.
It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO AMAZING! We've shattered the pattern that's been passed on for who knows how many generations of withholding love between mother & daughter. I am SOOOOO grateful to be able to share my love with my mom and to really feel her receiving it. That's all I really wanted to do when I took on the role of teacher/parent/coach, but didn't know how to just love her. I'm so grateful for her willingness to receive my love and to feel her love for me. It was such a precious time we spent together.
Such a burden has been lifted from my heart and now I just feel love for her. It's like we get to be little girls together in a strange sort of way...just playing & loving...wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!.
Love to each one of you & to your mamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Family plays such a huge part in our sustainable happiness. We have to acknowledge and accept that everyone has their flaws and it is the beauty of our human experience. To accept the ‘im’perfection in ourselves, our parents and siblings is one of our lessons in life. We achieve this when we can fully give and receive unconditional love. And unconditional love is achieved through forgiveness and letting go; all of which are huge players in our sustainable happiness.
Need more help or inspiration to bring happiness into your relationships?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help you on your way to health and happy relationships!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
What are the happiness tools we can apply in these situations?
• Forgiveness
• Letting Go
• Accepting Imperfection as Perfection
• Conscious Positivity
Forgiveness is a HUGE aspect of sustainable happiness. Imagine living your life full of resentments and grudges. Can you possibly be happy all of the time? No way! So we have to learn how to forgive others who have “wronged” us in one way or another.
In 2001, research by Dr. LorenToussaint and her colleagues showed that self-forgiveness and other forms of forgiveness are inversely related to psychological distress and that forgiveness of others was related to higher overall life satisfaction. Even earlier, though, in 1992, a research team including Dr. Paul Mauger, had found that forgiveness of self and others was inversely related to psychopathology. This means that if you can forgive yourself and others, you are less likely to experience a psychological disorder and consequently will be happier! Another study by, done by Tangney, Fee, & Lee in 1999, showed that when we tend to forgive others, we are less likely to experience depressive symptoms and hostility. A study by Dr. Freedman and Dr. Enright, in 1996, proved that symptoms of anxiety, depression, and anger have also been shown to decline for an individual after that individual forgives another. And yet another study, this one done by Dr. Fincham in 2000, shows a positive relationship between forgiveness and overall relationship satisfaction. So more and more we are seeing studies proving how forgiveness can enhance the quality of our relationships, not to mention our lives as a whole.
Now that you understand that forgiveness is vital to your sustainable happiness, what is forgiveness anyway? Forgiveness is the freely chosen motivational transformation in which a desire to see revenge and to avoid contact with a transgressor is lessened, a process sometimes described as an altruistic gift. (Enright, Freedman, & Rique, 1998; Worthington, 2001) Researchers have not been able to find agreement when it comes to determining whether forgiveness requires a positive action or a benevolent response (such as compassion, empathy, affection, approach behavior) in relation to the offender, or if the absence of a negative response (hostility, anger, avoidance) is sufficient. (Exline, Worthington, Hill, & McCullough, 2003; Fincham, 2000; Linley & Joseph, 2004)
The funny thing is that there actually is a scientifically proven disconnect between researchers and the rest of us in terms of how forgiveness is perceived. This was found in research done by Dr. Kantz in 2000, which showed that lay people believe reconciliation to be a necessary part of forgiveness — an element that is explicitly rejected by many definitions of forgiveness used for research purposes.
It is here that I ask you to choose the definition of forgiveness that is right for, and feels good to, you. We can only look to our heart for our personal guidance on this one.
I learned the power of forgiveness on a family vacation. This was my first family vacation as an adult for many years. During the time that I was with my family many happiness challenges arose for me. After the family vacation, I was reflecting on how I can make the most of my family relationships and the major lessons I gleaned was the value of forgiveness, letting go and conscious positivity.
Your family will be in your life forever, if you let them. Flesh and blood counts for something, and these relationships are built on a foundation of unconditional love. Given the main premise of your family relationship is unconditional love, understanding how you can manage your family in a positive way is very helpful in creating your sustainable happiness.
Letting go has only recently become a topic of research in psychology. According to Dr. Ainsworth-Smith & Dr. Speck (1982), “Letting go can imply being gently drawn into a new sort of existence; or being released or dragged into a void where nothing is safe or nothing consistent.” (p. 35) The Oxford Dictionary says that letting go is to “release, set at liberty, lose hold of, relinquish hold of, dismiss from thought, or cease to restrain.” The two main themes are a sense of liberation and a sense of loss. It appears to imply that letting go is to change something by moving it from one position to another. For the purpose of your sustainable happiness, think about letting go as liberation.
Also, the more positive actions, behaviors, and language are incorporated into the family dynamic, the more positive that dynamic will be. Imagine if everyone in your family were to consistently give you compliments and encouragement, or simply tell you “Hey, you were right”? How good would that feel? Or if you were to consistently give compliments and encouragement to them? It would feel good, right? You do not have to wait for your family to come around and employ the principles of forgiveness, letting go, and being positive. You can take action yourself, right now!
Here is an inspirational story from one of my friends about her experience of letting go with her mother.
Something must be in the air, because I had the most incredible visit with my mom last week!
It was the best time we've ever had together. The week before she arrived, I made a conscious choice to lay down my role that I've played so often with her, that of teacher/parent/coach (what is it with us gals???). What a relief...for both of us!!! Whenever I noticed the inclination to take on that role, I simply contained myself and it passed. Without that dynamic, I was so much more available to love my mom as she is. The last morning of her visit, I gave her the most extraordinary foot bath with rose scented, flower petaled water, massage, a foot mask and lots of kissing. At one point she said to me that she doesn't know if she could've done this for her mother (who died last August). I responded by saying how happy I am to be able to do this for her.
It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO AMAZING! We've shattered the pattern that's been passed on for who knows how many generations of withholding love between mother & daughter. I am SOOOOO grateful to be able to share my love with my mom and to really feel her receiving it. That's all I really wanted to do when I took on the role of teacher/parent/coach, but didn't know how to just love her. I'm so grateful for her willingness to receive my love and to feel her love for me. It was such a precious time we spent together.
Such a burden has been lifted from my heart and now I just feel love for her. It's like we get to be little girls together in a strange sort of way...just playing & loving...wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!.
Love to each one of you & to your mamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Family plays such a huge part in our sustainable happiness. We have to acknowledge and accept that everyone has their flaws and it is the beauty of our human experience. To accept the ‘im’perfection in ourselves, our parents and siblings is one of our lessons in life. We achieve this when we can fully give and receive unconditional love. And unconditional love is achieved through forgiveness and letting go; all of which are huge players in our sustainable happiness.
Need more help or inspiration to bring happiness into your relationships?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help you on your way to health and happy relationships!
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Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Q: How can I be happy when I feel constant time pressure?
A: Imagine two birds in a tree.
One bird says to the other, “I have to go now, I am meeting my other bird friend at 3 00pm.”
Of course we have to acknowledge time is a man made phenomenon. It provides structure to our days so we remain in the ‘productivity’ role of our mind. However, this notion of time, causes great suffering for those who are dead line driven or constantly needing to check off the never ending to do list.
Stress, Anxiety, Compulsion, Distraction, Confusion, Overwhelm, Desperation, Anger
These are all negative experiences time constraints can provide for us.
I invite you to look above time for now....
Take a deep breath, rise above your relationship to time…and take a good hard look at it.
What is your experience with time? What does it mean to you? Is it stressing you out?
Well... Now, go ahead and imagine your upward spiral of life.
Do you see freedom from time? Enjoying your time? Accomplishing your goals with flow and ease?
What is the trick to turn the downward stressed based experience of time into the magic and rainbows of life?
LIVE IN THE MOMENT!
For a lesson on living in the moment you can purchase this audio for $11.99
Watch this free video!
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to be happy. More goodies on www.howtobehappystore.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
Monday, August 15, 2011
Q: How can I be happy when I am unlovable and unworthy of happiness?
A: Awww....
This is a great question! You know how many people are in your shoes? Probably all of my clients over the years have felt this at some point.
I am about to demystify this for you.
First of all, YOU ARE LOVABLE and you ARE WORTHY of happiness!
Something probably happened to you between the ages of 0-6 where you thought maybe this was true.
Perhaps, your parents left you with a baby sitter, perhaps you had a younger sibling born, perhaps you were not chosen for the neighborhood kickball team?
Who knows?
So this incident has scarred your subconscious and you have been telling yourself this your whole life!
See, if you take a deeper look at this, is it really true that you are not lovable or don’t deserve to be happy?
Come on! Of course you are!!!
Simply by being born and breathing you are lovable and worthy of happiness.
I call this the rider and elephant phenomenon.
Your elephant is what is developed as your subconscious from ages 0-6.
Your rider is you conscious who is reading this blog post right now, however your elephant is in the room.
You rider has to steer your elephant toward the thought direction that will lead you into your upward spiral.
You are old enough to choose your beliefs right?
So in psychology we operate with a belief-thought-emotion- behavior model.
If your thought is I am unlovable, go ahead and ask your heart, what is the root belief behind this thought and wait for a response.
When your heart reveals your core root belief under this thought, challenge it!
Ask, “Is this really true?”
I am willing to bet anything that the belief that surfaces is a flat out lie!
So your elephant has been operating on false beliefs for how long?
Times need to change, you need to consciously choose a belief that kickstarts your upward spiral, leads to a thought that is supportive of your happiness, which therefore is going to make you feel happy and consequently you may be smiling.
We have totally changed your psychological understanding of the idea that you are not lovable and don’t deserve happiness.
You can consciously choose your beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors so they lead to you feeling good in your life.
I call this exercise, weeding out your garden of happiness of negative beliefs.
Happiness is work, just like everything, so you may as well start by weeding out your garden of happiness of negative beliefs right now!
Dr. Aymee
This is a great question! You know how many people are in your shoes? Probably all of my clients over the years have felt this at some point.
I am about to demystify this for you.
First of all, YOU ARE LOVABLE and you ARE WORTHY of happiness!
Something probably happened to you between the ages of 0-6 where you thought maybe this was true.
Perhaps, your parents left you with a baby sitter, perhaps you had a younger sibling born, perhaps you were not chosen for the neighborhood kickball team?
Who knows?
So this incident has scarred your subconscious and you have been telling yourself this your whole life!
See, if you take a deeper look at this, is it really true that you are not lovable or don’t deserve to be happy?
Come on! Of course you are!!!
Simply by being born and breathing you are lovable and worthy of happiness.
I call this the rider and elephant phenomenon.
Your elephant is what is developed as your subconscious from ages 0-6.
Your rider is you conscious who is reading this blog post right now, however your elephant is in the room.
You rider has to steer your elephant toward the thought direction that will lead you into your upward spiral.
You are old enough to choose your beliefs right?
So in psychology we operate with a belief-thought-emotion- behavior model.
If your thought is I am unlovable, go ahead and ask your heart, what is the root belief behind this thought and wait for a response.
When your heart reveals your core root belief under this thought, challenge it!
Ask, “Is this really true?”
I am willing to bet anything that the belief that surfaces is a flat out lie!
So your elephant has been operating on false beliefs for how long?
Times need to change, you need to consciously choose a belief that kickstarts your upward spiral, leads to a thought that is supportive of your happiness, which therefore is going to make you feel happy and consequently you may be smiling.
We have totally changed your psychological understanding of the idea that you are not lovable and don’t deserve happiness.
You can consciously choose your beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors so they lead to you feeling good in your life.
I call this exercise, weeding out your garden of happiness of negative beliefs.
Happiness is work, just like everything, so you may as well start by weeding out your garden of happiness of negative beliefs right now!
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at www.howtobehappystore.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
Q: How can I be happy if my to do list haunts me?
A: Well.... you are not alone!
Do you know how many people tie their happiness to their to do list?
I would even venture to say most Americans suffer from the to do list syndrome... moping around... because they never crossed off enough things from their list on any given day....
We for some reason, feel happier when we are more productive, yet we are also more stressed out, discontent and unfulfilled by the same concept of the to do list.
If I were to ask your to do list, “Are you responsible for <fill in your name>’s happiness?”
What do you think the to do list would say?
Actually, your to do list is an inanimate object and would not know what the heck I was talking about!
So next time when you are fretting over the lack of ‘significant’ accomplishment on your to do list, think about who is really responsible for your happiness.
YOU!
and this starts with you choosing happiness right now!
This means you can no longer blame your to do list for your unhappiness.
You have only one choice and that is to choose to take responsibility for your happiness and that starts with making the happiness decision.
Go ahead, walk over to a mirror, put your hand on your heart and look at yourself deep in the eyes!
Recite,
I <fill in your name>,
Do solemnly decide
to adopt the happiness decision
by being happy now!
Rather than react to my problems
I will use happiness to respond to them
forsaking all negative thoughts.
Regardless of circumstances,
in all ways, I will
choose happiness
for the rest of my sweet life!
*note, thanks to Lionel Ketchian et al of The Happiness Club for the happiness decision declaration.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Now that you have made the happiness decision, you can choose happiness no matter how many items are on your to do list.
and, research shows that happy people are more productive so you will probably even get more things done than the other way of looking at your to do list...
So, instead of your levels of accomplishment dictate your happiness or lack of...
My proposal to you is first choose happiness and perhaps you will surprise yourself with your levels of accomplishment.
Dr. Aymee
Do you know how many people tie their happiness to their to do list?
I would even venture to say most Americans suffer from the to do list syndrome... moping around... because they never crossed off enough things from their list on any given day....
We for some reason, feel happier when we are more productive, yet we are also more stressed out, discontent and unfulfilled by the same concept of the to do list.
If I were to ask your to do list, “Are you responsible for <fill in your name>’s happiness?”
What do you think the to do list would say?
Actually, your to do list is an inanimate object and would not know what the heck I was talking about!
So next time when you are fretting over the lack of ‘significant’ accomplishment on your to do list, think about who is really responsible for your happiness.
YOU!
and this starts with you choosing happiness right now!
This means you can no longer blame your to do list for your unhappiness.
You have only one choice and that is to choose to take responsibility for your happiness and that starts with making the happiness decision.
Go ahead, walk over to a mirror, put your hand on your heart and look at yourself deep in the eyes!
Recite,
I <fill in your name>,
Do solemnly decide
to adopt the happiness decision
by being happy now!
Rather than react to my problems
I will use happiness to respond to them
forsaking all negative thoughts.
Regardless of circumstances,
in all ways, I will
choose happiness
for the rest of my sweet life!
*note, thanks to Lionel Ketchian et al of The Happiness Club for the happiness decision declaration.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Now that you have made the happiness decision, you can choose happiness no matter how many items are on your to do list.
and, research shows that happy people are more productive so you will probably even get more things done than the other way of looking at your to do list...
So, instead of your levels of accomplishment dictate your happiness or lack of...
My proposal to you is first choose happiness and perhaps you will surprise yourself with your levels of accomplishment.
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget is an expert of happiness at work. For more information about products and services including a workbook on how to create your happy profession, visit her website at www.happinessmakeover.com and connect to her on fb, twitter and youtube.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Q: How do I help myself feel better when my mood is low?
A: Whenever you feel down, here are three practices you can do to instantly lift your mood, whenever you want!
Smile
Smiling increases the level of Serotonin, a happy chemical in our brain. This makes smiling an important practice for increasing our mood whenever we want, instantly!
Express gratitude
The trick to a successful gratitude practice is to never repeat. Focus on the heart based wisdom things, experiences, and people who contribute to your life. This allows you to deepen your feeling of gratitude in your daily gratitude practice. Example: "I am grateful for my dog" vs "I am grateful for the unconditional love and companionship my dog adds to my life."
Be optimistic
We have an optimism center of our brain that when used, increases our mood!
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at her website www.happinessmakeover.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
Q: How can I be happy if the people around me are unhappy?
A: This is one of the top questions I receive from people. Before we admit our unhappiness to ourselves, we see it in others. It is easy to spot if someone is unhappy because it feels different than when you are around a happy person. This is because of the emotional contagion theory, which means we have a direct relationship between how we feel and how we impact the people around us.
This is why it is great to take leadership and become the happiness activist wherever you go. At this point learning happiness science is a needle in a haystack of life. So more than likely you have to depend on yourself to be the one to ‘bring the happiness’ to the party.
So the best way to influence someone’s mood to help them feel better is by using the AAA. The AAA is:
Admiration
Appreciation
Affection
You have to use the AAA all together. One right after the other. Go ahead and think about who you want to help feel better and communicate with them through the AAA asap.
For fun, you can practice below in the comments. I would love for you to devote a AAA comment to someone who you would like to help feel better.
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at her website www.happinessmakeover.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
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