The Pursuit Of Happiness Isn't the Way to Happiness!

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness..."


Wow! That is a powerful statement in our Deceleration of Independence! And what better day to reflect on it than today - our Independence Day! Happy 4th of July everyone :-)!!!


As your happiness expert, I'd like to address just the little part of it that says we have an unalienable right to the pursuit of Happiness.


While I believe that each and everyone of us has a right to be happy, I also believe that the pursuit of happiness isn't the way to happiness!


Watch my video below to find out why:

Need more help learning how to be always happy? Visit my self-help store! 

Let me know what you think by leaving a comment below - I value your feedback :-)!

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Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 


Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.  

The 1st Step To Creating Your Happy Profession!

Do you hate your job?  


Let me guess: You did or did not go to college and you found yourself stumbling around and haphazardly deciding on your profession.   


Instead of continuing to allow your experiences, education, parents and other outside circumstances to dictate your professional decisions, wouldn't you like to know how to make CHOICES FROM YOUR HEART?   


I have designed a format to help people learn how to create their most perfectly happy profession, step by step based on Hackman and Oldham’s (1976) Job Characteristics Model. Below is a brief lesson from Wikipedia on what this Job Characteristics Model is all about…   


The Job Characteristics model (JCM) proposed by Richard Hackman and Greg Oldham in 1976 is a very influential model of job enrichment which attempts to address how a core set of job characteristics impact a number of psychological states, leading to specific related outcomes in the work environment.  This model has five core job characteristics: skill variety, task significance, task identity, autonomy and feedback. The psychological states included in the model are meaningfulness of work, responsibility for outcomes and knowledge of results. Outcomes consist of high intrinsic motivation, high job performance, high job satisfaction and low absenteeism/turnover. 


According to Hackman & Oldham’s model, skill variety, task significance and task identity are used in the work environment to stimulate meaningfulness and produce outcomes of both or either high intrinsic motivation and high job performance. Therefore, if employees feel they are fully utilizing a variety of their skills, their job affects many people to a great extent and they are allowed to complete the task from beginning to end, it is likely they will perceive the job as meaningful, leading to high job performance and/or high intrinsic motivation. 


The presence of autonomy in the workforce leads to the psychological state of felt responsibility for outcomes, resulting in high job satisfaction. Thus, if employees are able to determine the method or approach in which the work is accomplished they feel responsible for the end product and are therefore more satisfied with what they have accomplished, less likely to quit (turnover) and also more likely to attend work (low absenteeism). Autonomy is contrasted by being told what to do and the manner in which to do it. 


The last core job characteristic, feedback produces a psychological state in which employees develop knowledge of their results, producing outcomes similar to autonomy (high job satisfaction, low turnover/absenteeism). In other words, knowing how you are performing and being aware that superiors know how you are performing leads to more job satisfaction, less absenteeism and turnover.   


Does that sound good to you?  I hope so! Take the first step to creating your happy profession -- Put On Your Gandhi Hat!   


For those who do not know of Mahatma Gandhi (October 2, 1869 – January 30, 1948), he is one of the greatest leaders of our past.  Mahatma Gandhi (məhatma; from Sanskrit, mahātmā: Great Soul), also known as Bapu (in Gujarati, Overweighther), was a major political and spiritual leader of India and the Indian independence movement. In India, he is recognized as the Overweighther of the Nation. October 2nd, his birthday, is commemorated each year as Gandhi Jayanti, and is a national holiday. He was the pioneer of Satyagraha—the resistance of tyranny through mass civil disobedience, firmly founded upon ahimsa or total non-violence—which led India to independence and inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world. (Wikipedia, 2007)   


This man was the inspiration to many, I want you to think about yourself in his shoes. How would it feel, what would it look like, what would you be doing? What would give you so much meaning in life to go to the lengths that he went?  What would this purpose be? Envision that you are living your life with an exclamation point!  Others will always remember you for this (fill in the blank), because you did it so well and accomplished so much!   


One of Gandhi’s more famous quotes is “Be the change you want to see in the world.”   Please reflect on this.  (Reflection is a fancy word for “mulling it over.”)  What is the change you would want to see in the world?  Embrace that, become that. I chose to become a happy, loving, accepting, healthy, peaceful person who helps others which is what I would like to see everyone look like in our world.  After we make the decision to be the change we want to see in the world, it is imperative to learn how to accomplish and uphold that decision.   Take some time now to describe the changes you would like to see in the world in writing. What does that look like for yourself?  Describe yourself using those characteristics. 




For more great tools and ideas to help you create your perfect, happy profession, visit my self-help store!


*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 


Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.   

How To Create Your Happy Life :-)!

A wonderful woman, Sandy Weiner, who has a very decorated educational and professional resume in the area of leadership, sent the following visioning exercise to me that I adjusted for you.  The first step in creating your vision for a happy life is to find a trusted companion and a quiet room where you can be relaxed.  Have the person read to you the following visioning exercise.

To the reader: read the following passage closely and with positive intention, allowing the visualizer the time to relax and visualize.

Visioning Exercise
Speak slowly, in a warm voice….
(For about one minute)
Sit comfortably with your feet resting on the ground, your hands resting comfortably on your lap.
Take a deep breath and relax.
Now take another deep breath and relax even further.
You may notice that there are places in your body that are stressed or tight. Just notice them…. and then let them go.

Continue to breathe comfortably….
As thoughts occur,…. just notice them… and let them go

Say in a slowly paced, clear, and relaxed voice….
Imagine that you are walking along a seashore… The sun is shining and you can feel the sun’s warmth on your body.  Continue to walk along the seashore. .. and relax….

Notice a door ahead of you. Open the door. There are stairs going down… Slowly descend the stairs …counting as you go…

1…. 2….…3…….4……5…….6……7……8………9……10

When you reach the landing notice that there is another door in front of you.   On the door it says …. My Future Happy Life. It is a very beautiful door and you reach out with warmth and excitement to open the door and walk inside.

It is a movie theater and you notice that the movie playing is an exciting one -- 'My Happy Life looking back from the future  to now'…. You take your seat in the theater and watch the movie.  It is a very interesting movie, showing scenes of how you have progressed and grown happier and happier over the past years… You have taken a proactive stance in your happiness ….    What institutions are you happily a part of?   What type of people are around you?  What types of conversations are they having?…. What does your home environment look like? Notice the people around you…. The types of things you are doing….   What gets you excited…… How you spend your day…..Note what role you play….. What types of sentences, phrases, and words come up in your speech?  What are you proud of? What are your habits?  What does being you feel like?…  What else stands out for you?  … What do others say about you? About your happiness?….How does it feel to hear these things? ....What are you doing for fun? ....What gives you flow in your life?  …. What in your happy life stands out so much?

NOTE to the reader: leave time for each image to appear…. You may want to suggest that visualizers jot down what they are seeing on the paper in front of them and then go back to the movie until they are finished.  Allow 5 - 10 minutes… repeating focal points as listed above or others every 15 - 20 seconds. When you feel ready to move on… say:

Now, it is time to end the movie and return to the present…. please close your eyes, notice your breathing again… and find yourself leaving the movie theater… exiting out the door and returning up the steps, counting 10…. 9….. 8…7…… 6….  Take a deep breath and begin to feel your body waken….. 5….4…..3….  notice the sounds in the room around you….. 2…. 1 ….

Open your eyes and slowly look around…. When you feel comfortable, please either write or draw as much of your vision of your future as you can. …. describing what your happy life will be like in the future. You may need to close your eyes briefly to remember parts…..   Try to make your description as whole as possible.

Amazing!  I hope what you saw in your visualization was amazing and eye opening to possibilities you never thought possible.

Someone once said that when we achieve our goals we will be happy.  When we have met the perfect person we will be happy or when we do the right things or have the right material items in our life we will be happy.  


This Is Wrong!  


All of these come to us easier when we are happy.  Please stop looking on the outside for other people, places and things to make you happy, just look inside of yourself.  That is where true lasting happiness lays waiting for you to access it.

The vision that just appeared for you is available to you, you just have to decide to make it happen!  If you write out your vision you'll find it that much easier to realize it. Start off with the questions below!

Who was with you?

What actions were you participating in?

What were your surroundings like?

What were the sentences coming from your mouth?

Describe how you were feeling.


Need more help with creating your happy life? Visit my self help store for some great tools!


*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 


Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.   

The Rapid Highway to Lasting Happiness :-)!

One of the stereotypes many people hold is that happy people are optimistic fools who don’t understand what is going on in the real world.  If you one of those people, read on!

Just so we are on the same page, optimism is a general disposition to expect the best in all things. Optimism gives us the sense that no matter what the situation, everything is happening for the best. Optimists are people who expect good things to happen to them.  And in my personal experience, such optimism is a rapid highway to lasting happiness :-)!

In 2006, Sonja Lyubormirski and Kennon Sheldon’s research proved that people who envision the best possible future for themselves tend to experience increased personal well-being. The study also showed that the consistent practice of an optimistic outlook will not only increase, but will sustain, happiness over time.

When happiness challenges arise, how you respond will depend on whether you are an optimist or a pessimist. Optimists are likely to expect to have positive outcomes even when things are hard. Their confidence in the positive outcome yields positive emotions. 

Research shows optimism predicts lower levels of depressive symptoms in a number of studies.  There was a surge of research in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s, which indicated:

A general sense of optimism about life leads to a high satisfaction with life. 

Higher levels of optimism predicts lower levels of distress.

Optimism relates to psychological adjustment both directly and also indirectly through a sense of personal efficacy (the ability to think “I can do it!”)

Optimism has a positive effect on psychological well-being among people with medical problems and their care givers.

Optimism is related to lower depression and higher levels of psychological well-being

Higher levels of optimism upon entering college predict lower levels of psychological distress toward the end of the first semester.

All this in not an accident!

Sometimes optimists get a bad rap for not being “realistic”.  However, in the Handbook of Positive Psychology, two top researchers on optimism, Charles Carver and Michael Scheier (2002), explain, “Optimists are not simply people who stick their heads in the sand and ignore threats to their well-being.  Indeed they attend to risks, but selectively.  They focus on risks that are applicable to them and also are related to potentially serious health problems. If the potential health problem is minor, or if it is unlikely to bear on them, optimists do not show elevated vigilance emerge. Optimists appear to scan their surroundings for threats to well-being but save their behavioral responses for threats that are truly meaningful.”

In other words Optimistic people are likely to take action steps to ensure the positive quality of their future!

For example, Optimists report having more health promoting behaviors than pessimists.

Optimism relates to an increase in the likelihood of exercise, vitamin intake, and the consumption of low-fat foods.

Optimists make an effort to reduce their risk to safeguard their health!

Do you see now that optimistic and happy people are in fact smart, hardworking, and experience many benefits in life?! So now are you ready to cultivate optimism for yourself?

Yes, that’s right, even if you are pessimistic now, you can learn how to become much more optimistic, it’s just a matter of changing how you think :-)!

In late October 2007, ground breaking happiness research proved that there is in fact an optimism center of the brain! Science Daily (October 25th, 2007) reports,

A neural network that may generate the human tendency to be optimistic has been identified by researchers at New York University. As humans, we expect to live longer and be more successful than average, and we underestimate our likelihood of getting a divorce or having cancer. The results, reported in Nature, link the optimism bias to the same brain regions that show irregularities in depression.

(The study was conducted by a team of researchers from the laboratory of NYU Professor Elizabeth Phelps. The lead author is Tali Sharot, now a post-doctoral fellow at University College London).

This shows that if we exercise the optimism part of our brain we will indeed be happier!  This is really monumental research in the new science of happiness. Go get your rose colored glasses!

For the actual transition from pessimism to optimism, researchers look to cognitive behavioral therapy to help you train your brain differently. I am not asking you to ignore horrible things going on around you, just try to have faith that everything happens for a reason.  You can be a “realistic optimist.”

In addition to controlling your thoughts in response to happiness challenges, I think it is essential for you to know that you are in the hands of the universe and you can develop faith in the concept that everything will work out just fine. No matter what, we are part of a plan, and although we do have free will, there has been a destiny laid out for us.  Have faith and be optimistic!

Keep a journal in which you imagine and write about the best possible future for yourself.  Right now, start brainstorming about what that future will look like for you :-)…

For more great ideas and tools to help you cultivate your optimism, visit my self help store!

*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 


Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.   

How To Train Your Brain To Happiness :-)

What you are about to read is a real-life story - it REALLY happened! Our hero is a Dr. Robert Muller...


Dr. Muller found himself being pursued by Nazi Germans one day while at work. He hid in the attic of the hotel where the office was located when he was joined by a colleague.  The colleague gave him the following report. 


“You have little chance of escape, if any. There are five or six Gestapos in the building. They are systematically searching offices and appear quite relaxed, for they know that you are here. The entrance to the hotel is blocked and a prison van is stationed at the curb. To hide here in the attics or climb on the roof will not help. You know perfectly well that they will shoot you down like a pigeon.”   


WOW! How about getting that news?! 


It was at that point that Dr. Muller thought to himself that, “This is the moment of all moments, keep cool and in full command of my mental and physical capabilities.” Dr. Muller had read books from Dr. Emile Coue, one of them being "Self- Mastery Through Conscious Auto- Suggestion". In that book he had learned that he could influence his state of mind through training his brain! (Just like The Secret says!)  
He suddenly remembered Dr. Coue and told himself, “I must feel relaxed and even elated about this situation.” 
He followed the advice of Dr. Coue and he repeated to himself “…it was indeed an extraordinary and thrilling adventure for a twenty-year old youth to be trapped in a hotel, pursued by the Nazis. Would it not be exciting if I could play a trick on them and slip through their fingers?”   


Can you believe that?! This is an extreme decision to change his mindset no matter what someone he trusted said.  He knew he could access his best self if he felt cool calm and collected!  Amazing!    
Dr. Muller says, “Having switched my perspective to a positive, confident frame of mind, I felt relaxed, even happy and cheerful, without any fear or thought of failure whatsoever.”
It was when he set this intention that he was able to concoct an escape plan where he ended up walking right past the Gestapo agents in a disguise. He told them that he saw the man they were looking for on the 4th floor! Dr Muller walked right out the front door with ease!   


WOW!!


Do you want to be able to train your brain like Dr. Muller and have the power to get yourself out of even life's most difficult and extreme situations with happiness?


Are you ready right now? 



Then empower yourself to take charge of your brain and take responsibility for your thoughts!
Let’s do it!   


Two ways we can take charge of our thoughts are through setting intentions and repeating affirmations. 
I talked about how important and necessary the practice of setting intentions is in my blog post "The First Step To Happiness -- Decide To Be Happy :-)!" 


So today, I will only remind you that we can go nowhere without the intention being placed! That is the first step. If you haven't taken it already, do it now -- decide to be happy!


Our intention set lets focus now on how you can use Affirmations to take charge of your thoughts.



An affirmation is a statement or proposition that is declared to be true. Once you enact the intention you can ensure its success with an affirmation.  An example of an affirmation would be “Today is the happiest day of my life!”
I have all my happiness coaching clients make this affirmation daily as part of their morning routine :).


In search for more amazing happiness affirmations, I came across Dr. Loretta J. Standley’s website (www.drstandley.com ) which had an amazing amount of information for how we can achieve optimal health and happiness through our mind, body and spirit. She illustrates the following as examples of affirmations we can use to bring forth more happiness in our lives.     


My happiness is reflected in my smile and cheerful personality. 
My pleasing and joyful personality is contagious. 
I AM always kind and helpful to strangers. 
I spring out of bed with joy and excitement. 
I AM excited about the new day and look forward to it with anticipation and interest. 
I choose to be happy at the start of each day. 
I laugh at myself with childish joy. 
My sense of humor touches everyone around me. 
My happiness continually brings me more happiness. 
My happiness draws an overwhelming amount of blessings into my Life.   


Dr. Loretta Standley gives explicit instructions below as to what to do with these affirmations exactly… 


Remember to write or say any of the below listed affirmations at least 40X daily for 40 days. It takes 40 days to impress upon the unconscious "reacting" mind all that you desire and dream. Then it becomes automatic behavior in the conscious "acting" mind. Affirmations are the same as doing any type of repetitive exercise to change or learn a new behavior. 


Put 40 beads, coins or beans in a cup and when you say each affirmation, take out 1 bead, coin or bead. In this way, you will not have to focus on counting your affirmations and you will be able to meditate on the affirmation while at the same time "feeling" it as well. 


It is VERY important to say the affirmation slowly with feeling. Give yourself time to let your body "feel" the affirmation. If your affirmation refers to "wealth," then "feel" the wealth. If your affirmation refers to "Love," then allow yourself to "feel" Love all around you. 


If you get side-tracked and miss a day then go back to Day 1 and start over. First, call to mind what caused you to divert your attention from your affirmations and second, be truly grateful for the awareness. Now you'll know how important it is to change your subconscious mind. "Enjoy" saying your affirmations and the Power of your spoken word.   


I also found Remez Sasson, author of "The Power of Affirmations", to be quite practical in the description of affirmations and why and how we use them.  He says, “Affirmations are statements that describe a desired condition or situation, and which are often repeated. They consist of words, but they automatically and involuntarily conjure mental images in the mind. These mental images, if repeated often, are brought into reality by the power of the mind.”  He goes on to explain they are effective because: They motivate. They keep the mind focused on the goal. They enter into the subconscious mind, and use its power to push toward the goal from within. People sometimes intuitively perceive what you repeat in your mind, and for some reason or another help you make it come true. They are positive statements. If repeated often, their accumulated power influences your inner and outer worlds. They resemble a radio transmission that goes out to the Universal Mind, calling on it to help you achieve your goals.   


Remez Sasson further recommends you devote special times during the day to repeat your affirmations. Or you can repeat them wherever you are and whenever you want and have the time to repeat them. Sounds easy to me!   


Just remember, the more excitement and celebration you put into the statement of your affirmations, the more powerfully it will work for you!


Need more help or inspiration in learning tools and techniques for training your brain to happiness? Then Visit my Self-Help Store!



*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 


Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.   

Live In the Moment To Live Happy!

All of our great teachers have told us to be present in our lives; all we have is what is offered to us in this moment. They tell us to live in the moment, emphasizing the power of now, over and over…. It is true that being present in our lives does contribute to our sustainable happiness!

Eckert Tolle, author of The Power of Now, connects living in the moment with sustainable happiness and explains how it helps us achieve our sustainable happiness. “For many of us there are new discoveries to be made along the way: we are not our mind; we can find our way out of psychological pain; authentic human power is found by surrendering to the Now. We also find out that the body is actually one of the keys to entry into a state of inner peace, as are the silence and space all around us. Indeed, access is everywhere available. These access points, or portals, can all be used to bring us into the Now, the present moment, where problems do not exist. It is here we find our joy and are able to embrace our true selves. It is here we discover that we are already complete and perfect.”

Having spent much of my life in academia, I had, until recently, found myself in the position of always thinking ahead.  What paper is due?  When?  What do I have to read?  By when?  How long until this semester is over?  When am I going to finish? When am I going to make money?  Is all of this education going to be worth it after all?  I was never in the moment because I was trained to always be somewhere else.  

There came a time when I said to myself, “Is living in the moment really worth all of the hype it gets?” And I set out to train myself how to live in the moment.  I invented a strategy for myself and found great results that have left me with living in the moment most of the time.  The strategy I invented is outlined for you in the exercises section on the next page.  It took me six months of constant practice, but eventually I was living in the moment. When I realized I was living in the moment 100% of the time, I felt an enormous stress lift from my shoulders. I have never gone back to living in anything but the moment!  One of my former happiness coaching clients gave me this wonderful testimonial when I asked her if she was living in the moment after our coaching has ended:

“Whenever I feel worry or fear (which used to be an almost constant state), and notice it, I catch myself breathing in the blue of the ocean and out the white of the waves, and focusing on the core of my body as an open channel.  I feel my consciousness more present deep within.  Most of the time, now, since working with Aymee, it seems the worry and fears are a distant memory.  I really noticed it recently when I flew without the slightest fear.  That's a true test for me, because I used to always experience some anxiety with flying.  It's more of a challenge to describe being present in the moment than it is to just "be" it.  When I focus on the scripture, "Peace, be still," it really seems to help too!  I find that now I feel lighter, more grateful and peaceful.  Everything seems more profound.  I'm WAY less stressed, and well-being is an almost constant state now, even when I know my body is tired and I have a lot to do.”

I really want to communicate to you that living in the moment is possible for you and everyone.  It is not just for spiritual gurus who write books about it!


Here are some exercises you can do over time to learn living in the moment. Please do them, start living in the moment and watch out!  Your happiness will sky rocket and your stress will decrease beyond your imagination!


1) If you notice yourself thinking about something in the future, such as a decision you have to make, directions you have find, a phone call you have to make, etc. then schedule a time 10 minutes before you absolutely must make that decision. This way, you know you will address the issue and you know when you will address the issue and it does not permeate every moment of your life.

2) If you notice yourself preoccupied with something in the past or future that is not an ‘action item’ like #1, then reel back your thinking like a fishing rod so you can be back in the moment. It helps to visualize the fishing rod being reeled in.  When you see the fishing rod come back to you, use your senses to get that precious gift that is offered to us in each moment.

3) If you are bored in the moment or don’t like being in that moment for whatever reason, use all of your senses to get every possible morsel out of the experience – thinking, learning, appreciating, whatever that moment has to offer.  Then express gratitude for what is being offered to you in the moment.

4) Realize that all of your appointments are tentative and you can reschedule them any time.  People generally understand if the timing just is not right and you have to reschedule.

Remember it takes time, persistence, and patience to actually achieve living in the moment. When it happens, it is worth it and you will never go back to not living in the moment!


If you need more help learning to live in the moment, Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools!


*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 


Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.   

How To Use Goal Setting To Achieve Happiness!

Goal-setting helps us achieve happiness!  


When we have something in our lives we are working toward, our happiness is greatly enhanced. If you think about it, the happy people that you know probably have goals.  I am not asking you to decide to be president or anything.  Just choose a goal or two that you care to achieve, and figure out why you care so much about them. This consequently will play a role in you feeling better :).


At Stanford, Dr. Laura Cartensen’s (1995) research talks about how socio-emotional selectivity theory suggests that older people learn to structure their lives and pursue particular goals that maximize positive emotions. (Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D., 2005) This is consistent with what I teach, which is that people can actually learn to increase their happiness to a sustainable level.  Further support for this notion comes from results of a study by happiness researchers Dr. Sheldon and Dr. Kasser (2001), which showed that age-related increases in well-being are in part mediated by willful changes, including older people’s ability to select more enjoyable and self-appropriate goals. (Lyubomirsky, S., Sheldon, K. M., & Schkade, D., 2005)  In other words, our elders have found a way to choose goals they enjoy and that fit appropriately with the things they care about in life. We need to learn to do this, too, and as soon as possible, because the sooner we figure it out, the closer we will be to feeling better!

Goal-setting has been a part of my life since childhood.  I started playing soccer at the age of six and we were always taught to be the best players and the best team we could be.  By the time I was fourteen, I made the Olympic development team, which further fueled my desire to be the best soccer player I could be.  We were always having tryouts and games, and completing individual performance goals.  I played soccer competitively until I was nineteen. So for those thirteen years the concept of goal-setting and goal-achieving was really imbedded in my daily life through school and athletics.

Now, I have a goal to help millions of people live happier lives.  This goal helps fuel my energy, effort, passion, and devotion to my cause every day, so that I can do whatever I need to do to achieve this goal.  


Of course this is a long-term goal, and this long-term goal has many short-term goals associated with it. The short-term goals include writing this blog, creating and starring in my vision of a prime-time network award winning show that teaches the audience how to be happy, teaching and performing happiness exercises in world organizations, i.e. the United Nations, World Bank, European Union, etc., I also plan to set up Happiness Centers in each country that are responsible for working to increase the country’s Gross National Happiness (GNH) Index...


As you can see, I have my work cut out for me and I am working to achieve those happiness goals every day and every minute of my life!  Not only does this help me feel intrinsic motivation, I feel a sense of duty, fulfillment, and a deep sense of meaning and purpose.  

And for those skeptics… of course, I experience setbacks and obstacles in my pursuit of those goals.  As you know, the world is not a happy and glorious place all of the time. And even I experience ups and downs, two steps forward one step back in the daily work of achieving my goals.  The important thing is how we choose to deal with those goal setbacks.  If you really remain steadfast with your happiness decision, then you will respond to those setbacks with HAPPINESS!  I know it sounds crazy, but just try it. Believe me it works.  

If you think about it from the “setback’s” perspective -- let’s say the setback is in the form of another person, and well, let’s just imagine you always being jovial and courteous toward that other person -- what kind of response do you think you will get?  Yet, what if you give someone anger, attitude and resentment?  That’s right!  It is a no brainer!  Have you ever heard that saying, “What you put out you get back.”? That is the case here. Who wants to receive someone else’s anger, attitude, or resentment?  Probably not you, definitely not me.  Think about this from the receiver’s perspective.  People do not need nor deserve the negative energy that comes with your ‘negative’, ‘low vibration’ emotions.  Please think in terms of creating an ‘Upward Spiral’ every day, that is what will help you in sustaining your happiness.  Let’s try to stay on the bright side of life, shall we?

So, are you ready to commit to some goals?!


Some of you still require more time, patience and persistence before you really commit to setting goals for your happiness.  Some of you may need help to feel comfortable in alleviating the obstacle or setback you are experiencing right now.   


If so, visit my self help store for some great tools to help you!


*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.   
 

The First Step To Happiness -- Decide To Be Happy :-)!

I know. When you read the title you were like, yeah right!  If it were only that easy!  Well if you listen to all of the experts who feel great all of the time, they all agree it starts with a decision to be happy!

Think about it. Before you go to the bathroom, you decide to go to the bathroom.  Before you do the dishes, you decide to do the dishes.  Before you go on a date, you decide to go on a date.  Do you understand my point?  Before you do anything you have to decide to do it!

Take a minute to ponder the idea of happiness infused into every aspect of your life...


In all of your social interactions, you express gratitude, acceptance, love, kindness, zest, and optimism.  You are smiling almost the whole time no matter if you are talking to someone on the phone or in person.  Imagine being the recipient of that gratitude, acceptance, love, kindness, zest and optimism.  It feels great right?  Sharing your happiness feels like the right thing to do.  In your consumptions, you are conscious of the value of minimalism, ethics, and environmental sustainability.  You are the embodiment of happiness in all of your thoughts, words and actions.  In the entertainment sector of your life, you attend friend gatherings and celebrations, you support local music, and dance until you cannot move anymore!  Your clothing is colorful, vibrant and has smiley faces on everything,  As far as the sustainable happiness worldview is concerned, you always hold a vision of a peaceful, loving, happy, healthy enlightened world remembering the importance of holding that positive vision of the future.  You are happy!  You are feeling like you never felt before, and you see happiness everywhere you look!  You are experiencing what people call the “sunny side of life!”


It looks pretty good, huh?!  You in your happy life. And it feels good too! I know because this is the kind of happy life I live everyday :-)!

This awesome, happy life is possible & within your control!

The firt step to achieving it is for you to make the decision to be happy. No one is going to make it for you! Only you can make this decision for yourself.  It would be like telling someone else that it is time to go to the bathroom.  No one is going to do it for you. Now is the time for you to stand up and take responsibility for your own happiness!  When you make this decision you realize you can no longer depend on all of those people, places or things for your happiness.  This is the time we stop making excuses for the lack of happiness in our lives and give ourselves permission to take control of our own happiness!

I want to tell you a story of one my happiness clients.
Molly escaped the war in Bosnia and was able to come to San Francisco to start a new life. For many years she thought that she should not be happy because the people in her country were suffering so much. She participated in many self-help workshops, yet she was still unhappy.

At last she came to the happiness club, over and over, and she never missed a meeting. The message we teach at the happiness club is that “Happiness Is A Decision,” which never made sense to her. In her words, “I felt like you were telling me to be an orange and I am a lemon.” She thought that we were trying to tell her to be something she was not.
One day, I told her a story about two women. She was sad for many years, was divorced and very bitter, felt that her life was a struggle, was always sick, and she always needed people to pity her. She felt like her life was miserable and it would always be that way because of the events she suffered in the past.

The other woman was happy, joyful, outgoing, colorful, fun, and excited about life. This woman also suffered a great deal of pain in the past, but chose to see and experience life’s positive side.It was through this story that Molly realized that happiness really is a CHOICE!!! This was big news in the happiness club because Molly once told the group that she would never be happy. NEVER.

One woman who attended the happiness club even cried for her in empathy!
How about that?  That is a very extreme case, yet it is very real and people struggle with their happiness all the time every day!  Are you ready to give up the struggle?  Are you ready to make the happiness decision?

Okay, for those skeptics who are saying this author is off her rocker and it can’t be that simple if I have been trying to be happy for years and now she just wants me to decide.  My response would be that in all those years, you have been in your head trying to get other people, places and things to make you happy.

Place your hand on your heart, breathe and ask yourself, “Am I ready to be happy?”
If the answer is YES! Make that happiness decision!
Happiness is always available to you when you are ready for it. Or you can realize that at some point you are going to have to do something different if you are unhappy.  Take a chance!  Join me on the happiness highway!

If you need help accessing this happiness deep inside of you, Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools!


*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 


Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.   
 

Do You Know What Happiness Is?

Aahh, the definition of happiness.

I always get a smirk on my face when I think about this because the funny thing is that no one knows how to define happiness!  
No one person can say, “I know the definition of happiness” and get everyone else’s agreement.  Happiness means different things to different people! At one level you know as much as I do -- you either are happy or you are not!  Maybe you are more nonchalant in your moods, and even you know you are leaning one way or another.


The truth is since our society has been so focused on deriving happiness from external sources, it lost touch with the real true meaning of the emotion and way of being. This is unfortunate because if you don't understand what happiness is, how are you going to move forward to achieve it?


So to help you gain an understanding of what happiness is, I am going to share with you Dr. Bob Nozik’s (Nozik, 2004) definitions of happiness. I have found these definitions in alignment with the type of happiness I teach.  Dr. Bob was not happy when he studied happiness for twenty years. Now he is happy all the time, every day, no matter what!  As of this year he has been happy every day for twenty years straight!  That means that I am bringing you definitions of happiness from a medical doctor who has experienced being unhappy and has discovered how to be happy every day!

Three Types of Happiness:


So there are three forms of happiness I will explain for you.  There is ordinary happiness, lasting happiness, and spiritual happiness.  


1. Ordinary happiness is the type of happiness we all experience at some point in our lives.  It is given to us from external stimulus.  I love the example of the secret admirer who sends you flowers. It makes you happy, right?!  But think about how long that happiness lasts.  Not very long, right?  After receiving your flowers you could potentially get stuck in traffic, get hungry, and fight with your significant other and be in a bad mood, all within an hour.  My point: Ordinary happiness is stimulated by external sources, it is fleeting, and it is not sustainable.  Even if you buy a new car, new car happiness only lasts for about a month, according to research.  According to science, this sort of happiness is achieved by finding out what circumstances make you happy and participating in those circumstances as often as possible.  Science calls this type of happiness hedonic happiness.  You may know it as hedonism.  It is defined as good feelings resulting from pleasant sensations and material possessions. It is all about the self and self-interest. That is the meat of it.  This type of happiness is great, and I have nothing against it at all.  I want you to be really clear on the idea that hedonic happiness is not sustainable beyond three months maximum. (Lyubomirsky, Kasri, Chang, & Chung, 2006) I understand that all of my circumstances are not always in my control and even if for some reason I have the illusion that I have all of my circumstances under control this study in 2006 (Lyubomirsky et al.) proved that even if we have all of the circumstances we want in our life, we will need change by that three month deadline.  Therefore, we will be unhappy again due to our circumstances.  The only thing that Lyubomirsky et al. points out that will lead us to sustainable happiness is a specific mindset (that I teach!).

2. Eudaimonic happiness was introduced in the psychology research in 2001. Science says that eudaimonic happiness is about doing good -- doing what we are best at in serving society. It is about self and others. This is what Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, calls authentic happiness. Eu-daim-onic breaks down into “nature of a good spirit” in Latin and Greek origin.  This type of happiness dates back to the days of Aristotle; where positive psychology is rooted. The basic tenants upholding this type of happiness are your authenticity, your strengths, and having meaning and purpose in life. (Deci & Ryan, 2001) Through my learning from many sustainable happiness experts and through my own experience, I have come to understand eudaimonic happiness to be sustainable.  Only you know if you are using your strengths, being authentic and having meaning and purpose in life.

3. Chaironic happiness is about being good -- being at peace with the self, with others, and with God or the cosmos. It is based on developing our innermost being and core values. It can be called spiritual or transcendental happiness, because we can experience it even when we are on our death bed or suffering from terminal cancer or in the midst of adversity. It is the kind of happiness experienced by Zen masters and individuals during peak experiences. The 14th Dalai Lama tried to teach us this in the course the Art of Happiness.

To make things simple for yourself you can think of

Eudaimonic happiness = Sustainable (lasting) happiness
&
Chaironic happiness = Spiritual happiness

When you are experiencing sustainable and spiritual happiness, you have a warm and fuzzy feeling inside you that is a combination of joy and contentment.  It is something you experience, for example, when you are “happy” to see a friend or loved one that you have not seen in a while.  This happiness is inside of you, deep inside of you, and it is located in your heart center. Sustainable happiness is with all of us all of the time. We have access to it at any moment. We don’t have to wait for that special person, that special place, or that special thing to give us the happiness we are dying for!


If you need help accessing this happiness deep inside of you, Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools!


*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 


Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.  

Want to know the fastest way to Happiness?

Quick, right now, think of five things you are grateful for and list them off the top of your head. Did you feel happier?  Probably!  

Being grateful is the number one, hands down, fastest way to happiness! 

An attitude of gratitude is essential for sustainable happiness.  Scientists have proved this over and over again.  

You may be wondering, what does the word gratitude mean anyway? 

Gratitude is derived from the Latin root gratia meaning grace, graciousness, or gratefulness. According to Pruyser (1976)  all derivatives from the Latin root “have to do with kindness, generousness, gifts, the beauty of giving and receiving, or getting something for nothing.”  Emmons and Shelton (2002) define gratitude as a psychological state that offers a “. . . felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life.”

The roots of gratitude lie in mostly religious traditions, including Christianity, Judaism, Islam and yet continue to be an elusive topic within the positive psychological literature. (Lazarus & Lazarus, 1994)  Very little empirical research has been done on gratitude. (Emmons & Shelton, 2002)

The benefits of gratitude move beyond just experiencing a satisfying intrinsic feeling and into other subjective states. Chesterton (1924)  asserted that “gratitude produced the most purely joyful moments that have been known to man.” According to the few empirical papers on gratitude, it is a pleasant condition and is linked with positive emotions, including contentment (Walker & Pitts, 1998), happiness, pride, and hope.  Dr. Emmons and Dr. Shelton reference a survey conducted by Gallup in 1998 in which over 90% of American teens and adults said that gratitude helped them to feel extremely happy or somewhat happy. Dr. Emmons and Dr. Crumpler (2000) have reported that a conscious focus on gratitude makes life more fulfilling, meaningful, and productive.  

I trust you are convinced after reading all of the scientific studies.  Now do you understand how gratitude has an extremely positive effect on your life? Then apply this knowledge! 

Here are some simple, scientifically proven, techniques you can use to enhance your feelings of gratitude:

• Journaling about things for which to be grateful

• Thinking about someone for whom you are grateful

• Writing/sending a letter to someone for whom you are grateful

• Meditating on gratitude (present moment awareness)

• Undertaking the “Count Your Blessings” exercise (at the end of the week, writing down three things for which you were grateful)

• Practicing saying “thank you” in a sincere and meaningful way

• Writing thank you notes

• If religious, praying about your gratitude

I would like to share a story with you about how gratitude became such a powerful part of my life.  

When I was nineteen I left the suburbs of Detroit to move to Hollywood.  This was the first time I had ever lived on my own and far away from where I grew up.  The town I had grow up in was very safe.  I could walk at night and never feel at risk.  It was very clean with no visible litter or garbage, there were no homeless people, and fast food restaurants were located only outside the city limits.  

When I started living in Hollywood, it was a severe culture shock for me because of all of the homeless people, gang members, prostitutes, ten-year-old drug dealers, not to mention all of the garbage.  When I walked outside of my apartment, I had my finger on my pepper spray can day or night! 

The biggest lesson this experience gave me was the sense of gratitude toward my parents, my neighborhood, toward the privilege I had grown up with.  I realized that not everyone had a loving and supportive family, safe streets to walk at night, and food consistently in the refrigerator. And this new found sense of gratitude helped to make me happier right where I was!

So go on, think about your life now, and identify some of the things that you can be grateful for in your life. How about the computer or other device that you're using right now to read this blog? It's helping you connect to resources that can contribute to your happiness -- that's something to be pretty grateful for! Or lets go even more basic and be grateful for being able to read at all! Imagine what your life may have been like if you had been illiterate. Or what if you had been blind?...

Once you start to really examine your life though this lens, you'll find so many things to be grateful for! And it will make you happier GUARANTEED!


Need more help or inspiration to make the practice of gratitude a part of your life?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help!

*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.