A wonderful woman, Sandy Weiner, who has a very decorated educational and professional resume in the area of leadership, sent the following visioning exercise to me that I adjusted for you. The first step in creating your vision for a happy life is to find a trusted companion and a quiet room where you can be relaxed. Have the person read to you the following visioning exercise.
To the reader: read the following passage closely and with positive intention, allowing the visualizer the time to relax and visualize.
Visioning Exercise
Speak slowly, in a warm voice….
(For about one minute)
Sit comfortably with your feet resting on the ground, your hands resting comfortably on your lap.
Take a deep breath and relax.
Now take another deep breath and relax even further.
You may notice that there are places in your body that are stressed or tight. Just notice them…. and then let them go.
Continue to breathe comfortably….
As thoughts occur,…. just notice them… and let them go
Say in a slowly paced, clear, and relaxed voice….
Imagine that you are walking along a seashore… The sun is shining and you can feel the sun’s warmth on your body. Continue to walk along the seashore. .. and relax….
Notice a door ahead of you. Open the door. There are stairs going down… Slowly descend the stairs …counting as you go…
1…. 2….…3…….4……5…….6……7……8………9……10
When you reach the landing notice that there is another door in front of you. On the door it says …. My Future Happy Life. It is a very beautiful door and you reach out with warmth and excitement to open the door and walk inside.
It is a movie theater and you notice that the movie playing is an exciting one -- 'My Happy Life looking back from the future to now'…. You take your seat in the theater and watch the movie. It is a very interesting movie, showing scenes of how you have progressed and grown happier and happier over the past years… You have taken a proactive stance in your happiness …. What institutions are you happily a part of? What type of people are around you? What types of conversations are they having?…. What does your home environment look like? Notice the people around you…. The types of things you are doing…. What gets you excited…… How you spend your day…..Note what role you play….. What types of sentences, phrases, and words come up in your speech? What are you proud of? What are your habits? What does being you feel like?… What else stands out for you? … What do others say about you? About your happiness?….How does it feel to hear these things? ....What are you doing for fun? ....What gives you flow in your life? …. What in your happy life stands out so much?
NOTE to the reader: leave time for each image to appear…. You may want to suggest that visualizers jot down what they are seeing on the paper in front of them and then go back to the movie until they are finished. Allow 5 - 10 minutes… repeating focal points as listed above or others every 15 - 20 seconds. When you feel ready to move on… say:
Now, it is time to end the movie and return to the present…. please close your eyes, notice your breathing again… and find yourself leaving the movie theater… exiting out the door and returning up the steps, counting 10…. 9….. 8…7…… 6…. Take a deep breath and begin to feel your body waken….. 5….4…..3…. notice the sounds in the room around you….. 2…. 1 ….
Open your eyes and slowly look around…. When you feel comfortable, please either write or draw as much of your vision of your future as you can. …. describing what your happy life will be like in the future. You may need to close your eyes briefly to remember parts….. Try to make your description as whole as possible.
Amazing! I hope what you saw in your visualization was amazing and eye opening to possibilities you never thought possible.
Someone once said that when we achieve our goals we will be happy. When we have met the perfect person we will be happy or when we do the right things or have the right material items in our life we will be happy.
This Is Wrong!
All of these come to us easier when we are happy. Please stop looking on the outside for other people, places and things to make you happy, just look inside of yourself. That is where true lasting happiness lays waiting for you to access it.
The vision that just appeared for you is available to you, you just have to decide to make it happen! If you write out your vision you'll find it that much easier to realize it. Start off with the questions below!
Who was with you?
What actions were you participating in?
What were your surroundings like?
What were the sentences coming from your mouth?
Describe how you were feeling.
Need more help with creating your happy life? Visit my self help store for some great tools!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Showing posts with label happiness is. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness is. Show all posts
Friday, May 11, 2012
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Live In the Moment To Live Happy!
All of our great teachers have told us to be present in our lives; all we have is what is offered to us in this moment. They tell us to live in the moment, emphasizing the power of now, over and over…. It is true that being present in our lives does contribute to our sustainable happiness!
Eckert Tolle, author of The Power of Now, connects living in the moment with sustainable happiness and explains how it helps us achieve our sustainable happiness. “For many of us there are new discoveries to be made along the way: we are not our mind; we can find our way out of psychological pain; authentic human power is found by surrendering to the Now. We also find out that the body is actually one of the keys to entry into a state of inner peace, as are the silence and space all around us. Indeed, access is everywhere available. These access points, or portals, can all be used to bring us into the Now, the present moment, where problems do not exist. It is here we find our joy and are able to embrace our true selves. It is here we discover that we are already complete and perfect.”
Having spent much of my life in academia, I had, until recently, found myself in the position of always thinking ahead. What paper is due? When? What do I have to read? By when? How long until this semester is over? When am I going to finish? When am I going to make money? Is all of this education going to be worth it after all? I was never in the moment because I was trained to always be somewhere else.
There came a time when I said to myself, “Is living in the moment really worth all of the hype it gets?” And I set out to train myself how to live in the moment. I invented a strategy for myself and found great results that have left me with living in the moment most of the time. The strategy I invented is outlined for you in the exercises section on the next page. It took me six months of constant practice, but eventually I was living in the moment. When I realized I was living in the moment 100% of the time, I felt an enormous stress lift from my shoulders. I have never gone back to living in anything but the moment! One of my former happiness coaching clients gave me this wonderful testimonial when I asked her if she was living in the moment after our coaching has ended:
“Whenever I feel worry or fear (which used to be an almost constant state), and notice it, I catch myself breathing in the blue of the ocean and out the white of the waves, and focusing on the core of my body as an open channel. I feel my consciousness more present deep within. Most of the time, now, since working with Aymee, it seems the worry and fears are a distant memory. I really noticed it recently when I flew without the slightest fear. That's a true test for me, because I used to always experience some anxiety with flying. It's more of a challenge to describe being present in the moment than it is to just "be" it. When I focus on the scripture, "Peace, be still," it really seems to help too! I find that now I feel lighter, more grateful and peaceful. Everything seems more profound. I'm WAY less stressed, and well-being is an almost constant state now, even when I know my body is tired and I have a lot to do.”
I really want to communicate to you that living in the moment is possible for you and everyone. It is not just for spiritual gurus who write books about it!
Here are some exercises you can do over time to learn living in the moment. Please do them, start living in the moment and watch out! Your happiness will sky rocket and your stress will decrease beyond your imagination!
1) If you notice yourself thinking about something in the future, such as a decision you have to make, directions you have find, a phone call you have to make, etc. then schedule a time 10 minutes before you absolutely must make that decision. This way, you know you will address the issue and you know when you will address the issue and it does not permeate every moment of your life.
2) If you notice yourself preoccupied with something in the past or future that is not an ‘action item’ like #1, then reel back your thinking like a fishing rod so you can be back in the moment. It helps to visualize the fishing rod being reeled in. When you see the fishing rod come back to you, use your senses to get that precious gift that is offered to us in each moment.
3) If you are bored in the moment or don’t like being in that moment for whatever reason, use all of your senses to get every possible morsel out of the experience – thinking, learning, appreciating, whatever that moment has to offer. Then express gratitude for what is being offered to you in the moment.
4) Realize that all of your appointments are tentative and you can reschedule them any time. People generally understand if the timing just is not right and you have to reschedule.
Remember it takes time, persistence, and patience to actually achieve living in the moment. When it happens, it is worth it and you will never go back to not living in the moment!
If you need more help learning to live in the moment, Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Eckert Tolle, author of The Power of Now, connects living in the moment with sustainable happiness and explains how it helps us achieve our sustainable happiness. “For many of us there are new discoveries to be made along the way: we are not our mind; we can find our way out of psychological pain; authentic human power is found by surrendering to the Now. We also find out that the body is actually one of the keys to entry into a state of inner peace, as are the silence and space all around us. Indeed, access is everywhere available. These access points, or portals, can all be used to bring us into the Now, the present moment, where problems do not exist. It is here we find our joy and are able to embrace our true selves. It is here we discover that we are already complete and perfect.”
Having spent much of my life in academia, I had, until recently, found myself in the position of always thinking ahead. What paper is due? When? What do I have to read? By when? How long until this semester is over? When am I going to finish? When am I going to make money? Is all of this education going to be worth it after all? I was never in the moment because I was trained to always be somewhere else.
There came a time when I said to myself, “Is living in the moment really worth all of the hype it gets?” And I set out to train myself how to live in the moment. I invented a strategy for myself and found great results that have left me with living in the moment most of the time. The strategy I invented is outlined for you in the exercises section on the next page. It took me six months of constant practice, but eventually I was living in the moment. When I realized I was living in the moment 100% of the time, I felt an enormous stress lift from my shoulders. I have never gone back to living in anything but the moment! One of my former happiness coaching clients gave me this wonderful testimonial when I asked her if she was living in the moment after our coaching has ended:
“Whenever I feel worry or fear (which used to be an almost constant state), and notice it, I catch myself breathing in the blue of the ocean and out the white of the waves, and focusing on the core of my body as an open channel. I feel my consciousness more present deep within. Most of the time, now, since working with Aymee, it seems the worry and fears are a distant memory. I really noticed it recently when I flew without the slightest fear. That's a true test for me, because I used to always experience some anxiety with flying. It's more of a challenge to describe being present in the moment than it is to just "be" it. When I focus on the scripture, "Peace, be still," it really seems to help too! I find that now I feel lighter, more grateful and peaceful. Everything seems more profound. I'm WAY less stressed, and well-being is an almost constant state now, even when I know my body is tired and I have a lot to do.”
I really want to communicate to you that living in the moment is possible for you and everyone. It is not just for spiritual gurus who write books about it!
Here are some exercises you can do over time to learn living in the moment. Please do them, start living in the moment and watch out! Your happiness will sky rocket and your stress will decrease beyond your imagination!
1) If you notice yourself thinking about something in the future, such as a decision you have to make, directions you have find, a phone call you have to make, etc. then schedule a time 10 minutes before you absolutely must make that decision. This way, you know you will address the issue and you know when you will address the issue and it does not permeate every moment of your life.
2) If you notice yourself preoccupied with something in the past or future that is not an ‘action item’ like #1, then reel back your thinking like a fishing rod so you can be back in the moment. It helps to visualize the fishing rod being reeled in. When you see the fishing rod come back to you, use your senses to get that precious gift that is offered to us in each moment.
3) If you are bored in the moment or don’t like being in that moment for whatever reason, use all of your senses to get every possible morsel out of the experience – thinking, learning, appreciating, whatever that moment has to offer. Then express gratitude for what is being offered to you in the moment.
4) Realize that all of your appointments are tentative and you can reschedule them any time. People generally understand if the timing just is not right and you have to reschedule.
Remember it takes time, persistence, and patience to actually achieve living in the moment. When it happens, it is worth it and you will never go back to not living in the moment!
If you need more help learning to live in the moment, Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Do You Know What Happiness Is?
Aahh, the definition of happiness.
I always get a smirk on my face when I think about this because the funny thing is that no one knows how to define happiness!
No one person can say, “I know the definition of happiness” and get everyone else’s agreement. Happiness means different things to different people! At one level you know as much as I do -- you either are happy or you are not! Maybe you are more nonchalant in your moods, and even you know you are leaning one way or another.
The truth is since our society has been so focused on deriving happiness from external sources, it lost touch with the real true meaning of the emotion and way of being. This is unfortunate because if you don't understand what happiness is, how are you going to move forward to achieve it?
So to help you gain an understanding of what happiness is, I am going to share with you Dr. Bob Nozik’s (Nozik, 2004) definitions of happiness. I have found these definitions in alignment with the type of happiness I teach. Dr. Bob was not happy when he studied happiness for twenty years. Now he is happy all the time, every day, no matter what! As of this year he has been happy every day for twenty years straight! That means that I am bringing you definitions of happiness from a medical doctor who has experienced being unhappy and has discovered how to be happy every day!
Three Types of Happiness:
So there are three forms of happiness I will explain for you. There is ordinary happiness, lasting happiness, and spiritual happiness.
1. Ordinary happiness is the type of happiness we all experience at some point in our lives. It is given to us from external stimulus. I love the example of the secret admirer who sends you flowers. It makes you happy, right?! But think about how long that happiness lasts. Not very long, right? After receiving your flowers you could potentially get stuck in traffic, get hungry, and fight with your significant other and be in a bad mood, all within an hour. My point: Ordinary happiness is stimulated by external sources, it is fleeting, and it is not sustainable. Even if you buy a new car, new car happiness only lasts for about a month, according to research. According to science, this sort of happiness is achieved by finding out what circumstances make you happy and participating in those circumstances as often as possible. Science calls this type of happiness hedonic happiness. You may know it as hedonism. It is defined as good feelings resulting from pleasant sensations and material possessions. It is all about the self and self-interest. That is the meat of it. This type of happiness is great, and I have nothing against it at all. I want you to be really clear on the idea that hedonic happiness is not sustainable beyond three months maximum. (Lyubomirsky, Kasri, Chang, & Chung, 2006) I understand that all of my circumstances are not always in my control and even if for some reason I have the illusion that I have all of my circumstances under control this study in 2006 (Lyubomirsky et al.) proved that even if we have all of the circumstances we want in our life, we will need change by that three month deadline. Therefore, we will be unhappy again due to our circumstances. The only thing that Lyubomirsky et al. points out that will lead us to sustainable happiness is a specific mindset (that I teach!).
2. Eudaimonic happiness was introduced in the psychology research in 2001. Science says that eudaimonic happiness is about doing good -- doing what we are best at in serving society. It is about self and others. This is what Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, calls authentic happiness. Eu-daim-onic breaks down into “nature of a good spirit” in Latin and Greek origin. This type of happiness dates back to the days of Aristotle; where positive psychology is rooted. The basic tenants upholding this type of happiness are your authenticity, your strengths, and having meaning and purpose in life. (Deci & Ryan, 2001) Through my learning from many sustainable happiness experts and through my own experience, I have come to understand eudaimonic happiness to be sustainable. Only you know if you are using your strengths, being authentic and having meaning and purpose in life.
3. Chaironic happiness is about being good -- being at peace with the self, with others, and with God or the cosmos. It is based on developing our innermost being and core values. It can be called spiritual or transcendental happiness, because we can experience it even when we are on our death bed or suffering from terminal cancer or in the midst of adversity. It is the kind of happiness experienced by Zen masters and individuals during peak experiences. The 14th Dalai Lama tried to teach us this in the course the Art of Happiness.
To make things simple for yourself you can think of
Eudaimonic happiness = Sustainable (lasting) happiness
&
Chaironic happiness = Spiritual happiness
When you are experiencing sustainable and spiritual happiness, you have a warm and fuzzy feeling inside you that is a combination of joy and contentment. It is something you experience, for example, when you are “happy” to see a friend or loved one that you have not seen in a while. This happiness is inside of you, deep inside of you, and it is located in your heart center. Sustainable happiness is with all of us all of the time. We have access to it at any moment. We don’t have to wait for that special person, that special place, or that special thing to give us the happiness we are dying for!
If you need help accessing this happiness deep inside of you, Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
I always get a smirk on my face when I think about this because the funny thing is that no one knows how to define happiness!
No one person can say, “I know the definition of happiness” and get everyone else’s agreement. Happiness means different things to different people! At one level you know as much as I do -- you either are happy or you are not! Maybe you are more nonchalant in your moods, and even you know you are leaning one way or another.
The truth is since our society has been so focused on deriving happiness from external sources, it lost touch with the real true meaning of the emotion and way of being. This is unfortunate because if you don't understand what happiness is, how are you going to move forward to achieve it?
So to help you gain an understanding of what happiness is, I am going to share with you Dr. Bob Nozik’s (Nozik, 2004) definitions of happiness. I have found these definitions in alignment with the type of happiness I teach. Dr. Bob was not happy when he studied happiness for twenty years. Now he is happy all the time, every day, no matter what! As of this year he has been happy every day for twenty years straight! That means that I am bringing you definitions of happiness from a medical doctor who has experienced being unhappy and has discovered how to be happy every day!
Three Types of Happiness:
So there are three forms of happiness I will explain for you. There is ordinary happiness, lasting happiness, and spiritual happiness.
1. Ordinary happiness is the type of happiness we all experience at some point in our lives. It is given to us from external stimulus. I love the example of the secret admirer who sends you flowers. It makes you happy, right?! But think about how long that happiness lasts. Not very long, right? After receiving your flowers you could potentially get stuck in traffic, get hungry, and fight with your significant other and be in a bad mood, all within an hour. My point: Ordinary happiness is stimulated by external sources, it is fleeting, and it is not sustainable. Even if you buy a new car, new car happiness only lasts for about a month, according to research. According to science, this sort of happiness is achieved by finding out what circumstances make you happy and participating in those circumstances as often as possible. Science calls this type of happiness hedonic happiness. You may know it as hedonism. It is defined as good feelings resulting from pleasant sensations and material possessions. It is all about the self and self-interest. That is the meat of it. This type of happiness is great, and I have nothing against it at all. I want you to be really clear on the idea that hedonic happiness is not sustainable beyond three months maximum. (Lyubomirsky, Kasri, Chang, & Chung, 2006) I understand that all of my circumstances are not always in my control and even if for some reason I have the illusion that I have all of my circumstances under control this study in 2006 (Lyubomirsky et al.) proved that even if we have all of the circumstances we want in our life, we will need change by that three month deadline. Therefore, we will be unhappy again due to our circumstances. The only thing that Lyubomirsky et al. points out that will lead us to sustainable happiness is a specific mindset (that I teach!).
2. Eudaimonic happiness was introduced in the psychology research in 2001. Science says that eudaimonic happiness is about doing good -- doing what we are best at in serving society. It is about self and others. This is what Martin Seligman, founder of positive psychology, calls authentic happiness. Eu-daim-onic breaks down into “nature of a good spirit” in Latin and Greek origin. This type of happiness dates back to the days of Aristotle; where positive psychology is rooted. The basic tenants upholding this type of happiness are your authenticity, your strengths, and having meaning and purpose in life. (Deci & Ryan, 2001) Through my learning from many sustainable happiness experts and through my own experience, I have come to understand eudaimonic happiness to be sustainable. Only you know if you are using your strengths, being authentic and having meaning and purpose in life.
3. Chaironic happiness is about being good -- being at peace with the self, with others, and with God or the cosmos. It is based on developing our innermost being and core values. It can be called spiritual or transcendental happiness, because we can experience it even when we are on our death bed or suffering from terminal cancer or in the midst of adversity. It is the kind of happiness experienced by Zen masters and individuals during peak experiences. The 14th Dalai Lama tried to teach us this in the course the Art of Happiness.
To make things simple for yourself you can think of
Eudaimonic happiness = Sustainable (lasting) happiness
&
Chaironic happiness = Spiritual happiness
When you are experiencing sustainable and spiritual happiness, you have a warm and fuzzy feeling inside you that is a combination of joy and contentment. It is something you experience, for example, when you are “happy” to see a friend or loved one that you have not seen in a while. This happiness is inside of you, deep inside of you, and it is located in your heart center. Sustainable happiness is with all of us all of the time. We have access to it at any moment. We don’t have to wait for that special person, that special place, or that special thing to give us the happiness we are dying for!
If you need help accessing this happiness deep inside of you, Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Want to know the fastest way to Happiness?
Quick, right now, think of five things you are grateful for and list them off the top of your head. Did you feel happier? Probably!
Being grateful is the number one, hands down, fastest way to happiness!
You may be wondering, what does the word gratitude mean anyway?
Gratitude is derived from the Latin root gratia meaning grace, graciousness, or gratefulness. According to Pruyser (1976) all derivatives from the Latin root “have to do with kindness, generousness, gifts, the beauty of giving and receiving, or getting something for nothing.” Emmons and Shelton (2002) define gratitude as a psychological state that offers a “. . . felt sense of wonder, thankfulness, and appreciation for life.”
The roots of gratitude lie in mostly religious traditions, including Christianity, Judaism, Islam and yet continue to be an elusive topic within the positive psychological literature. (Lazarus & Lazarus, 1994) Very little empirical research has been done on gratitude. (Emmons & Shelton, 2002)
The benefits of gratitude move beyond just experiencing a satisfying intrinsic feeling and into other subjective states. Chesterton (1924) asserted that “gratitude produced the most purely joyful moments that have been known to man.” According to the few empirical papers on gratitude, it is a pleasant condition and is linked with positive emotions, including contentment (Walker & Pitts, 1998), happiness, pride, and hope. Dr. Emmons and Dr. Shelton reference a survey conducted by Gallup in 1998 in which over 90% of American teens and adults said that gratitude helped them to feel extremely happy or somewhat happy. Dr. Emmons and Dr. Crumpler (2000) have reported that a conscious focus on gratitude makes life more fulfilling, meaningful, and productive.
I trust you are convinced after reading all of the scientific studies. Now do you understand how gratitude has an extremely positive effect on your life? Then apply this knowledge!
Here are some simple, scientifically proven, techniques you can use to enhance your feelings of gratitude:
| • Journaling about things for which to be grateful |
| • Thinking about someone for whom you are grateful |
| • Writing/sending a letter to someone for whom you are grateful |
| • Meditating on gratitude (present moment awareness) |
| • Undertaking the “Count Your Blessings” exercise (at the end of the week, writing down three things for which you were grateful) |
| • Practicing saying “thank you” in a sincere and meaningful way |
| • Writing thank you notes |
| • If religious, praying about your gratitude |
I would like to share a story with you about how gratitude became such a powerful part of my life.
When I was nineteen I left the suburbs of Detroit to move to Hollywood. This was the first time I had ever lived on my own and far away from where I grew up. The town I had grow up in was very safe. I could walk at night and never feel at risk. It was very clean with no visible litter or garbage, there were no homeless people, and fast food restaurants were located only outside the city limits.
When I started living in Hollywood, it was a severe culture shock for me because of all of the homeless people, gang members, prostitutes, ten-year-old drug dealers, not to mention all of the garbage. When I walked outside of my apartment, I had my finger on my pepper spray can day or night!
The biggest lesson this experience gave me was the sense of gratitude toward my parents, my neighborhood, toward the privilege I had grown up with. I realized that not everyone had a loving and supportive family, safe streets to walk at night, and food consistently in the refrigerator. And this new found sense of gratitude helped to make me happier right where I was!
So go on, think about your life now, and identify some of the things that you can be grateful for in your life. How about the computer or other device that you're using right now to read this blog? It's helping you connect to resources that can contribute to your happiness -- that's something to be pretty grateful for! Or lets go even more basic and be grateful for being able to read at all! Imagine what your life may have been like if you had been illiterate. Or what if you had been blind?...
Once you start to really examine your life though this lens, you'll find so many things to be grateful for! And it will make you happier GUARANTEED!
Need more help or inspiration to make the practice of gratitude a part of your life?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Need more help or inspiration to make the practice of gratitude a part of your life?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Struggling with Life Choices? 'Flow' Your Way to Happy Choices!
When Michael Jordan played basketball, do you think he was distracted? No! He was entirely consumed and energized by what he was doing. He was in flow.
If you think of any great artist who is in the middle of producing a masterpiece and cannot bear to be disturbed, that person is in flow.
We all have that special activity that consumes us and we really enjoy it! In those moments we are in our own flow.
This is so important! The activities we undertake in which we experience flow, and the general flow of life contribute to our sustainable happiness.
The psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced chick-SENT-me-high), one of positive psychology’s founding fathers, calls the feeling of flow a complete and energized focus on an activity, accompanied by a high level of enjoyment and fulfillment (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990). It involves being “optimally challenged by experience.”
Now I know that may not seem fun to some of you, but put yourself back in a time where you felt like you were totally engaged on a mental and physical level… that is what Csikszentmialyi means by optimally challenged by experience. When one is in flow, “… the demands of a situation match the individual’s abilities, and the individual is engaged fully in the act of doing. In flow, the person loses self-consciousness and a sense of the passing time and enters a different level of experience. Flow is enjoyable…”
Utilizing flow in our daily activities is beneficial for our sustainable happiness for sure. Now let us broaden our perspective a bit more to take a look at our life as a whole. Imagine being in flow all of time!
Barbara Gaughen-Muller taught me the greatest lesson when it comes to flow. Barbara is the host of a radio show called Inspiring Conversation that is broadcast worldwide. This woman is so wonderful that she won a “Glorious Being” award! She and her husband, former United Nations Assistant Secretary-General Dr. Robert Muller, operate the website Good Morning World which focuses on the positive news in the world rather than the negative and violent news that is typically featured in the media. Together the Mullers believe that no dream is too big, and they dedicate their lives to making a better, peaceful world.
During my Doctoral studies, I had the good fortune of working with Barbara and Robert Muller. One of the greatest lessons, Barbara taught me was when she said, “Aymee, you know where to go when there is flow!” I never have forgotten this teaching and have used it quite frequently to guide me in my life decisions. If I find myself banging my head against the wall, so to speak, I can recognize there is no flow. On the other hand, if doors are opening, I am meeting wonderful people, I am helping others, and I am feeling good, I can recognize that there is flow!
So remember, your sustainable happiness not only depends on the activities in which you feel flow, but also the flow you feel in your general life. Get your life into the flow of happiness!
Put the concept of flow in the back of your mind to later bring out whenever you are at a decision-making point in your life. Ask yourself, “Is there flow here?” If the answer is yes, you know where to go! Trust me, it works!
Need more help or inspiration get your life into the flow of happiness?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help you flow your way to happy choices!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help you flow your way to happy choices!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Friday, March 16, 2012
4 Steps to Creating Sustainable Happiness in Your Family Relationships!
Have you ever had a fight with a family member? Were you happy when that fight occurred? Probably not. I mentioned briefly that I grew up in a loving supportive family environment. However, you know as well as I do that we all have our tiffs! So what can you do to ensure that these tiffs remain tiffs and do not escalate to become explosions?
What are the happiness tools we can apply in these situations?
• Forgiveness
• Letting Go
• Accepting Imperfection as Perfection
• Conscious Positivity
Forgiveness is a HUGE aspect of sustainable happiness. Imagine living your life full of resentments and grudges. Can you possibly be happy all of the time? No way! So we have to learn how to forgive others who have “wronged” us in one way or another.
In 2001, research by Dr. LorenToussaint and her colleagues showed that self-forgiveness and other forms of forgiveness are inversely related to psychological distress and that forgiveness of others was related to higher overall life satisfaction. Even earlier, though, in 1992, a research team including Dr. Paul Mauger, had found that forgiveness of self and others was inversely related to psychopathology. This means that if you can forgive yourself and others, you are less likely to experience a psychological disorder and consequently will be happier! Another study by, done by Tangney, Fee, & Lee in 1999, showed that when we tend to forgive others, we are less likely to experience depressive symptoms and hostility. A study by Dr. Freedman and Dr. Enright, in 1996, proved that symptoms of anxiety, depression, and anger have also been shown to decline for an individual after that individual forgives another. And yet another study, this one done by Dr. Fincham in 2000, shows a positive relationship between forgiveness and overall relationship satisfaction. So more and more we are seeing studies proving how forgiveness can enhance the quality of our relationships, not to mention our lives as a whole.
Now that you understand that forgiveness is vital to your sustainable happiness, what is forgiveness anyway? Forgiveness is the freely chosen motivational transformation in which a desire to see revenge and to avoid contact with a transgressor is lessened, a process sometimes described as an altruistic gift. (Enright, Freedman, & Rique, 1998; Worthington, 2001) Researchers have not been able to find agreement when it comes to determining whether forgiveness requires a positive action or a benevolent response (such as compassion, empathy, affection, approach behavior) in relation to the offender, or if the absence of a negative response (hostility, anger, avoidance) is sufficient. (Exline, Worthington, Hill, & McCullough, 2003; Fincham, 2000; Linley & Joseph, 2004)
The funny thing is that there actually is a scientifically proven disconnect between researchers and the rest of us in terms of how forgiveness is perceived. This was found in research done by Dr. Kantz in 2000, which showed that lay people believe reconciliation to be a necessary part of forgiveness — an element that is explicitly rejected by many definitions of forgiveness used for research purposes.
It is here that I ask you to choose the definition of forgiveness that is right for, and feels good to, you. We can only look to our heart for our personal guidance on this one.
I learned the power of forgiveness on a family vacation. This was my first family vacation as an adult for many years. During the time that I was with my family many happiness challenges arose for me. After the family vacation, I was reflecting on how I can make the most of my family relationships and the major lessons I gleaned was the value of forgiveness, letting go and conscious positivity.
Your family will be in your life forever, if you let them. Flesh and blood counts for something, and these relationships are built on a foundation of unconditional love. Given the main premise of your family relationship is unconditional love, understanding how you can manage your family in a positive way is very helpful in creating your sustainable happiness.
Letting go has only recently become a topic of research in psychology. According to Dr. Ainsworth-Smith & Dr. Speck (1982), “Letting go can imply being gently drawn into a new sort of existence; or being released or dragged into a void where nothing is safe or nothing consistent.” (p. 35) The Oxford Dictionary says that letting go is to “release, set at liberty, lose hold of, relinquish hold of, dismiss from thought, or cease to restrain.” The two main themes are a sense of liberation and a sense of loss. It appears to imply that letting go is to change something by moving it from one position to another. For the purpose of your sustainable happiness, think about letting go as liberation.
Also, the more positive actions, behaviors, and language are incorporated into the family dynamic, the more positive that dynamic will be. Imagine if everyone in your family were to consistently give you compliments and encouragement, or simply tell you “Hey, you were right”? How good would that feel? Or if you were to consistently give compliments and encouragement to them? It would feel good, right? You do not have to wait for your family to come around and employ the principles of forgiveness, letting go, and being positive. You can take action yourself, right now!
Here is an inspirational story from one of my friends about her experience of letting go with her mother.
Something must be in the air, because I had the most incredible visit with my mom last week!
It was the best time we've ever had together. The week before she arrived, I made a conscious choice to lay down my role that I've played so often with her, that of teacher/parent/coach (what is it with us gals???). What a relief...for both of us!!! Whenever I noticed the inclination to take on that role, I simply contained myself and it passed. Without that dynamic, I was so much more available to love my mom as she is. The last morning of her visit, I gave her the most extraordinary foot bath with rose scented, flower petaled water, massage, a foot mask and lots of kissing. At one point she said to me that she doesn't know if she could've done this for her mother (who died last August). I responded by saying how happy I am to be able to do this for her.
It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO AMAZING! We've shattered the pattern that's been passed on for who knows how many generations of withholding love between mother & daughter. I am SOOOOO grateful to be able to share my love with my mom and to really feel her receiving it. That's all I really wanted to do when I took on the role of teacher/parent/coach, but didn't know how to just love her. I'm so grateful for her willingness to receive my love and to feel her love for me. It was such a precious time we spent together.
Such a burden has been lifted from my heart and now I just feel love for her. It's like we get to be little girls together in a strange sort of way...just playing & loving...wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!.
Love to each one of you & to your mamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Family plays such a huge part in our sustainable happiness. We have to acknowledge and accept that everyone has their flaws and it is the beauty of our human experience. To accept the ‘im’perfection in ourselves, our parents and siblings is one of our lessons in life. We achieve this when we can fully give and receive unconditional love. And unconditional love is achieved through forgiveness and letting go; all of which are huge players in our sustainable happiness.
Need more help or inspiration to bring happiness into your relationships?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help you on your way to health and happy relationships!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
What are the happiness tools we can apply in these situations?
• Forgiveness
• Letting Go
• Accepting Imperfection as Perfection
• Conscious Positivity
Forgiveness is a HUGE aspect of sustainable happiness. Imagine living your life full of resentments and grudges. Can you possibly be happy all of the time? No way! So we have to learn how to forgive others who have “wronged” us in one way or another.
In 2001, research by Dr. LorenToussaint and her colleagues showed that self-forgiveness and other forms of forgiveness are inversely related to psychological distress and that forgiveness of others was related to higher overall life satisfaction. Even earlier, though, in 1992, a research team including Dr. Paul Mauger, had found that forgiveness of self and others was inversely related to psychopathology. This means that if you can forgive yourself and others, you are less likely to experience a psychological disorder and consequently will be happier! Another study by, done by Tangney, Fee, & Lee in 1999, showed that when we tend to forgive others, we are less likely to experience depressive symptoms and hostility. A study by Dr. Freedman and Dr. Enright, in 1996, proved that symptoms of anxiety, depression, and anger have also been shown to decline for an individual after that individual forgives another. And yet another study, this one done by Dr. Fincham in 2000, shows a positive relationship between forgiveness and overall relationship satisfaction. So more and more we are seeing studies proving how forgiveness can enhance the quality of our relationships, not to mention our lives as a whole.
Now that you understand that forgiveness is vital to your sustainable happiness, what is forgiveness anyway? Forgiveness is the freely chosen motivational transformation in which a desire to see revenge and to avoid contact with a transgressor is lessened, a process sometimes described as an altruistic gift. (Enright, Freedman, & Rique, 1998; Worthington, 2001) Researchers have not been able to find agreement when it comes to determining whether forgiveness requires a positive action or a benevolent response (such as compassion, empathy, affection, approach behavior) in relation to the offender, or if the absence of a negative response (hostility, anger, avoidance) is sufficient. (Exline, Worthington, Hill, & McCullough, 2003; Fincham, 2000; Linley & Joseph, 2004)
The funny thing is that there actually is a scientifically proven disconnect between researchers and the rest of us in terms of how forgiveness is perceived. This was found in research done by Dr. Kantz in 2000, which showed that lay people believe reconciliation to be a necessary part of forgiveness — an element that is explicitly rejected by many definitions of forgiveness used for research purposes.
It is here that I ask you to choose the definition of forgiveness that is right for, and feels good to, you. We can only look to our heart for our personal guidance on this one.
I learned the power of forgiveness on a family vacation. This was my first family vacation as an adult for many years. During the time that I was with my family many happiness challenges arose for me. After the family vacation, I was reflecting on how I can make the most of my family relationships and the major lessons I gleaned was the value of forgiveness, letting go and conscious positivity.
Your family will be in your life forever, if you let them. Flesh and blood counts for something, and these relationships are built on a foundation of unconditional love. Given the main premise of your family relationship is unconditional love, understanding how you can manage your family in a positive way is very helpful in creating your sustainable happiness.
Letting go has only recently become a topic of research in psychology. According to Dr. Ainsworth-Smith & Dr. Speck (1982), “Letting go can imply being gently drawn into a new sort of existence; or being released or dragged into a void where nothing is safe or nothing consistent.” (p. 35) The Oxford Dictionary says that letting go is to “release, set at liberty, lose hold of, relinquish hold of, dismiss from thought, or cease to restrain.” The two main themes are a sense of liberation and a sense of loss. It appears to imply that letting go is to change something by moving it from one position to another. For the purpose of your sustainable happiness, think about letting go as liberation.
Also, the more positive actions, behaviors, and language are incorporated into the family dynamic, the more positive that dynamic will be. Imagine if everyone in your family were to consistently give you compliments and encouragement, or simply tell you “Hey, you were right”? How good would that feel? Or if you were to consistently give compliments and encouragement to them? It would feel good, right? You do not have to wait for your family to come around and employ the principles of forgiveness, letting go, and being positive. You can take action yourself, right now!
Here is an inspirational story from one of my friends about her experience of letting go with her mother.
Something must be in the air, because I had the most incredible visit with my mom last week!
It was the best time we've ever had together. The week before she arrived, I made a conscious choice to lay down my role that I've played so often with her, that of teacher/parent/coach (what is it with us gals???). What a relief...for both of us!!! Whenever I noticed the inclination to take on that role, I simply contained myself and it passed. Without that dynamic, I was so much more available to love my mom as she is. The last morning of her visit, I gave her the most extraordinary foot bath with rose scented, flower petaled water, massage, a foot mask and lots of kissing. At one point she said to me that she doesn't know if she could've done this for her mother (who died last August). I responded by saying how happy I am to be able to do this for her.
It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO AMAZING! We've shattered the pattern that's been passed on for who knows how many generations of withholding love between mother & daughter. I am SOOOOO grateful to be able to share my love with my mom and to really feel her receiving it. That's all I really wanted to do when I took on the role of teacher/parent/coach, but didn't know how to just love her. I'm so grateful for her willingness to receive my love and to feel her love for me. It was such a precious time we spent together.
Such a burden has been lifted from my heart and now I just feel love for her. It's like we get to be little girls together in a strange sort of way...just playing & loving...wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!.
Love to each one of you & to your mamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Family plays such a huge part in our sustainable happiness. We have to acknowledge and accept that everyone has their flaws and it is the beauty of our human experience. To accept the ‘im’perfection in ourselves, our parents and siblings is one of our lessons in life. We achieve this when we can fully give and receive unconditional love. And unconditional love is achieved through forgiveness and letting go; all of which are huge players in our sustainable happiness.
Need more help or inspiration to bring happiness into your relationships?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help you on your way to health and happy relationships!
*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com
Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Q: How can I be happy when I feel constant time pressure?
A: Imagine two birds in a tree.
One bird says to the other, “I have to go now, I am meeting my other bird friend at 3 00pm.”
Of course we have to acknowledge time is a man made phenomenon. It provides structure to our days so we remain in the ‘productivity’ role of our mind. However, this notion of time, causes great suffering for those who are dead line driven or constantly needing to check off the never ending to do list.
Stress, Anxiety, Compulsion, Distraction, Confusion, Overwhelm, Desperation, Anger
These are all negative experiences time constraints can provide for us.
I invite you to look above time for now....
Take a deep breath, rise above your relationship to time…and take a good hard look at it.
What is your experience with time? What does it mean to you? Is it stressing you out?
Well... Now, go ahead and imagine your upward spiral of life.
Do you see freedom from time? Enjoying your time? Accomplishing your goals with flow and ease?
What is the trick to turn the downward stressed based experience of time into the magic and rainbows of life?
LIVE IN THE MOMENT!
For a lesson on living in the moment you can purchase this audio for $11.99
Watch this free video!
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to be happy. More goodies on www.howtobehappystore.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
Monday, August 15, 2011
Q: How can I be happy when I am unlovable and unworthy of happiness?
A: Awww....
This is a great question! You know how many people are in your shoes? Probably all of my clients over the years have felt this at some point.
I am about to demystify this for you.
First of all, YOU ARE LOVABLE and you ARE WORTHY of happiness!
Something probably happened to you between the ages of 0-6 where you thought maybe this was true.
Perhaps, your parents left you with a baby sitter, perhaps you had a younger sibling born, perhaps you were not chosen for the neighborhood kickball team?
Who knows?
So this incident has scarred your subconscious and you have been telling yourself this your whole life!
See, if you take a deeper look at this, is it really true that you are not lovable or don’t deserve to be happy?
Come on! Of course you are!!!
Simply by being born and breathing you are lovable and worthy of happiness.
I call this the rider and elephant phenomenon.
Your elephant is what is developed as your subconscious from ages 0-6.
Your rider is you conscious who is reading this blog post right now, however your elephant is in the room.
You rider has to steer your elephant toward the thought direction that will lead you into your upward spiral.
You are old enough to choose your beliefs right?
So in psychology we operate with a belief-thought-emotion- behavior model.
If your thought is I am unlovable, go ahead and ask your heart, what is the root belief behind this thought and wait for a response.
When your heart reveals your core root belief under this thought, challenge it!
Ask, “Is this really true?”
I am willing to bet anything that the belief that surfaces is a flat out lie!
So your elephant has been operating on false beliefs for how long?
Times need to change, you need to consciously choose a belief that kickstarts your upward spiral, leads to a thought that is supportive of your happiness, which therefore is going to make you feel happy and consequently you may be smiling.
We have totally changed your psychological understanding of the idea that you are not lovable and don’t deserve happiness.
You can consciously choose your beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors so they lead to you feeling good in your life.
I call this exercise, weeding out your garden of happiness of negative beliefs.
Happiness is work, just like everything, so you may as well start by weeding out your garden of happiness of negative beliefs right now!
Dr. Aymee
This is a great question! You know how many people are in your shoes? Probably all of my clients over the years have felt this at some point.
I am about to demystify this for you.
First of all, YOU ARE LOVABLE and you ARE WORTHY of happiness!
Something probably happened to you between the ages of 0-6 where you thought maybe this was true.
Perhaps, your parents left you with a baby sitter, perhaps you had a younger sibling born, perhaps you were not chosen for the neighborhood kickball team?
Who knows?
So this incident has scarred your subconscious and you have been telling yourself this your whole life!
See, if you take a deeper look at this, is it really true that you are not lovable or don’t deserve to be happy?
Come on! Of course you are!!!
Simply by being born and breathing you are lovable and worthy of happiness.
I call this the rider and elephant phenomenon.
Your elephant is what is developed as your subconscious from ages 0-6.
Your rider is you conscious who is reading this blog post right now, however your elephant is in the room.
You rider has to steer your elephant toward the thought direction that will lead you into your upward spiral.
You are old enough to choose your beliefs right?
So in psychology we operate with a belief-thought-emotion- behavior model.
If your thought is I am unlovable, go ahead and ask your heart, what is the root belief behind this thought and wait for a response.
When your heart reveals your core root belief under this thought, challenge it!
Ask, “Is this really true?”
I am willing to bet anything that the belief that surfaces is a flat out lie!
So your elephant has been operating on false beliefs for how long?
Times need to change, you need to consciously choose a belief that kickstarts your upward spiral, leads to a thought that is supportive of your happiness, which therefore is going to make you feel happy and consequently you may be smiling.
We have totally changed your psychological understanding of the idea that you are not lovable and don’t deserve happiness.
You can consciously choose your beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors so they lead to you feeling good in your life.
I call this exercise, weeding out your garden of happiness of negative beliefs.
Happiness is work, just like everything, so you may as well start by weeding out your garden of happiness of negative beliefs right now!
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at www.howtobehappystore.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
Q: How can I be happy if my to do list haunts me?
A: Well.... you are not alone!
Do you know how many people tie their happiness to their to do list?
I would even venture to say most Americans suffer from the to do list syndrome... moping around... because they never crossed off enough things from their list on any given day....
We for some reason, feel happier when we are more productive, yet we are also more stressed out, discontent and unfulfilled by the same concept of the to do list.
If I were to ask your to do list, “Are you responsible for <fill in your name>’s happiness?”
What do you think the to do list would say?
Actually, your to do list is an inanimate object and would not know what the heck I was talking about!
So next time when you are fretting over the lack of ‘significant’ accomplishment on your to do list, think about who is really responsible for your happiness.
YOU!
and this starts with you choosing happiness right now!
This means you can no longer blame your to do list for your unhappiness.
You have only one choice and that is to choose to take responsibility for your happiness and that starts with making the happiness decision.
Go ahead, walk over to a mirror, put your hand on your heart and look at yourself deep in the eyes!
Recite,
I <fill in your name>,
Do solemnly decide
to adopt the happiness decision
by being happy now!
Rather than react to my problems
I will use happiness to respond to them
forsaking all negative thoughts.
Regardless of circumstances,
in all ways, I will
choose happiness
for the rest of my sweet life!
*note, thanks to Lionel Ketchian et al of The Happiness Club for the happiness decision declaration.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Now that you have made the happiness decision, you can choose happiness no matter how many items are on your to do list.
and, research shows that happy people are more productive so you will probably even get more things done than the other way of looking at your to do list...
So, instead of your levels of accomplishment dictate your happiness or lack of...
My proposal to you is first choose happiness and perhaps you will surprise yourself with your levels of accomplishment.
Dr. Aymee
Do you know how many people tie their happiness to their to do list?
I would even venture to say most Americans suffer from the to do list syndrome... moping around... because they never crossed off enough things from their list on any given day....
We for some reason, feel happier when we are more productive, yet we are also more stressed out, discontent and unfulfilled by the same concept of the to do list.
If I were to ask your to do list, “Are you responsible for <fill in your name>’s happiness?”
What do you think the to do list would say?
Actually, your to do list is an inanimate object and would not know what the heck I was talking about!
So next time when you are fretting over the lack of ‘significant’ accomplishment on your to do list, think about who is really responsible for your happiness.
YOU!
and this starts with you choosing happiness right now!
This means you can no longer blame your to do list for your unhappiness.
You have only one choice and that is to choose to take responsibility for your happiness and that starts with making the happiness decision.
Go ahead, walk over to a mirror, put your hand on your heart and look at yourself deep in the eyes!
Recite,
I <fill in your name>,
Do solemnly decide
to adopt the happiness decision
by being happy now!
Rather than react to my problems
I will use happiness to respond to them
forsaking all negative thoughts.
Regardless of circumstances,
in all ways, I will
choose happiness
for the rest of my sweet life!
*note, thanks to Lionel Ketchian et al of The Happiness Club for the happiness decision declaration.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Now that you have made the happiness decision, you can choose happiness no matter how many items are on your to do list.
and, research shows that happy people are more productive so you will probably even get more things done than the other way of looking at your to do list...
So, instead of your levels of accomplishment dictate your happiness or lack of...
My proposal to you is first choose happiness and perhaps you will surprise yourself with your levels of accomplishment.
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget is an expert of happiness at work. For more information about products and services including a workbook on how to create your happy profession, visit her website at www.happinessmakeover.com and connect to her on fb, twitter and youtube.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Q: How do I help myself feel better when my mood is low?
A: Whenever you feel down, here are three practices you can do to instantly lift your mood, whenever you want!
Smile
Smiling increases the level of Serotonin, a happy chemical in our brain. This makes smiling an important practice for increasing our mood whenever we want, instantly!
Express gratitude
The trick to a successful gratitude practice is to never repeat. Focus on the heart based wisdom things, experiences, and people who contribute to your life. This allows you to deepen your feeling of gratitude in your daily gratitude practice. Example: "I am grateful for my dog" vs "I am grateful for the unconditional love and companionship my dog adds to my life."
Be optimistic
We have an optimism center of our brain that when used, increases our mood!
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at her website www.happinessmakeover.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
Q: How can I be happy if the people around me are unhappy?
A: This is one of the top questions I receive from people. Before we admit our unhappiness to ourselves, we see it in others. It is easy to spot if someone is unhappy because it feels different than when you are around a happy person. This is because of the emotional contagion theory, which means we have a direct relationship between how we feel and how we impact the people around us.
This is why it is great to take leadership and become the happiness activist wherever you go. At this point learning happiness science is a needle in a haystack of life. So more than likely you have to depend on yourself to be the one to ‘bring the happiness’ to the party.
So the best way to influence someone’s mood to help them feel better is by using the AAA. The AAA is:
Admiration
Appreciation
Affection
You have to use the AAA all together. One right after the other. Go ahead and think about who you want to help feel better and communicate with them through the AAA asap.
For fun, you can practice below in the comments. I would love for you to devote a AAA comment to someone who you would like to help feel better.
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at her website www.happinessmakeover.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
Monday, August 1, 2011
Q: What is sustainable happiness?
A: The typical sense of happiness that most of us have – called hedonic happiness – is based on the notion that if we get what we want we will be happy. We are brought up to believe that if we get the things that we think will make us happy and create the circumstances that will make us happy, then we will be happy all of the time.
Unfortunately life blows this sense of happiness to smithereens. If only we could keep our boss from firing us, our spouse divorcing us, and the car accident from happening... The truth is hedonic happiness is unsustainable.
While you may feel initial happiness if you find a way to keep your job or your wife, studies have shown that this hedonic circumstantial happiness will not last more than three months.
What does that leave us with?
A chance to be completely, sustainably happy, that’s what!
Since you can’t guarantee circumstantial happiness, you shouldn’t rely on it. I have been through and live with some pretty poor circumstances – being overweight, ugly, poor, divorced and chronic pain – but I still manage to be happy every single day because I don’t depend on hedonic happiness.
In October 2007, Shankar Vedantam did an article for the Washington Post about a man who was left paralyzed from a horrific bike accident. Despite his terrible circumstance, this man was happy and outliving all of the death predictions made by his doctors. His state of mind was the only thing he had going for him, and it was enough to keep him going.
To think that you can adopt a mindset and achieve lasting happiness is empowering. If it’s all in your head, then you have control over it!
Positive psychology as a field is still in its infancy, but already there are three principles that are key to sustainable happiness.
1. Listen to the truth in your heart.
2. Know and use your strengths.
3. Have a sense of meaning and purpose in your life.
Empower yourself, take responsibility for your sustainable happiness, make the decision and begin your journey to lasting happiness. It’s only three steps away.
Dr. Aymee
Unfortunately life blows this sense of happiness to smithereens. If only we could keep our boss from firing us, our spouse divorcing us, and the car accident from happening... The truth is hedonic happiness is unsustainable.
While you may feel initial happiness if you find a way to keep your job or your wife, studies have shown that this hedonic circumstantial happiness will not last more than three months.
What does that leave us with?
A chance to be completely, sustainably happy, that’s what!
Since you can’t guarantee circumstantial happiness, you shouldn’t rely on it. I have been through and live with some pretty poor circumstances – being overweight, ugly, poor, divorced and chronic pain – but I still manage to be happy every single day because I don’t depend on hedonic happiness.
In October 2007, Shankar Vedantam did an article for the Washington Post about a man who was left paralyzed from a horrific bike accident. Despite his terrible circumstance, this man was happy and outliving all of the death predictions made by his doctors. His state of mind was the only thing he had going for him, and it was enough to keep him going.
To think that you can adopt a mindset and achieve lasting happiness is empowering. If it’s all in your head, then you have control over it!
Positive psychology as a field is still in its infancy, but already there are three principles that are key to sustainable happiness.
1. Listen to the truth in your heart.
2. Know and use your strengths.
3. Have a sense of meaning and purpose in your life.
Empower yourself, take responsibility for your sustainable happiness, make the decision and begin your journey to lasting happiness. It’s only three steps away.
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at her website www.happinessmakeover.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
Q: What is a way to attract love in your life?
A: More people than you can imagine, do not love themselves entirely.
Think about how that influenced your experience in life. If we are really 'all one' and we expect others to love us unconditionally then we need to love ourselves first.
It is easy to point the finger at our significant other and say all of the things that are wrong with them. It is harder to point our fingers at ourselves and ask, "Why is this my experience?" and look at our past and present to see why we are experiencing this lack of self-love.
Unfortunately our society's educational system does not give us the education we need to build this sense of self love for ourselves. There is no "How to" manual. Our family is the only structure that offers us a hint of this 100% unconditional love and if we were raised in a semi-dysfunctional or extremely dysfunctional family, then we have the odds against us.
At some point in our lives we have to come to the decision to love ourselves before we can truly love someone else and receive true love from them, In fact we will attract someone who does not love themselves if you do love yourself. This will manifest into an unhappy relationship because each person will expect the other one to love them unconditionally and each person will not be able to do it because their own self love comes first.
So the first step is to ACKNOWLEDGE that you have to love yourself first unconditionally.
The second step is to ACCEPT your self love is only going to come from you.
The third step is to TURN YOUR ARROWS AROUND & POINT TO YOURSELF and stop looking to others for love.
The fourth step is START NURTURING YOURSELF like you were a baby. Treat yourself to dinner by yourself, go to the spa, tell yourself you are beautiful.
Take the VIA strengths survey http://www.authentichappiness.com/ that will tell you WHAT IS GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. Build your life in accordance with your strengths.
If you follow this quick and easy guide to building self-love for yourself, I imagine you will attract the love in your life that you were missing before.
Dr. Aymee
Do you want someone to love you unconditionally?
Do you give yourself 100% self love?
Think about how that influenced your experience in life. If we are really 'all one' and we expect others to love us unconditionally then we need to love ourselves first.
It is easy to point the finger at our significant other and say all of the things that are wrong with them. It is harder to point our fingers at ourselves and ask, "Why is this my experience?" and look at our past and present to see why we are experiencing this lack of self-love.
Unfortunately our society's educational system does not give us the education we need to build this sense of self love for ourselves. There is no "How to" manual. Our family is the only structure that offers us a hint of this 100% unconditional love and if we were raised in a semi-dysfunctional or extremely dysfunctional family, then we have the odds against us.
At some point in our lives we have to come to the decision to love ourselves before we can truly love someone else and receive true love from them, In fact we will attract someone who does not love themselves if you do love yourself. This will manifest into an unhappy relationship because each person will expect the other one to love them unconditionally and each person will not be able to do it because their own self love comes first.
So the first step is to ACKNOWLEDGE that you have to love yourself first unconditionally.
The second step is to ACCEPT your self love is only going to come from you.
The third step is to TURN YOUR ARROWS AROUND & POINT TO YOURSELF and stop looking to others for love.
The fourth step is START NURTURING YOURSELF like you were a baby. Treat yourself to dinner by yourself, go to the spa, tell yourself you are beautiful.
Take the VIA strengths survey http://www.authentichappiness.com/ that will tell you WHAT IS GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. Build your life in accordance with your strengths.
If you follow this quick and easy guide to building self-love for yourself, I imagine you will attract the love in your life that you were missing before.
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at her website www.happinessmakeover.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
Q: How can I deal with a break up?
A: Breaking up is hard to do, and, unfortunately, it’s something practically everyone has to do at some point in their life. But break ups, even though they are painful, aren’t bad. In fact, if you’re breaking up, it’s probably because something wasn’t working and getting out of it is going to be good for you.
To keep you from feeling split apart during a split, I have come up with a “Break Up Formula” to help you move through these hard times quickly and to come out on the other side happy as a clam.
Step 1: Acknowledge the break up.
You have to say to yourself, “Yes, this is happening. I’m no longer resisting it. I’m no longer fighting it.” Once you’ve acknowledged the break up you can move into step two.
Step 2: Accept the break up.
You have to come to terms with the fact that not only are you breaking up, but that it’s a good thing and that you’re ready to move forward. Accepting the break up allows you to move on to step three.
Step 3: Identify lessons learned.
Every single person is brought into your life to teach you something. They may teach you something about yourself as an individual or about how you are in a relationship, but you will be a different person after you’ve had a relationship with them. Identify the ways that the relationship has shaped your character and appreciate what you have learned from the experience with your former partner.
This step may take a little longer than the first two. It’s not going to come to you in five minutes, and it may take a few days of serious reflection. Keep a living list and add to it as things come to you. When you feel like the list is complete, you can move into the next step.
Step 4: Be grateful for the lessons you learned.
You have undoubtedly had some personal growth courtesy of your experience with your former partner. Give gratitude for that growth. You may want to write a letter to your former partner and burn it, you may want to send an e-mail, or you may want to meet over dinner to express gratitude. You have to express your gratitude in some way before you can complete the process.
Step 5: Let go.
Once you move out of your head, you have to purge all the “negative” feelings from your body. Try to feel all of the hurt, anger, frustration, depression, and sadness in every single cell, and then place your hands over your head and take a deep breath. As you exhale, move your hands down your body like a French coffee press. Press all of the feelings you have brought to the surface into the ground and let go of them.
If you never let go of the person you were in a relationship with, you won’t have space for a new person to come in.
You can use the “Break-Up Formula” when you are faced with a partner who has chosen to break it off with you or when you are the one who initiated the break-up.
Dr. Aymee
To keep you from feeling split apart during a split, I have come up with a “Break Up Formula” to help you move through these hard times quickly and to come out on the other side happy as a clam.
Step 1: Acknowledge the break up.
You have to say to yourself, “Yes, this is happening. I’m no longer resisting it. I’m no longer fighting it.” Once you’ve acknowledged the break up you can move into step two.
Step 2: Accept the break up.
You have to come to terms with the fact that not only are you breaking up, but that it’s a good thing and that you’re ready to move forward. Accepting the break up allows you to move on to step three.
Step 3: Identify lessons learned.
Every single person is brought into your life to teach you something. They may teach you something about yourself as an individual or about how you are in a relationship, but you will be a different person after you’ve had a relationship with them. Identify the ways that the relationship has shaped your character and appreciate what you have learned from the experience with your former partner.
This step may take a little longer than the first two. It’s not going to come to you in five minutes, and it may take a few days of serious reflection. Keep a living list and add to it as things come to you. When you feel like the list is complete, you can move into the next step.
Step 4: Be grateful for the lessons you learned.
You have undoubtedly had some personal growth courtesy of your experience with your former partner. Give gratitude for that growth. You may want to write a letter to your former partner and burn it, you may want to send an e-mail, or you may want to meet over dinner to express gratitude. You have to express your gratitude in some way before you can complete the process.
Step 5: Let go.
Once you move out of your head, you have to purge all the “negative” feelings from your body. Try to feel all of the hurt, anger, frustration, depression, and sadness in every single cell, and then place your hands over your head and take a deep breath. As you exhale, move your hands down your body like a French coffee press. Press all of the feelings you have brought to the surface into the ground and let go of them.
If you never let go of the person you were in a relationship with, you won’t have space for a new person to come in.
You can use the “Break-Up Formula” when you are faced with a partner who has chosen to break it off with you or when you are the one who initiated the break-up.
Dr. Aymee
Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at her website www.happinessmakeover.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com
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