Monday, August 1, 2011

Q: How can I deal with others not accepting me?

A: One of the most basic needs of being human is the feeling of being accepted by others in the group.  No one wants to be the last one picked like in your elementary school gym class so to speak.  Now that we know at a deep root of our psyche we have the desire to 'belong' and be accepted by others.  What may the first step be to achieving that?

Well you can start by accepting yourself entirely.  That feeling of being accepted by the group starts with your feeling inside of whether you accept yourself. If we can not accept ourselves, we d not recognize what it feels like to be accepted by others therefore we do not comprehend the experience when we are indeed in the group environment. 

One way to identify if you are experiences negative self-talk would be to notice what you say to yourself when you make a mistake.  Watch the tone of the voice.  Is it condescending?

"How many times do you have to make that mistake?"
"You are so stupid!"
"You can't do anything right!"

Actually you are not alone, a lot of us do this. In fact, I have invented a very practical way to convert this voice into a positive experience.  Every single one of my clients experiences negative self talk.  If you do this exercise for yourself, I guaranteed that this negative self talk would either disappear entirely or at the very least, lesson its reigns on your un acceptance of yourself and general unhappiness.

If you were to write down a piece of paper all of the negative things you say to yourself and read them aloud, it will lead you straight to unhappiness.  If you wanted to feel better about yourself write down the opposite of that negative talk. 

In my coaching practice, I have my clients purchase a small notebook and whenever that negative talk comes up, I have them write it down on the left side of the pad.  I call this negative self talk, the inner critic. 

The next step is to convert what the inner critic says into the opposite and write it down on the right hand side of the page.  This positive inner voice is what I would call the inner colleague

This is not rocket science of course, yet it requires general persistence, diligence, and commitment.  At night you can read to yourself the inner colleague, which builds its presence in your subconscious while you drift off to sleep. 

The most important element to this INNER CRITIC CONVERSION is to bring that memo pad everywhere you go and convert it as it arises.  Immediately, on the spot, write it down and convert it right there. 
Here are the clear steps so you can begin to accept yourself a lot more than you do now and in fact become happier as a result!

1 – Purchase a small notepad that you can take anywhere.  The spiral bound must be on the side.
2 – Make a commitment to yourself to start this inner critic conversion. 
3 – Every time the inner critic says something to you write it down immediately
4 – Convert it into the inner colleague on the spot
5 – Before bed, read to yourself all of the lovely things the inner colleague told you.

Dr. Aymee

Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at her website . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog 

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