Struggling with Life Choices? 'Flow' Your Way to Happy Choices!

When Michael Jordan played basketball, do you think he was distracted?  No!  He was entirely consumed and energized by what he was doing.  He was in flow.

If you think of any great artist who is in the middle of producing a masterpiece and cannot bear to be disturbed, that person is in flow.

We all have that special activity that consumes us and we really enjoy it! In those moments we are in our own flow.

This is so important!  The activities we undertake in which we experience flow, and the general flow of life contribute to our sustainable happiness. 

The psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced chick-SENT-me-high), one of positive psychology’s founding fathers, calls the feeling of flow a complete and energized focus on an activity, accompanied by a high level of enjoyment and fulfillment (Csikszentmihalyi, 1990). It involves being “optimally challenged by experience.”  

Now I know that may not seem fun to some of you, but put yourself back in a time where you felt like you were totally engaged on a mental and physical level… that is what Csikszentmialyi means by optimally challenged by experience. When one is in flow, “… the demands of a situation match the individual’s abilities, and the individual is engaged fully in the act of doing.  In flow, the person loses self-consciousness and a sense of the passing time and enters a different level of experience. Flow is enjoyable…”  

Utilizing flow in our daily activities is beneficial for our sustainable happiness for sure. Now let us broaden our perspective a bit more to take a look at our life as a whole.  Imagine being in flow all of time! 

Barbara Gaughen-Muller taught me the greatest lesson when it comes to flow.  Barbara is the host of a radio show called Inspiring Conversation that is broadcast worldwide. This woman is so wonderful that she won a “Glorious Being” award!  She and her husband, former United Nations Assistant Secretary-General Dr. Robert Muller, operate the website Good Morning World which focuses on the positive news in the world rather than the negative and violent news that is typically featured in the media. Together the Mullers believe that no dream is too big, and they dedicate their lives to making a better, peaceful world.

During my Doctoral studies, I had the good fortune of working with Barbara and Robert Muller. One of the greatest lessons, Barbara taught me was when she said, “Aymee, you know where to go when there is flow!”  I never have forgotten this teaching and have used it quite frequently to guide me in my life decisions.  If I find myself banging my head against the wall, so to speak, I can recognize there is no flow.  On the other hand, if doors are opening, I am meeting wonderful people, I am helping others, and I am feeling good, I can recognize that there is flow! 

So remember, your sustainable happiness not only depends on the activities in which you feel flow, but also the flow you feel in your general life. Get your life into the flow of happiness!

Put the concept of flow in the back of your mind to later bring out whenever you are at a decision-making point in your life.  Ask yourself, “Is there flow here?”  If the answer is yes, you know where to go!  Trust me, it works!

Need more help or inspiration get your life into the flow of happiness?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help you flow your way to happy choices!

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Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.  

4 Steps to Creating Sustainable Happiness in Your Family Relationships!

Have you ever had a fight with a family member?  Were you happy when that fight occurred?  Probably not.  I mentioned briefly that I grew up in a loving supportive family environment. However, you know as well as I do that we all have our tiffs!  So what can you do to ensure that these tiffs remain tiffs and do not escalate to become explosions?
 
What are the happiness tools we can apply in these situations?  
 
• Forgiveness
• Letting Go
• Accepting Imperfection as Perfection
• Conscious Positivity
 
Forgiveness is a HUGE aspect of sustainable happiness.  Imagine living your life full of resentments and grudges.  Can you possibly be happy all of the time?  No way!  So we have to learn how to forgive others who have “wronged” us in one way or another.  
 
In 2001, research by Dr. LorenToussaint and her colleagues showed that self-forgiveness and other forms of forgiveness are inversely related to psychological distress and that forgiveness of others was related to higher overall life satisfaction.  Even earlier, though, in 1992, a research team including Dr. Paul Mauger, had found that forgiveness of self and others was inversely related to psychopathology.  This means that if you can forgive yourself and others, you are less likely to experience a psychological disorder and consequently will be happier! Another study by, done by Tangney, Fee, & Lee in 1999, showed that when we tend to forgive others, we are less likely to experience depressive symptoms and hostility.  A study by Dr. Freedman and Dr. Enright, in 1996, proved that symptoms of anxiety, depression, and anger have also been shown to decline for an individual after that individual forgives another. And yet another study, this one done by Dr. Fincham in 2000, shows a positive relationship between forgiveness and overall relationship satisfaction. So more and more we are seeing studies proving how forgiveness can enhance the quality of our relationships, not to mention our lives as a whole.
 
Now that you understand that forgiveness is vital to your sustainable happiness, what is forgiveness anyway? Forgiveness is the freely chosen motivational transformation in which a desire to see revenge and to avoid contact with a transgressor is lessened, a process sometimes described as an altruistic gift.  (Enright, Freedman, & Rique, 1998; Worthington, 2001)  Researchers have not been able to find agreement when it comes to determining whether forgiveness requires a positive action or a benevolent response (such as compassion, empathy, affection, approach behavior) in relation to the offender, or if the absence of a negative response (hostility, anger, avoidance) is sufficient. (Exline, Worthington, Hill, & McCullough, 2003; Fincham, 2000; Linley & Joseph, 2004)
 
The funny thing is that there actually is a scientifically proven disconnect between researchers and the rest of us in terms of how forgiveness is perceived.  This was found in research done by Dr. Kantz in 2000, which showed that lay people believe reconciliation to be a necessary part of forgiveness — an element that is explicitly rejected by many definitions of forgiveness used for research purposes.  
 
It is here that I ask you to choose the definition of forgiveness that is right for, and feels good to, you.  We can only look to our heart for our personal guidance on this one.
 
I learned the power of forgiveness on a family vacation.  This was my first family vacation as an adult for many years.  During the time that I was with my family many happiness challenges arose for me.  After the family vacation, I was reflecting on how I can make the most of my family relationships and the major lessons I gleaned was the value of forgiveness, letting go and conscious positivity.
Your family will be in your life forever, if you let them. Flesh and blood counts for something, and these relationships are built on a foundation of unconditional love. Given the main premise of your family relationship is unconditional love, understanding how you can manage your family in a positive way is very helpful in creating your sustainable happiness.
 
Letting go has only recently become a topic of research in psychology. According to Dr. Ainsworth-Smith & Dr. Speck (1982), “Letting go can imply being gently drawn into a new sort of existence; or being released or dragged into a void where nothing is safe or nothing consistent.” (p. 35) The Oxford Dictionary says that letting go is to “release, set at liberty, lose hold of, relinquish hold of, dismiss from thought, or cease to restrain.” The two main themes are a sense of liberation and a sense of loss.  It appears to imply that letting go is to change something by moving it from one position to another.  For the purpose of your sustainable happiness, think about letting go as liberation.  
Also, the more positive actions, behaviors, and language are incorporated into the family dynamic, the more positive that dynamic will be. Imagine if everyone in your family were to consistently give you compliments and encouragement, or simply tell you “Hey, you were right”? How good would that feel? Or if you were to consistently give compliments and encouragement to them?  It would feel good, right?  You do not have to wait for your family to come around and employ the principles of forgiveness, letting go, and being positive.  You can take action yourself, right now!
Here is an inspirational story from one of my friends about her experience of letting go with her mother.  
Something must be in the air, because I had the most incredible visit with my mom last week!
 
It was the best time we've ever had together. The week before she arrived, I made a conscious choice to lay down my role that I've played so often with her, that of teacher/parent/coach (what is it with us gals???). What a relief...for both of us!!! Whenever I noticed the inclination to take on that role, I simply contained myself and it passed. Without that dynamic, I was so much more available to love my mom as she is. The last morning of her visit, I gave her the most extraordinary foot bath with rose scented, flower petaled water, massage, a foot mask and lots of kissing. At one point she said to me that she doesn't know if she could've done this for her mother (who died last August). I responded by saying how happy I am to be able to do this for her.
 
It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOO AMAZING! We've shattered the pattern that's been passed on for who knows how many generations of withholding love between mother & daughter. I am SOOOOO grateful to be able to share my love with my mom and to really feel her receiving it. That's all I really wanted to do when I took on the role of teacher/parent/coach, but didn't know how to just love her. I'm so grateful for her willingness to receive my love and to feel her love for me. It was such a precious time we spent together.
 
Such a burden has been lifted from my heart and now I just feel love for her. It's like we get to be little girls together in a strange sort of way...just playing & loving...wwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!.
 
Love to each one of you & to your mamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Family plays such a huge part in our sustainable happiness.  We have to acknowledge and accept that everyone has their flaws and it is the beauty of our human experience. To accept the ‘im’perfection in ourselves, our parents and siblings is one of our lessons in life. We achieve this when we can fully give and receive unconditional love. And unconditional love is achieved through forgiveness and letting go; all of which are huge players in our sustainable happiness.

Need more help or inspiration to bring happiness into your relationships?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help you on your way to health and happy relationships!

*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011. 

Laugh Your Way to Health & Happiness!

You want to know something funny? Recently I was getting criticized for laughing too much! Isn’t that a hoot?

The thought that someone can laugh too much or smile too much is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while. To make sure I wasn’t in danger of anything except feelings of happiness, I decided to bring in some laughter experts to my radio show on Advice Radio.

As a happiness expert, I have to laugh and smile because those are two essential ingredients for sustainable happiness. Lately I’ve been laughing and smiling for no reason at all – just forcing out a chuckle whenever I felt like chuckling or smiling whenever I felt like smiling – and I’m happier because of it.

I’ve found that a lot of people are attached to the idea that there must be something to laugh at or about in order for laughter to be socially acceptable. I don’t agree, and I’m not alone. With laughter clubs, laughter yoga and laughter therapy, more and more people are discovering that a good laugh doesn’t need a good punch line to come first. 

The benefits of laughter are so remarkable that people skip the jokes and go right to the laughter!

If you are feeling resistance to the idea of laughing just for the sake of laughing and you really need something to laugh at, laugh at yourself. If you can’t laugh at yourself, who can?

Try conducting your own research study on happiness. Laugh at least 20 times a day for 5 days in a row and see if you feel happier. It’ll be the funniest thing you’ll do all week!

Still not convinced? Check out the recently published article on HelpGuide.org entitled "Laughter is the Best Medicine". Yes, not only will laughter and humor help you feel happier, it will also move you towards better health. It is strong medicine, especially if you share the laughter with others!

So go on, don't take yourself so seriously :). Make the decision to bring more humor and laughter into your life -- it is your birthright!

Need more help or inspiration to bring laughter into your life?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to help you laugh your way to health and happiness!

*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011. 

Can’t buy happiness? Now what?!

According to the new science of happiness, our happiness has not really increased as much as it should have over the last 60 years.  The message in the American Declaration of Independence (‘pursue happiness’), radios, work rewards, and television advertising gives us the clue that we have to purchase our happiness or get it from someone else. 

But this does not work! A study published in 2010 that analyzed the responses of 450,000 respondents gave strong evidence for the case that while high income can buy life satisfaction (i.e. the thoughts that people have about their life when they think about it), it cannot buy happiness!


Just think about it, the amount of Americans who are on Anti-depressants is at an all time high!

So, our culture and our government implies that in order for us to ‘achieve’ happiness, it has to come from a person, place, thing, or circumstance which we usually have to dish out the dollar for…. 

Back to the economy… and YOUR happiness…  The cover story of The Economist in January 2007 highlighted how we can measure happiness at a gross national level…

The good news is that even though our government, culture, and health organizations are leading us in the wrong direction to find happiness… they do mean well. 

So now we know their intentions are good, although their methods are bad… and you can no longer afford their methods anyways…

Take your happiness into your own hands.  Take leadership of your own happiness and insert happiness activities into your daily life.  These activities have been scientifically proven to make you feel happier!

Step One – MAKE THE HAPPINESS DECISION

Before we do anything, we have to decide to do it… it takes a decision.  Fortunately, Lionel Ketchian, Founder of The Happiness Club made a certificate called “The happiness decision” and you can print it out and hang it on your wall to commemorate the first day of your own happy life!  http://happinessclub.com/pages/decision.html

Step Two – START A GRATITUDE PRACTICE

Start a gratitude walk where everyday you recount the things you are grateful for in your life and never ever repeating, because there is always something new to be grateful for.

Step Three – START A KINDNESS PRACTICE

Practice five acts of kindness a day.  It can be as simple as telling someone they have a nice smile.  The science of happiness has proven that if we practice five acts of kindness our happiness will increase…

The good news?  You don’t have to depend on any person, place, thing, or circumstance that you can not afford anymore in order to achieve happiness.  You can do certain activities that will make you feel happier!

Need more help or inspiration to take your happiness in your own hands?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to make your life full of HAPPINESS!

*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.

3 Steps in 3 Minutes for the ULTIMATE RELAXATION!

Close your eyes and go to the beach!

Maybe you want to go to that favorite destination that brings you peace, tranquility, harmony, vitality, health, and overall peace of mind.

Spring break is here and some of us are partying it up in our exotic destinations and some of us are working like dogs! 

It turns out no one except us can give us that time and energy it takes to make the decision to just stop for a minute. 

Yes. One minute.  Make it three if you really can…

Take a moment to make your brain become a stop light.  Nominate a certain time of day or a certain song on the radio or a monument you see every day to just stop what you are doing, close your eyes and see yourself in that special place.  Then feel in your body what it would feel like.  Cultivate that feeling and visualize it spreading through your body down your arms to your hands and down your legs to your feet so your entire body feels that tranquility, that peace of mind. 

We can take a vacation at any moment, all we have to do is

Make the decision to do it!

You can start right now, and commemorate this moment! For the first time in your life you have decided to take your relaxation seriously!

Step 1: Find your REMINDER

Nominate a method of how you are going to remind yourself to “Go to the beach!” inspired from this moment.

Step 2: VISUALIZE your tranquil destination

Close your eyes and picture yourself there with as much detail as you can…

Step 3: EMOTIONALIZE

Feel what it is like to be there; be there for between 1-3 minutes approximately every hour you are awake

And watch and see your results!


A recent study shows that even brief mindfulness meditation practices (such as the one described above), done on a regular basis, can significantly improve your ability to control your attention!
As you get better and better at controlling your attention, you will find it easier and easier to take that vacation you so crave whenever you want! So keep practicing :-)!




Like the tools listed above to experience the ULTIMATE RELAXATION? 
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to make your life full of HAPPINESS!

*************************************************************************************************************
Visit Self-Help Store 
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee 
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com 

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.

Power of Feeling Beautiful

Power is something we learn.  Feeling beautiful is also something we learn.  We are not born with this idea of being powerful nor are we born with the sense of feeling beautiful.

We have to cultivate them both.  Cultivate our power and our ability to feel beautiful!  Only we can grant ourselves permission to harness our power and believe we are beautiful.

Power and Beauty.  These are two words that are not discussed very much explicitly in our culture yet they are very present in the underlining tone of our society.  An example would include the stereotypical runway model who we all think we need to look like in order to be what society decides is beautiful.  This critique on our physical appearance is detrimental to our power because we compare ourselves with others.

Here is the oxymoron.  Beauty is on the inside, not the outside.  Beauty consists of happiness, confidence, kindness, love, compassion, gratitude, optimism, good health, high self-esteem, self-respect, and self care.  All of these characteristics lead to your power.  These characteristics empowerment you to feel good, vital and full of zest. 

Close your eyes and see yourself with all of these characteristics, and you will see yourself with the most beauty you can imagine.  This feeling of beauty starts with your decision to want to be beautiful and acknowledging that only you can make yourself feel beautiful. 

Empower yourself!  Go to the mirror right now, look at yourself deep in the eyes and put your hand on your heart.  When you can feel your heart beat, tell yourself how truly beautiful you look right now and how beautiful you have always been and always will me.  Empower yourself to really feel that sense of beauty inside.  What better time than the present!

Embrace your inner beauty and the power that has been inside of you all along!

**********************************************************************************************

Visit Self-Help Store

Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee

Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others

Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker

www.happinessmakeover.com

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.

How a Rosy Outlook Can Help Your Health

In 2008, the University of California, San Francisco had one of the most exciting neuropsychological research breakthroughs in happiness science yet: the importance of optimism for the health of our brains.

It turns out that our brain has a center for optimism, and if that center is not developed we get depressed. That’s probably why there aren’t too many happy pessimists running around out there, huh?

Believing in gloom and doom does not make you happy, and that simple fact proves that sustainable happiness is not rocket science. It’s just a matter of focus, of donning a pair of rose colored glasses and choosing to look at life from a different perspective.

I live in San Francisco, and sometimes my sunny outlook is dampened by the foggy haze that cloaks the city I call home. When that happens and I feel my mood start to turn gloomy, I remind myself that above the fog, above the clouds, the sun is always shining. I have to rise above my present situation and make an effort to find the sunshine, but when I do, it makes life brilliant again.

When you feel like your optimism has run out and there is nothing but doom and gloom around you, get your head in the clouds and remember that there is always something trying to brighten your day. You have a choice about how you interpret your reality.  You can choose to know that the sun is shining no matter what and shift your thinking from being pessimistic to optimistic.

You have nothing to lose by having an optimistic outlook – except a frown. Just try sporting some rose colored glasses for a week, and see if you get happier. All the scientific research says you will.

If you need help to become optimistic and decrease depression, visit my Self-Help Store.

**********************************************************************************************************

Visit Self-Help Store

Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee

Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others

Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker

www.happinessmakeover.com

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.