Getting Happy with Dr. Aymee

3 Steps in 3 Minutes for the ULTIMATE RELAXATION!

2012-03-07T17:40:00.000-08:00

Close your eyes and go to the beach!

Maybe you want to go to that favorite destination that brings you peace, tranquility, harmony, vitality, health, and overall peace of mind.

Spring break is here and some of us are partying it up in our exotic destinations and some of us are working like dogs!

It turns out no one except us can give us that time and energy it takes to make the decision to just stop for a minute.

Yes. One minute. Make it three if you really can…

Take a moment to make your brain become a stop light. Nominate a certain time of day or a certain song on the radio or a monument you see every day to just stop what you are doing, close your eyes and see yourself in that special place. Then feel in your body what it would feel like. Cultivate that feeling and visualize it spreading through your body down your arms to your hands and down your legs to your feet so your entire body feels that tranquility, that peace of mind.

We can take a vacation at any moment, all we have to do is

Make the decision to do it!

You can start right now, and commemorate this moment! For the first time in your life you have decided to take your relaxation seriously!

Step 1: Find your REMINDER

Nominate a method of how you are going to remind yourself to “Go to the beach!” inspired from this moment.

Step 2: VISUALIZE your tranquil destination

Close your eyes and picture yourself there with as much detail as you can…

Step 3: EMOTIONALIZE

Feel what it is like to be there; be there for between 1-3 minutes approximately every hour you are awake

And watch and see your results!

A recent study shows that even brief mindfulness meditation practices (such as the one described above), done on a regular basis, can significantly improve your ability to control your attention!
As you get better and better at controlling your attention, you will find it easier and easier to take that vacation you so crave whenever you want! So keep practicing :-)!

Like the tools listed above to experience the ULTIMATE RELAXATION?
Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to make your life full of HAPPINESS!

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Visit Self-Help Store
Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee
Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others
Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker
www.happinessmakeover.com

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.

Power of Feeling Beautiful

2012-02-27T19:40:00.002-08:00

Power is something we learn. Feeling beautiful is also something we learn. We are not born with this idea of being powerful nor are we born with the sense of feeling beautiful.

We have to cultivate them both. Cultivate our power and our ability to feel beautiful! Only we can grant ourselves permission to harness our power and believe we are beautiful.

Power and Beauty. These are two words that are not discussed very much explicitly in our culture yet they are very present in the underlining tone of our society. An example would include the stereotypical runway model who we all think we need to look like in order to be what society decides is beautiful. This critique on our physical appearance is detrimental to our power because we compare ourselves with others.

Here is the oxymoron. Beauty is on the inside, not the outside. Beauty consists of happiness, confidence, kindness, love, compassion, gratitude, optimism, good health, high self-esteem, self-respect, and self care. All of these characteristics lead to your power. These characteristics empowerment you to feel good, vital and full of zest.

Close your eyes and see yourself with all of these characteristics, and you will see yourself with the most beauty you can imagine. This feeling of beauty starts with your decision to want to be beautiful and acknowledging that only you can make yourself feel beautiful.

Empower yourself! Go to the mirror right now, look at yourself deep in the eyes and put your hand on your heart. When you can feel your heart beat, tell yourself how truly beautiful you look right now and how beautiful you have always been and always will me. Empower yourself to really feel that sense of beauty inside. What better time than the present!

Embrace your inner beauty and the power that has been inside of you all along!

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Visit Self-Help Store

Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee

Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others

Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker

www.happinessmakeover.com

Dr. Aymee Coget, a widely-known happiness expert, has more than 15 years of experience in positive psychology. Through the Happiness Makeover™, a program developed by Coget, she teaches people how to achieve happiness and handle life's challenges. She also serves as CEO and founder of the American Happiness Association, a science-backed nonprofit designed to educate individuals and organizations about how to be happier, and was nominated for CNN Hero of the Year in 2011.

How a Rosy Outlook Can Help Your Health

2012-02-22T15:32:00.001-08:00

In 2008, the University of California, San Francisco had one of the most exciting neuropsychological research breakthroughs in happiness science yet: the importance of optimism for the health of our brains.

It turns out that our brain has a center for optimism, and if that center is not developed we get depressed. That’s probably why there aren’t too many happy pessimists running around out there, huh?

Believing in gloom and doom does not make you happy, and that simple fact proves that sustainable happiness is not rocket science. It’s just a matter of focus, of donning a pair of rose colored glasses and choosing to look at life from a different perspective.

I live in San Francisco, and sometimes my sunny outlook is dampened by the foggy haze that cloaks the city I call home. When that happens and I feel my mood start to turn gloomy, I remind myself that above the fog, above the clouds, the sun is always shining. I have to rise above my present situation and make an effort to find the sunshine, but when I do, it makes life brilliant again.

When you feel like your optimism has run out and there is nothing but doom and gloom around you, get your head in the clouds and remember that there is always something trying to brighten your day. You have a choice about how you interpret your reality. You can choose to know that the sun is shining no matter what and shift your thinking from being pessimistic to optimistic.

You have nothing to lose by having an optimistic outlook – except a frown. Just try sporting some rose colored glasses for a week, and see if you get happier. All the scientific research says you will.

If you need help to become optimistic and decrease depression, visit my Self-Help Store.

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Visit Self-Help Store

Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee

Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others

Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker

www.happinessmakeover.com

How to Make Your Wishes Come True

2012-02-17T18:56:00.000-08:00

If you type, "how to make my dreams come true" in a Google search, you will receive almost FIVE MILLION results!

While the answer might be different in each result, the message is the same: there is a way to make your dreams come true. But how?

Well, you can grant your own wishes. By taking three fairly obvious and very simple steps, you can have the life you’ve dreamt about.

Step 1: Be happy no matter what.

If you believe that you’re never going to get a better job or a nicer home or a happier marriage, you won’t. If you focus on how bad you feel about your lot in life, you won’t be happy. You won’t see the possibilities that are in front of you. You won’t hear opportunity knocking if you’re too busy listening to sulking. Decide to be happy no matter what life has given you or sends your way.

Step 2: Have a vision for your dreams

Once you are committed to being happy, your brain will start believing that good things can happen. You will start seeing where you want to be, and how it is possible to have your wishes come true. You will have a clear picture of what you want, and you will have something concrete to go after. Part of making your wishes come true is knowing what you wish for.

If you’re struggling to create a clear vision of what you want in life, try using the Social Construction of Reality theory. This concept, created by Berger and Luckman in 1966, suggests that our entire human experience is shaped by seven categories of existence.

· Socialization (the people around us)

· Institutions (the organizations we associate with)

· Language (the type of speech we use)

· Knowledge (the things we know)

· Habits (the things we regularly do)

· Reification (the objects we surround ourselves with)

· Legitimation (the principles we use to validate ourselves)

You can create a vision for your dreams by answering questions that help you evaluate these essential areas of your life. Ask yourself:

· Who am I socializing with when my wishes become reality?

· What institutions am I a part of when my dreams have come true?

· What is the language I am using? What words and sentences am saying when my dreams have come true?

· What is the knowledge I have when I have achieved my dreams?

· What habits am I employing when my dreams have come true?

· What are the "things" around me when my dreams come true?

· How do I really know to trust that this is my dream and that it is coming true?

Once you are able to answer those questions, you will have a roadmap of how to grant your own wishes and can move on to step 3.

Step 3: Bring your vision to the present.

After you’ve got a clear vision of what you want to do, be, see, feel, have, put your energy toward bringing it to the present. If you want to find Prince Charming, open your eyes and start looking for him in this moment. If you want to go back to school, get the admissions materials right now. Start turning your wish from something in your mind to something you can grasp.

You are your own genie in the bottle, your own fairy godmother. You know what you want and you are in control of making your wishes come true.

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Visit Self-Help Store

Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee

Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others

Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker

www.happinessmakeover.com

3 Secrets for Aspirational Acceptance

2012-02-15T19:45:00.000-08:00

One of the most basic human needs is companionship. We are people people, social creatures, and we need to feel accepted by others. The same desire that left you with baited breath during elementary school kick ball, when captains were picking teams, is still with you as an adult. It is a deep part of your psyche, and something that will be with you forever. But having the desire to belong doesn’t necessarily get you acceptance.

The only prerequisite to a sense of belonging is accepting yourself entirely. If we don’t accept ourselves, we won’t be able to recognize what it feels like to be accepted by others. Find out if you are accepting yourself with these evaluations.

1. Assess negative self-talk.

Pay attention to what you say to yourself when you make a mistake. Watch your tone of the voice. Is it condescending? Do you say things like:

· "How many times do you have to make that mistake?"

· "You are so stupid!"

· "You can’t do anything right!"

A lot of us share a tendency to be hard on ourselves in this way, but we all have the ability to get a handle on this inner critic and find self-acceptance.

2. Keep a positive self-talk journal.

To convert your harsh inner critic into something positive, try keeping a positive self-talk journal. Invest in a small spiral notebook bound at the side, and any time you have a negative thought about yourself, write it down on the left hand page. The left side is dedicated to the inner critic.

Then convert what the inner critic says into the opposite and write it down on the right hand page. This positive inner voice is what I call the inner colleague.

Keeping a positive self-talk journal requires persistence, diligence and commitment. Bring that memo pad everywhere you go and convert negative thoughts as they arise. Immediately, on the spot, write it down and convert it right there.

3. Every night, review what your inner colleague had to say.

At the end of the day, read through the right hand side of your notebook. Listen to your inner colleague and her affirmations in your mind as you drift off to sleep and let your subconscious build her presence.

If you diligently study your inner monologue for three months, your inner critic will disappear and be replaced with your inner colleague. You will feel love, respect and appreciation for yourself, and that will allow others to feel love, respect and appreciation for you. Acceptance starts with you.

Like the tools listed above to build Aspirational Acceptance?

Visit my Self-Help Store for more tools to make your life full of HAPPINESS!

*************************************************************************************************************

Visit Self-Help Store

Free Phone Consultation with Dr. Aymee

Learn how to use Happiness Science to coach others

Hire Dr. Aymee for as a Keynote Speaker

www.happinessmakeover.com

5 steps for how to love yourself

2012-02-10T16:02:00.000-08:00

Do you want someone to love you unconditionally? Do you give yourself 100% self love?

More people than you can imagine, do not love themselves entirely. Think about how that influenced your experience in life. If we are really 'all one' and we expect others to love us unconditionally then we need to love ourselves first.

It is easy to point the finger at our significant other and say all of the things that are wrong with them. It is harder to point our fingers at ourselves and ask, "Why is this my experience?" and look at our past and present to see why we are experiencing this lack of self-love.

Unfortunately our society's educational system does not give us the education we need to build this sense of self love for ourselves. There is no "How to" manual. Our family is the only structure that offers us a hint of this 100% unconditional love and if we were raised in a semi-dysfunctional or extremely dysfunctional family, then we have the odds against us.

At some point in our lives we have to come to the decision to love ourselves before we can truly love someone else and receive true love from them. In fact you will attract someone who does not love themselves if you do love yourself. This will manifest into an unhappy relationship because each person will expect the other one to love them unconditionally and each person will not be able to do it because their own self love comes first.

So the first step is to ACKNOWLEDGE that you have to love yourself first unconditionally.

The second step is to ACCEPT your self love is only going to come from you.

The third step is to TURN YOUR ARROWS AROUND & POINT TO YOURSELF and stop looking to others for love.

The fourth step is START NURTURING YOURSELF like you were a baby. Treat yourself to dinner by yourself, go to the spa, tell yourself you are beautiful.

The fifth step is to take the VIA strengths survey www.authentichappiness.com that will tell you WHAT IS GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. Build your life in accordance with your strengths.

If you follow this quick and easy guide to building self-love for yourself, I imagine you will attract the love in your life that you were missing before.

5 Steps for learning how to accept yourself

2012-02-08T16:48:00.000-08:00

One of the most basic needs of being human is the feeling of being accepted by others in the group. No one wants to be the last one picked like in your elementary school gym class so to speak. Now that we know at a deep root of our psyche we have the desire to 'belong' and be accepted by others. What may the first step be to achieving that?

Well you can start by accepting yourself entirely. That feeling of being accepted by the group starts with your feeling inside of whether you accept yourself. If we can not accept ourselves, we do not recognize what it feels like to be accepted by others therefore we do not comprehend the experience when we are indeed in the group environment.

One way to identify if you are experiences negative self-talk would be to notice what you say to yourself when you make a mistake. Watch the tone of the voice. Is it condescending?

"How many times do you have to make that mistake?"

"You are so stupid!"

"You can do nothing right!"

Actually you are not a lone, a lot of us do this. In fact, I have invented a very practical way to convert this voice into a positive experience. Every single one of my clients experiences negative self talk. If you do this exercise for yourself, I guaranteed that this negative self talk would either disappear entirely or at the very least, lesson its reigns on your un acceptance of yourself and general unhappiness.

If you were to write down a piece of paper all of the negative things you say to yourself and read them aloud, it will lead you straight to unhappiness. If you wanted to feel better about yourself write down the opposite of that negative talk.

In my coaching practice, I have my clients purchase a small notebook and whenever that negative talk comes up, I have them write it down on the left side of the pad. I call this negative self talk, the inner critic.

The next step is to convert what the inner critic says into the opposite and write it down on the right hand side of the page. This positive inner voice is what I would call the inner colleague

This is not rocket science of course, yet it requires general persistence, diligence, and commitment. At night you can read to yourself the inner colleague, which builds its presence in your subconscious while you drift off to sleep.

The most important element to this INNER CRITIC CONVERSION is to bring that memo pad everywhere you go and convert it as it arises. Immediately, on the spot, write it down and convert it right there.

Here are the clear steps so you can begin to accept yourself a lot more than you do now and in fact become happier as a result!

1 – Purchase a small notepad that you can take anywhere. The spiral bound must be on the side.

2- Make a commitment to yourself to start this inner critic conversion.

3- Every time the inner critic says something to you write it down immediately

4- Convert it into the inner colleague on the spot

5 – Read to yourself before bed all of the lovely things the inner colleague said to you.

If you do this diligently for three months, you will find your inner critic will disappear or at the very least become a distant voice in the background you can laugh at. This exercise will aid in your self-acceptance and therefore increase your happiness. If you want, you can view this 1 minute video I where I discuss the inner critic.

Dr. Aymee

For more information, comments, or questions contact Dr. Aymee at http://www.draymee.com/.

Q: Don't we have the Pursuit of Happiness?

2012-02-03T12:16:00.000-08:00

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
-- United States Declaration of Independence

When our country’s founding fathers decided to write a letter declaring their autonomy, they demonstrably stated that human beings are entitled to three things: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Life and liberty we all understand, but the pursuit of happiness, as a universal right of human beings, is not something we give enough attention to. We are, in some regards, mandated to pursue our own happiness. We have an ethical responsibility, a national duty, a birthright, to be happy.

Everyone wants us to be happy – our parents, our friends, our co-workers, even our founding fathers. Sometimes we turn to money to make us happy, sometimes we turn to people or relationships. We chase our tail trying to find something that will fulfill our manifest destiny and make us happy, but all the while the opportunity to be happy – and the responsibility for it – rests squarely within each one of us.

Try thinking about your happiness from the perspective of other people. Do they feel a responsibility for your happiness? No. Do they have a perfect understanding of what will make you happy in this moment or the next? No. They have no idea what truly makes you happy, so it’s not fair to put the responsibility of your lasting happiness on them.

Our circumstances are not always in our control, and even if we arrange our lives in a way that will "make us happy," – BAM! – something happens. We get a divorce, we get fired, our parent dies, we are diagnosed with cancer, life just happens to us. So what can we depend on to make us happy if our circumstances are outside of our control? Ourselves. That is it. You are ethically responsible for your sustainable happiness.

Empower yourself to be happy. Start down the path to lasting happiness by asking yourself:

Am I speaking my truth and listening to my heart?
Am I using my strengths?
Am I feeling a sense of meaning and purpose?

Taking it upon yourself to be happy, accepting responsibility for your own happiness, is your duty. So go on, pursue sustainable happiness!

Dr. Aymee

For more information, comments, or questions contact Dr. Aymee at http://www.draymee.com/.

Q: How Can I be happy if I suffer from Depression?

2011-10-31T14:45:00.000-07:00

"I believe most depressions are the consequence, to varying degrees, of the way we think about ourselves and the world, and the strategies we have developed for coping with life. For this type of depression, I believe it is possible that programs such as yours, which are directed at non-pharmacological interventions, if conscientiously practiced and applied, could be just as effective as medications."
- Walter Jacobson, MD
Diplomat of the American Psychiatric Association
Northridge, CA

I am not asking you to ignore your problems or be happy about them while being a blind optimist. I am offering a method of being happy in the face of adversity so you can handle the situation like the cool calm firefighter in the mist of the fire.

FACTS:
Treatments for depression are often ineffective. In fact, according to the National Institute of Health most people who are depressed seek 3 to 5 different types of treatment to help themselves.

Lost productive time among U.S. workers due to depression is estimated to be in excess of $44 billion per year.

The Center for Disease Control states that antidepressants are one of the 3 most frequently prescribed therapeutic drug classes in the United States.

Potential side effect of depression is suicide.

Problem: The facts look bleak.

Solution: Positive Psychology

In the last dozen years, there has been more research and new knowledge about happiness and how to develop it.

The American Psychology Association adopted this new branch in 1998 founded by former President of the APA, Dr. Martin Seligman from the University of Pennsylvania.

Latest Research:
We can create an upward spiral (instead of a downward spiral) if we have a 3 to 1 positive/negative emotional experience.

Your happiness is spread through the theory of emotional contagion up to 3 degrees of separation of every single person you look at, email with and talk to.

Your happiness is in your own hands, and positive psychology can teach you different techniques that will enhance your levels of well-being.

Problem: If it is so great? How come it is not offered anywhere besides, Stanford, UC Berkeley, University of Pennsylvania, University of Michigan, and Claremont University? Why have I never heard of it? I am still suffering from depression.

Solution: Positive Psychology is being taught openly on the internet for everyone to have access to the very solution of how depression can be treated once and for all.

Because you have taken the time to read this blog entry, and you have an obvious interest in feeling better or addressing your depression in a new way, I will give you the 5 steps that I have found to be the most effective in teaching others how to be sustainably happy regardless of where they are in on the happiness scale.

Before I go ahead and give you the secrets you have been waiting for, I want to commiserate with you.

Depression is not your fault.

You were taught no other way than to be dependent on external situations for your well-being.

The United States says follow the pursuit of happiness! Find the right person, place, thing and circumstance in your life, and then you will be happy. Achieve your goals, and then you will be happy. Popular messages of happiness are leading people into these ideas that compromise self responsibility when it comes to feeling good.

Once I have a lovable spouse, then I’ll be happy.
Once I am financially secure, then I’ll be happy.
Once I am recognized as a leader in my community, I will be happy.
Once I have children to love me back, I will be happy.
Once I go on vacation, I will be happy.
Once I obtain my advanced degree, I will be happy.
Once I have a well paying job, I will be happy.

This is a paradigm shift.

In fact, most people hold everything to make them happy!
If no one or nothing else can create a frequent positive mood, deep inner contentment, or achieve states of bliss and joy inside of you, you have to count on yourself to do the work and learn the science just like you learned how to tie your shoes or learned 2 + 2. Everyday you tie your shoes and everyday you use 2 + 2 (just in a more advanced way, of course).

We have come to a point where science truly can teach us how to be happier. Can someone please start by teaching happiness to depressed people for a fraction on what is spent on depression disability annually, which is an excess of $44 billion dollars?!

Problem: If positive psychology is everything it says it is, (which I for one, someone who has direct experience in teaching it, agree) then why is it unavailable to most people?

Solution: Positive Psychology is available to everyone in the world via my channel, How to be Happy with Dr. Aymee, on Spreecast.com, my channel, Happy Aymee, on youtube.com, and though my Mp3 audio lessons and e-courses through my online store.

Most people are surprised when I tell them, we can eliminate depression, anxiety, ADHD, and stress. I am inviting you to experience happiness science. Then you can determine if you have eliminated your depression, anxiety, ADHD and stress for yourself.

Until then I am sure you will sit in disbelief and resistance to something that really may be “too good to be true”.

What do you have to lose if you adopt happiness science in your daily practice?

I can teach you how to take charge of your own happiness, create a positive mood whenever you want, be resilient, foster deep inner contentment/fulfillment, and even achieve states of bliss and joy!

Would it be nice to have that experience?

Would it be nice to have the total freedom, which comes with the fact that you can now create a positive emotional experience for yourself? The freedom of knowing no one else or nothing else can take your happiness away from you.

Below is an endorsement by Walter Jacobson, M.D., Psychiatrist, and Diplomat of the American Psychiatry Association who experienced my Happiness Makeover training program. In this endorsement, he agrees that putting the practice exercises of positive psychology on a daily basis does in fact create sustainable happiness.

Walter E. Jacobson, MD

Diplomat, American Board of Psychiatry & Neurology

18300 Roscoe Blvd, IFL Tower, 4^th Floor

Northridge, California 91328

(818) 885-8500, ext. 3724

(818) 727-1451 (fax)

walterdoc@mac.com

September 18, 2009

Dear Aymee,

I want to formally congratulate you on putting together a sustainable life improvement program, your "Happiness Makeover," that is extremely effective.

It is the transformative regimen that you teach and coach in the consultation sessions that gives people cognitive-behavioral tools and mind-body-spirit routines which, if they practice consistently, daily, will take them on a path of self-discovery and growth, the by-products of which are sustainable happiness and inner peace.

Your curriculum is, indeed, an excellent one. During the three months of my own Happiness Makeover, I found myself truly becoming happier. I felt more energized and motivated to pursue my life goals.

More valuable than that, the experience helped me to clarify my life goals, in the sense that your program encourages people to look at core strengths and values, and it encourages people to discover their authenticity, to become the fullness of who they are.

I find myself now, after a month out of the program, continuing to enjoy the benefits of the program. My attitude about life, work, and people, has improved. I see my life as an adventure unfolding, which is exciting, especially compared to my previous feeling about my life which was "It's pretty good, could be better, getting through it."

As you can see, I am an extremely satisfied customer. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Walter E. Jacobson, MD

P.S.

In one of our collegial conversations you posed a question as to whether I believed a program like yours could take the place of an antidepressant. To best answer that I first need to clarify my position about depression.

There are many different types. One type is the result of a pure chemical imbalance in the brain that has nothing to do with the way people think, the way people perceive themselves and the world, or the circumstances that happen to them. In this type of depression it comes down to the brain having a chemical/physiological disorder which a medication can correct.

I would not make the case with this type of depression that a Happiness Makeover, a CBT (Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy) program, or any non-pharmacological program, would deliver the results that psychotropic medications would.

However, this scenario, in my opinion, makes up the smallest category of depression. I believe most depressions are a consequence, to varying degrees, of the way we think about ourselves and the world, and the strategies we have developed for coping with life.

For this type of depression, I believe it is possible that programs such as yours, which are directed at non-pharmacological interventions, if conscientiously practiced and applied, could be just as effective as medications.

Walter E Jacobson, MD

I will briefly provide you with the 5 steps to sustainable happiness and offer you a video with a deeper explanation....

Five steps to sustainable happiness

1. Happiness Decision

2. Happiness boosters

3. Happiness Challenges

4. Heart based maps

5. Faith

All in all, I am compassionate for the suffering you have endured from your depression. I understand that depression is a specific, personal, and multifaceted, condition. The video above is only a beginning into the process of the hard work it takes to feel better using happiness science. I would like to inspire you to be open to the possibility that you can end your suffering from depression.

Aymee

For more information, comments, or questions contact Dr. Aymee at http://www.blogger.com/www.draymee.com.

Q: How can I be happy when I feel constant time pressure?

2011-09-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

A: Imagine two birds in a tree.

One bird says to the other, “I have to go now, I am meeting my other bird friend at 3 00pm.”

Of course we have to acknowledge time is a man made phenomenon. It provides structure to our days so we remain in the ‘productivity’ role of our mind. However, this notion of time, causes great suffering for those who are dead line driven or constantly needing to check off the never ending to do list.

Stress, Anxiety, Compulsion, Distraction, Confusion, Overwhelm, Desperation, Anger

These are all negative experiences time constraints can provide for us.

I invite you to look above time for now....

Take a deep breath, rise above your relationship to time…and take a good hard look at it.

What is your experience with time? What does it mean to you? Is it stressing you out?

Well... Now, go ahead and imagine your upward spiral of life.

Do you see freedom from time? Enjoying your time? Accomplishing your goals with flow and ease?

What is the trick to turn the downward stressed based experience of time into the magic and rainbows of life?

LIVE IN THE MOMENT!

For a lesson on living in the moment you can purchase this audio for $11.99

http://shop.howtobehappyhappinessmakeover.com/DAYTIME-ROUTINE-Live-in-the-Moment-liveinmoment.htm

Watch this free video!

Dr. Aymee

Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to be happy. More goodies on www.howtobehappystore.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com

Q: How can I be happy when I am unlovable and unworthy of happiness?

2011-08-15T13:31:00.000-07:00

A: Awww....

This is a great question! You know how many people are in your shoes? Probably all of my clients over the years have felt this at some point.

I am about to demystify this for you.

First of all, YOU ARE LOVABLE and you ARE WORTHY of happiness!

Something probably happened to you between the ages of 0-6 where you thought maybe this was true.

Perhaps, your parents left you with a baby sitter, perhaps you had a younger sibling born, perhaps you were not chosen for the neighborhood kickball team?

Who knows?

So this incident has scarred your subconscious and you have been telling yourself this your whole life!

See, if you take a deeper look at this, is it really true that you are not lovable or don’t deserve to be happy?

Come on! Of course you are!!!

Simply by being born and breathing you are lovable and worthy of happiness.

I call this the rider and elephant phenomenon.

Your elephant is what is developed as your subconscious from ages 0-6.

Your rider is you conscious who is reading this blog post right now, however your elephant is in the room.

You rider has to steer your elephant toward the thought direction that will lead you into your upward spiral.

You are old enough to choose your beliefs right?

So in psychology we operate with a belief-thought-emotion- behavior model.

If your thought is I am unlovable, go ahead and ask your heart, what is the root belief behind this thought and wait for a response.

When your heart reveals your core root belief under this thought, challenge it!

Ask, “Is this really true?”

I am willing to bet anything that the belief that surfaces is a flat out lie!

So your elephant has been operating on false beliefs for how long?

Times need to change, you need to consciously choose a belief that kickstarts your upward spiral, leads to a thought that is supportive of your happiness, which therefore is going to make you feel happy and consequently you may be smiling.

We have totally changed your psychological understanding of the idea that you are not lovable and don’t deserve happiness.

You can consciously choose your beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors so they lead to you feeling good in your life.

I call this exercise, weeding out your garden of happiness of negative beliefs.

Happiness is work, just like everything, so you may as well start by weeding out your garden of happiness of negative beliefs right now!

Dr. Aymee

Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at www.howtobehappystore.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com

Q: How can I be happy if my to do list haunts me?

2011-08-15T13:25:00.000-07:00

A: Well.... you are not alone!
Do you know how many people tie their happiness to their to do list?

I would even venture to say most Americans suffer from the to do list syndrome... moping around... because they never crossed off enough things from their list on any given day....

We for some reason, feel happier when we are more productive, yet we are also more stressed out, discontent and unfulfilled by the same concept of the to do list.

If I were to ask your to do list, “Are you responsible for <fill in your name>’s happiness?”

What do you think the to do list would say?

Actually, your to do list is an inanimate object and would not know what the heck I was talking about!

So next time when you are fretting over the lack of ‘significant’ accomplishment on your to do list, think about who is really responsible for your happiness.

YOU!

and this starts with you choosing happiness right now!

This means you can no longer blame your to do list for your unhappiness.

You have only one choice and that is to choose to take responsibility for your happiness and that starts with making the happiness decision.

Go ahead, walk over to a mirror, put your hand on your heart and look at yourself deep in the eyes!

Recite,

I <fill in your name>,
Do solemnly decide
to adopt the happiness decision
by being happy now!

Rather than react to my problems
I will use happiness to respond to them
forsaking all negative thoughts.

Regardless of circumstances,
in all ways, I will
choose happiness
for the rest of my sweet life!

*note, thanks to Lionel Ketchian et al of The Happiness Club for the happiness decision declaration.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Now that you have made the happiness decision, you can choose happiness no matter how many items are on your to do list.

and, research shows that happy people are more productive so you will probably even get more things done than the other way of looking at your to do list...

So, instead of your levels of accomplishment dictate your happiness or lack of...

My proposal to you is first choose happiness and perhaps you will surprise yourself with your levels of accomplishment.

Dr. Aymee

Dr. Aymee Coget is an expert of happiness at work. For more information about products and services including a workbook on how to create your happy profession, visit her website at www.happinessmakeover.com and connect to her on fb, twitter and youtube.

Q: How do I help myself feel better when my mood is low?

2011-08-02T14:40:00.000-07:00

A: Whenever you feel down, here are three practices you can do to instantly lift your mood, whenever you want!

Smile

Smiling increases the level of Serotonin, a happy chemical in our brain. This makes smiling an important practice for increasing our mood whenever we want, instantly!

Express gratitude

The trick to a successful gratitude practice is to never repeat. Focus on the heart based wisdom things, experiences, and people who contribute to your life. This allows you to deepen your feeling of gratitude in your daily gratitude practice. Example: "I am grateful for my dog" vs "I am grateful for the unconditional love and companionship my dog adds to my life."

Be optimistic

We have an optimism center of our brain that when used, increases our mood!

Dr. Aymee

Dr. Aymee Coget, Sustainable Happiness Expert, founder of The Happiness Makeover™ Training Program offers services and products on how to become happier at her website www.happinessmakeover.com . Ask questions and visit her on FB or twitter @draymee or her blog www.draymee.blogspot.com

Q: How can I be happy if the people around me are unhappy?

2011-08-02T13:57:00.000-07:00

A: This is one of the top questions I receive from people. Before we admit our unhappiness to ourselves, we see it in others. It is easy to spot if someone is unhappy because it feels different than when you are around a happy person. This is because of the emotional contagion theory, which means we have a direct relationship between how we feel and how we impact the people around us.

This is why it is great to take leadership and become the happiness activist wherever you go. At this point learning happiness science is a needle in a haystack of life. So more than likely you have to depend on yourself to be the one to ‘bring the happiness’ to the party.

So the best way to influence someone’s mood to help them feel better is by using the AAA. The AAA is:

Admiration

Appreciation

Affection

I admire how you go to work everyday to support our family. I appreciate everything you do to ensure security for us and I want to give you a big hug right now!

You have to use the AAA all together. One right after the other. Go ahead and think about who you want to help feel better and communicate with them through the AAA asap.

For fun, you can practice below in the comments. I would love for you to devote a AAA comment to someone who you would like to help feel better.

Dr. Aymee

Q: What is sustainable happiness?

2011-08-01T19:26:00.000-07:00

A: The typical sense of happiness that most of us have – called hedonic happiness – is based on the notion that if we get what we want we will be happy. We are brought up to believe that if we get the things that we think will make us happy and create the circumstances that will make us happy, then we will be happy all of the time.

Unfortunately life blows this sense of happiness to smithereens. If only we could keep our boss from firing us, our spouse divorcing us, and the car accident from happening... The truth is hedonic happiness is unsustainable.

While you may feel initial happiness if you find a way to keep your job or your wife, studies have shown that this hedonic circumstantial happiness will not last more than three months.

What does that leave us with?
A chance to be completely, sustainably happy, that’s what!

Since you can’t guarantee circumstantial happiness, you shouldn’t rely on it. I have been through and live with some pretty poor circumstances – being overweight, ugly, poor, divorced and chronic pain – but I still manage to be happy every single day because I don’t depend on hedonic happiness.

In October 2007, Shankar Vedantam did an article for the Washington Post about a man who was left paralyzed from a horrific bike accident. Despite his terrible circumstance, this man was happy and outliving all of the death predictions made by his doctors. His state of mind was the only thing he had going for him, and it was enough to keep him going.

To think that you can adopt a mindset and achieve lasting happiness is empowering. If it’s all in your head, then you have control over it!

Positive psychology as a field is still in its infancy, but already there are three principles that are key to sustainable happiness.

1. Listen to the truth in your heart.
2. Know and use your strengths.
3. Have a sense of meaning and purpose in your life.

Empower yourself, take responsibility for your sustainable happiness, make the decision and begin your journey to lasting happiness. It’s only three steps away.

Dr. Aymee

Q: What is a way to attract love in your life?

2011-08-01T18:56:00.000-07:00

A: More people than you can imagine, do not love themselves entirely.

Do you want someone to love you unconditionally?

Do you give yourself 100% self love?

Think about how that influenced your experience in life. If we are really 'all one' and we expect others to love us unconditionally then we need to love ourselves first.

It is easy to point the finger at our significant other and say all of the things that are wrong with them. It is harder to point our fingers at ourselves and ask, "Why is this my experience?" and look at our past and present to see why we are experiencing this lack of self-love.

Unfortunately our society's educational system does not give us the education we need to build this sense of self love for ourselves. There is no "How to" manual. Our family is the only structure that offers us a hint of this 100% unconditional love and if we were raised in a semi-dysfunctional or extremely dysfunctional family, then we have the odds against us.

At some point in our lives we have to come to the decision to love ourselves before we can truly love someone else and receive true love from them, In fact we will attract someone who does not love themselves if you do love yourself. This will manifest into an unhappy relationship because each person will expect the other one to love them unconditionally and each person will not be able to do it because their own self love comes first.

So the first step is to ACKNOWLEDGE that you have to love yourself first unconditionally.

The second step is to ACCEPT your self love is only going to come from you.

The third step is to TURN YOUR ARROWS AROUND & POINT TO YOURSELF and stop looking to others for love.

The fourth step is START NURTURING YOURSELF like you were a baby. Treat yourself to dinner by yourself, go to the spa, tell yourself you are beautiful.

Take the VIA strengths survey http://www.authentichappiness.com/ that will tell you WHAT IS GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF. Build your life in accordance with your strengths.

If you follow this quick and easy guide to building self-love for yourself, I imagine you will attract the love in your life that you were missing before.

Dr. Aymee

Q: How can I deal with a break up?

2011-08-01T18:28:00.000-07:00

A: Breaking up is hard to do, and, unfortunately, it’s something practically everyone has to do at some point in their life. But break ups, even though they are painful, aren’t bad. In fact, if you’re breaking up, it’s probably because something wasn’t working and getting out of it is going to be good for you.

To keep you from feeling split apart during a split, I have come up with a “Break Up Formula” to help you move through these hard times quickly and to come out on the other side happy as a clam.

Step 1: Acknowledge the break up.

You have to say to yourself, “Yes, this is happening. I’m no longer resisting it. I’m no longer fighting it.” Once you’ve acknowledged the break up you can move into step two.

Step 2: Accept the break up.

You have to come to terms with the fact that not only are you breaking up, but that it’s a good thing and that you’re ready to move forward. Accepting the break up allows you to move on to step three.

Step 3: Identify lessons learned.

Every single person is brought into your life to teach you something. They may teach you something about yourself as an individual or about how you are in a relationship, but you will be a different person after you’ve had a relationship with them. Identify the ways that the relationship has shaped your character and appreciate what you have learned from the experience with your former partner.

This step may take a little longer than the first two. It’s not going to come to you in five minutes, and it may take a few days of serious reflection. Keep a living list and add to it as things come to you. When you feel like the list is complete, you can move into the next step.

Step 4: Be grateful for the lessons you learned.

You have undoubtedly had some personal growth courtesy of your experience with your former partner. Give gratitude for that growth. You may want to write a letter to your former partner and burn it, you may want to send an e-mail, or you may want to meet over dinner to express gratitude. You have to express your gratitude in some way before you can complete the process.

Step 5: Let go.

Once you move out of your head, you have to purge all the “negative” feelings from your body. Try to feel all of the hurt, anger, frustration, depression, and sadness in every single cell, and then place your hands over your head and take a deep breath. As you exhale, move your hands down your body like a French coffee press. Press all of the feelings you have brought to the surface into the ground and let go of them.

If you never let go of the person you were in a relationship with, you won’t have space for a new person to come in.

You can use the “Break-Up Formula” when you are faced with a partner who has chosen to break it off with you or when you are the one who initiated the break-up.

Dr. Aymee

Q: How can I feel beautiful?

2011-08-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

A: "Beauty is power; a smile is its sword.”
-- John Ray (English naturalist and botanist, 1627-1705)

Beauty and power. These are two words that are not discussed explicitly in our society but that still define it more than anything else. Think of any magazine cover, any runway show, any television commercial. We are conditioned to believe that beauty is something to aspire to and power is its great reward. In reality, though, falling for society’s beauty mandate may actually be robbing you of the power you already have.

We are not born with this idea of being powerful, nor are we born with the sense of feeling beautiful. Power and beauty are concepts we learn, and as much as we give attention to where we are lacking in them, we should also give attention to where we are excelling in them. We have to cultivate our power and our sense of beauty, but we can only do so if we give ourselves permission to love who we are.

We all know beauty is on the inside, but what does that mean? Beauty consists of happiness, confidence, kindness, love, compassion, gratitude, optimism, good health, self-esteem, self-respect, and self care. All of these characteristics lead to personal power and allow you to feel good, vital and full of zest.

For a minute, close your eyes and concentrate on how kind you are, how much love you share, the compassion you feel for others. Acknowledge your good health, your positive attitude, your willingness to share a smile. Honoring those aspects of beauty within you will help you realize your beautiful impact on the rest of the world.

Feeling beautiful starts with a decision to be beautiful, no matter how you look.

Empower yourself! Go to the mirror right now, look deeply into your eyes and put your hand on your heart. When you can feel your heartbeat, tell yourself how truly beautiful you look right now and how beautiful you have always been and always will be. Let yourself really feel that sense of beauty inside.

Then, go outside and use your power for good.

Dr. Aymee

Q: How can I deal with others not accepting me?

2011-08-01T18:09:00.000-07:00

A: One of the most basic needs of being human is the feeling of being accepted by others in the group. No one wants to be the last one picked like in your elementary school gym class so to speak. Now that we know at a deep root of our psyche we have the desire to 'belong' and be accepted by others. What may the first step be to achieving that?

Well you can start by accepting yourself entirely. That feeling of being accepted by the group starts with your feeling inside of whether you accept yourself. If we can not accept ourselves, we d not recognize what it feels like to be accepted by others therefore we do not comprehend the experience when we are indeed in the group environment.

One way to identify if you are experiences negative self-talk would be to notice what you say to yourself when you make a mistake. Watch the tone of the voice. Is it condescending?

"How many times do you have to make that mistake?"
"You are so stupid!"
"You can't do anything right!"

Actually you are not alone, a lot of us do this. In fact, I have invented a very practical way to convert this voice into a positive experience. Every single one of my clients experiences negative self talk. If you do this exercise for yourself, I guaranteed that this negative self talk would either disappear entirely or at the very least, lesson its reigns on your un acceptance of yourself and general unhappiness.

If you were to write down a piece of paper all of the negative things you say to yourself and read them aloud, it will lead you straight to unhappiness. If you wanted to feel better about yourself write down the opposite of that negative talk.

In my coaching practice, I have my clients purchase a small notebook and whenever that negative talk comes up, I have them write it down on the left side of the pad. I call this negative self talk, the inner critic.

The next step is to convert what the inner critic says into the opposite and write it down on the right hand side of the page. This positive inner voice is what I would call the inner colleague

This is not rocket science of course, yet it requires general persistence, diligence, and commitment. At night you can read to yourself the inner colleague, which builds its presence in your subconscious while you drift off to sleep.

The most important element to this INNER CRITIC CONVERSION is to bring that memo pad everywhere you go and convert it as it arises. Immediately, on the spot, write it down and convert it right there.
Here are the clear steps so you can begin to accept yourself a lot more than you do now and in fact become happier as a result!

1 – Purchase a small notepad that you can take anywhere. The spiral bound must be on the side.
2 – Make a commitment to yourself to start this inner critic conversion.
3 – Every time the inner critic says something to you write it down immediately
4 – Convert it into the inner colleague on the spot
5 – Before bed, read to yourself all of the lovely things the inner colleague told you.

Dr. Aymee